So lost in all of this what to do?

Shellbell,

We are so sorry to hear of your diagnosis, but very happy you've found our supportive and knowledgeable community. You're sure to get the advice and encouragement you need here!

We're sure there will be some other members along shortly to offer their experience and suggestions; in the meantime, you may be interested in checking out the main Breastcancer.org site's pages on IDC - Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, as well as the section on Your Diagnosis, which will help walk you through what each part of your pathology report means.

We hope this helps!

--The Mods

Shell - Six years ago I felt the same way you did - I had Grade 3 IDC, multifocal tumors, and lymph node involvement. I was sure my life was over. Today I'm still going strong and have no intention of going anywhere any time soon! So believe me, all is not lost.  IDC is the most common kind of breast cancer.  That means it's been well-studied and they know exactly what the most effective treatments are for it.  All those "positives" - ER, PR, etc. are positive news (pun intended) - that means that there are targeted hormone therapies that are very effective against your tumor type.  

As Slow says, once you get a treatment plan in place, you will feel much better.  I am sorry that your husband is not being supportive.  It may be that he's just as frightened as you are, but since many guys aren't comfortable with emotions, he's focusing on finances because that's something he can understand.  I hope so, anyway.  

A few suggestions - get a notebook and dedicate it to BC.  As you think of questions, write them down in the notebook.  Take someone with you to your appointments, especially these early ones.  If your husband is not supportive, find a friend or relative who is, or call your local cancer society and ask if they have a support program - many programs will "pair" you with a woman who has a diagnosis similar to yours.  When you go to appointments, give the person accompanying you the notebook.  Their job is to take notes so you'll be free to talk to the doctor.  At the end of the visit, when the doctor says, "Do you have any questions?" your notetaker's job is to review all your questions that you wrote down and make sure there's an answer for each.  That notebook will be a valuable reference source for you after the visit, as there's no way you'll be able to remember everything that's said to you.

Don't hesitate to get second opinions.  If you are in the US, you may want to consider getting a consult at a NCI-designated Cancer Center. These centers have special Breast Centers where the surgeons and doctors do nothing but breast cancer all day every day.  You'll see several specialists on the same day, and they'll review your case from top to bottom.  They'll explain your options and make recommendations.  You don't have to get treated there if you don't want to, but having your case reviewed by the best cancer people in the world will help you to make informed decisions.  

Finally, stay off the internet except for here on Breast Cancer.org.  In here you'll get accurate info and can "talk" with women who are going through exactly what you're going through - you'll never be alone here on BCO. 

you are in the hardest phase right now - the waiting game - what will be the treatment plan game…  it's soooo stressful!

you're diagnosis looks a lot like my MIL's diagnosis - a small triple positive tumor.

she had a mastectomy right away (no recon was her choice).

chemo was recommended because of the her2 status.  her recurrence risk was low, but the docs said that the her2 meant that if there were a recurrence, it'd be super aggressive and very likely metastatic.  she decided to go with their recommendation and do the chemo.  as i understand it, standard of care is chemo for her2 positive tumors that are larger than somewhere in the neighborhood of 0.5 to 1.0 cm.  i believe her tumor came in right at 1.0 cm according to the pathology report. anyway, she had four cycles of tch, and she will continue with the h (herceptin) for a year.  

of course, i know nothing about your financial / insurance situation, but it might be worth meeting with a social worker in order to talk about that situation.  

i'm sorry your husband is not being a supportive partner. it's a difficult diagnosis to face, and our caregivers can be just as scared as we are. in fact, i would argue that it is far easier to be the patient than be the caregiver.  

if you can, take a trusted friend or family member to your appointments. that person can help you take notes and remember to ask all your questions.  writing down your questions helps a ton.  if i didn't do that, i would forget more than half of them.

what i did was maintain a google doc with all of my health information. that way, i was able to access the file when needed.  i'm really glad i did it that way. it's a very flexible format, and i've gone back to the file periodically since finishing up treatment.  anyway, i'd enter my questions as i thought of them (sometimes at work… sometimes at home… often in the middle of the night)… 

i'm so sorry you are dealing with this! i've gotta run…

hugs.

lee