Beating myself up

Diane is correct. Aside from genetics, there's just no way to predict who will get bc. So many women here were vegetarians, never drank or smoked and BAM. I was in my 60's when diagnosed, which is more common than your situation, but there are lots of women in their 20's and 30's here. I had been (still am) a vegetarian/pescatarian for years, never smoked, drank socially. I did have some family history however was not BRCA positive. Crap shoot. All we can do is pick ourselves up, dust off and soldier on. You have not given us your stats, but hopefully you are early stage. There's lots of life after bc, ask me anything! Best wishes!

First of all, your estrogen levels are probably not messed up; they are probably entirely normal and healthy for you.  The issue is that your type of breast cancer has found a way to feed off the estrogen available in your body.  It happens to both pre-menopausal as well as post menopausal women.  My mother was 25 years post-menopause (due to a complete hysterectomy/oophrectomy for a pelvic abscess) when she developed a strongly hormone-positive breast cancer.  She, likely, had normal levels of estrogen in her body due to her age and menopausal status, but the cancer found a way to use what was there.

The changes you've made to your lifestyle will help your health overall, but I'm not sure that they have been the major risk factors in your developing breast cancer.  Many, many women in your position living a similar lifestyle never develop breast cancer.  That's not to say that you should NOT look after your health; it just means that many, healthy and active women also develop breast cancer through no fault of their own.  Cancer just happens sometimes.

I would urge you to have the BRCA test, given your young age.  It may be that you don't have a genetic predisposition for breast cancer (roughly 10% of breast cancers are due to BRCA), but it may be that you do and that knowledge will be an important factor of your treatment plan and how you move forward with your health management.

BREAST CANCER IS NOT YOUR FAULT.  Please don't blame yourself.  It was out of your hands.  But, certainly, pay very good attention to your health moving forward; being healthy overall will aid in your treatment and recovery.

Almost everyone in their 20s eats too much junk food, drinks a little too much, takes BCP, nukes their food in plastic containers, and buys whatever is cheapest. That is just part of being young; if it caused BC, then 90% of ladies in their 20s would have it. Get the BCRA test, check out the young survivors link that Sunflower posted, do the recommended treatments, try to live a healthier lifestyle (but don't obsess over it, you still need to have fun).

The other thing about beating yourself up; it is a waste of time and energy.....it doesn't change anything. You are where you are, and you can only adjust the future, not the past. Best of luck!

Hey BAU - love the handle, by the way… pretty darn funny!

So, I'm a long time vegetarian hippy kind of an athlete… and I got cancer. I eat right, I exercise a ton, I drink a little too much beer (few a week)…  But I got cancer. Why?  People around me eat terribly, drink a ton, never exercise, and they don't get cancer. Why? Wouldn't it be nice if we could say this thing or that thing caused the cancer… Then we could tell everyone exactly what causes cancer and prevent a whole heck of a lot of disease.

Bottom line is that some of the things we are exposed to, whether through our control or not, may contribute to developing cancer…  or may NOT…  We honestly don't know enough.  

I used to heat my tea water in a carbonate plastic container - bpa city!  I grew up eating highly processed foods… There are things our grandmothers may have been exposed to that are known endocrine disruptors… and evidence shows effects in our grandmothers' granddaughters. How crazy is that????

What's my point?  There's no way to know WHY you got cancer. Even people who have tested positive for various cancer genes may never go on to develop cancer... while others do…  

So, put that energy into facing FORWARD. You say you were an athlete? Why "WERE"? What did you love to do? Being active during chemo (which I assume is part of your treatment plan since you now have a port) is critical to reducing side effects and suffering.  I heard that time and time again. As a bike racer, my obvious exercise of choice is riding bikes. So, I did that every single day during chemotherapy….  Except for a couple of days of business travel (no access to a bike).  Some days were short and slow… but most days were just fine.  Was I racing? No… but I was active and moving and it really did make things better. I also worked and stayed socially active (except for a total of about two weeks, during which my counts were super low and the health care providers told me to avoid unnecessary exposures to people).

As for the weight-gain-loss cycling…  This is a common struggle for former athletes… You are not alone in this. So… get active and stay active! Learn something new!  I learned how to skate ski and ice skate so that I have fun winter sports even though I still commute everywhere by bike… Turn your transportation into active transportation…  Do whatever it takes to return to that love of sport / action / movement.  And don't wait - do it now…  

As for the port incision - I was exercising the next day. I kept the effort aerobic… but I was riding the next day. Ask your health care team about how long you need to wait before safely exercising…. It might be sooner than you think.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this in your 20s.  It sucks - no two ways about it.

Hugs.

Lee

Yeah, don't blame yourself.  It seems to pretty much be a crap shoot who gets bc and who doesn't.  You have nothing to gain from blaming yourself.  My advice would be try to move past the blame game as quickly as possible.  There are so many people who live unhealthy, stressful lives who abuse their bodies in many ways, men and women alike, who don't get cancer, don't get breast cancer.  Others do all the 'right things' and still get the dreaded diagnosis.  Look, if it were a friend or family member, would you be chastising them saying, oh, you shouldn't have eaten so much cake and drank so much wine?  No, you'd be compassionate and caring. My other advice is:  be good to yourself.  Be very good to yourself, kind and loving as you would be to someone else whom you love.

girlfriend I could have written this post myself. I was diagnosed at age 33 (I'm 34 now). And I really do know health nuts that have been diagnosed and people much less healthy than me who are perfectly cancer free. It's a complete mind f*#%. The only thing you can do is kick that cancers ass and then move forward doing everything as "right" as you can! 

don't blame yourself please! . What is the link between prostate and breast?

Bad_At_Usernames,

I'll second what ruthbru and some of the others have said.  You sound like a perfectly normal young woman in her 20s.  None of the things that you "did wrong" are unusual or abnormal behavior.  So if those are the things that cause the development of breast cancer in someone who is in her 20s, most women in their 20s would have breast cancer!

You didn't do this to yourself.  You didn't do anything wrong.  You didn't ruin your life.  You lived your life.  Perfectly normally.

Get the BRCA test.  That might tell you the reason why you developed breast cancer at such a young age.  And if you test negative, then you will be in the same boat as most of us, who will never know why we developed breast cancer.  So the best thing to do is move ahead.  Deal with the diagnosis and treatment and then go back to living your life as best you can and in the way that makes you as fulfilled and happy as possible.

Hun, if you need someone to blame, watch this:  Map of Nuclear Explosions from 1945-1998 I watched this shortly after receiving my dx and my first thought was no wonder I have BC!  Then think of all the 10,000 toxic chemicals in our environment and even polar bears are full of them.  You'll realize the problem is a lot bigger than you are--you sound pretty normal to me--actually you sound like you try harder than the average woman your age.  The truth is, before any of us get cancer, not many of us spend a lot of time trying to figure out how not to get cancer.  I wish I had more now but that's hindsight.  A good book I just read was Anticancer:  A New Way of Life by David Servan-Schreiber.  

Hi Bad, today is my first day here on the boards and I just wanted to let you know that I am feeling the same way - guilty! What did I do wrong? What should I have done better? I know it's not rational to think that we somehow gave ourselves cancer, but that seems to be a common response early on in the diagnosis.

What most of us R clueless about is the fact we all walk around with the vulnerability of nearly every disease within us and it just depends on what triggers one or the other...more and more the triggers are environmental, but some critical ones are genetic. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in my right breast with involvement of nodes  in late May of 2013.  My care journey included 12 weeks of Chemo once a week, a decision to have a lumpectomy...and the pathology report from that surgery that showed me to be cancer free in Late November 2013...extraordinary outcome...had little side effects from chemo except fatigue and loss of hair:)) What made me different from many is I never felt panic or fear with the diagnosis, only a lets do this attitude and I picked an all female team who are bringing me through this experience beautifully. I start radiation next week for six weeks every day. I am taking the biologic Herceptin every three weeks for nine months and a hormone therapy pill...all to ensure cancer stays away.  Don't fear...be brave believe in yourself and your future . Get busy living and surviving this experience:))