Emotional side of DCIS/mastectomy

I am fairly new here. I was diagnosed with DCIS Sept 20th. I have decided to have a BMX with reconstruction. I actually have my appointment with the plastic surgeon today crossing my fingers to have a surgery date by the end of the week.

When I was diagnosed I went through all the emotions described by all of you. Though I have remained fairly positive through all of this I do have days that I feel I can't get off the roller coaster. I/We wouldn't be human if we didn't experience these wide range of emotions and I personally find it very helpful to have a huge cry baby cry every now and then. One never knows how they will emotionally deal with being diagnosed with cancer no matter what type, grade or stage its all cancer and it affects our emotions and our life in a way that can not be understood by anyone that has not walked this path.

For a brief time I allowed others ignorance to what DCIS is and is not make me second guess the appropriateness of my feelings and decisions. I then found myself searching these boards and found peace with the feelings, fears and anger I carry. Realizing you are not alone and finding justification for your emotions is a huge relief.

Your posts and your stories (and I read every one of them in this thread) inspire me to tackle this journey one day at a time. I am thankful for every emotional good day that I have but I also embrace the bad ones as well. Now that I have made my treatment decision I'm ready to move forward and move on with the next phase in my cancer journey.

wow, beesie,

just what I needed to hear.

edited to say I was responding to a post from 2009

I, too, am inspired by all that post here!!!!!

I have to be honest, though.  I do consider myself lucky.  Not find a penny and pick it up lucky but lucky that this was caught before I had to do EVEN more.  However, we most definitely are survivors!!!! Proud survivors, I think!  I think with the dx of dcis--we show that the earliest detection can make all the difference.  I guess I felt lucky that my dcis presented itself at the time of my screening mammogram.  I had a clear baseline at 35, then started annual mammos with my mom's diagnosis at 38.  Clear screenings at 38,39, 40 and 41.  My results at 42 were plemorphic microcalcifications.  Not there any of the other years.  I had very dense breasts and didn't really realize that that was a concern until my  dx.  Of  course I wish none was there to find!  I wish it hadn't been high grade with comedonecrosis---but maybe the calcifications were found out because of that rapidly occurring cell debris.  I don't know.  My imaging center uses digital mammography.  I am glad of that.  My sister know is being watched like a hawk with a 3D machine alternating with a breast mri.  I did not test positive for the BRACA mutation, but we do have a familial risk with mom's diagnosis.  She was 65.  I was 42.  She is doing great today though!!! Yay, MOM!

We are the HUMAN BEINGS not the statistics that show that it may be possible to catch this beast a bit earlier than once may have been.  My mom was stage IIIc--she lost her breasts, her toenails, her hair.  She had chemo, radiation and is on Tamoxifen.  She could not do reconstruction due to skin damage. I HATE that my mom and others have to or had to go through all of that.  I know we all wish that!

I believe this is what all survivors have in common---We all have "war wounds"  and emotional scars, too.  Our paths are different, the journey is different---but we all understand what it is like to be told you have cancer and then on to sorting through the options, information all the while on an emotional wave.  We all get when someone says "It will be okay"--you sure hope they are right!!!!  We get when people mean well, but they say "dumb" things and really wish they had just not said anything at all.  

As for normal, I am still figuring out what that is--definitely a "new normal" and no one can define that for me, except for me.  I will figure it out! (:  (with the people that mean the most to me, and maybe even with the help from some of the people that said "dumb" things---with use of an edit button  (:  )

Here is to a wonderful new year!!!!

xo Danielle

***edited to clarify what I was trying to say--proofreading.  (:

Beesie,

oh my!

Not sure you will ever read this,( many years later), but reading you, made me cry and you wrote exactly how I feel... I should feel lucky, but then again I don't... I have the depression kicking in only now... A couple of months later..I sure do hope it will get better. ( but I feel very lonely with my emotions). I have shut myself a bit out from everybody because they don't realize the emotional impact it has on me...( they keep saying how lucky I am...). Also , i must be strong for everybody else... But am glad I read you. It surely helps. Thanks so much!

I totally agree!  "Lucky" is a word that takes on a whole new meaning.  I hope no one takes it as I skip along whistling at what I have been through.  I don't.  I just, yeah, I guess I always have that "it could have been worse" voice.  Weirdly, my husband was in a terrible accident on October 30, 2012.  He was hit by a man who ran a red light.  Both were going 45 miles per hour.  Our car was destroyed.  The fire chief and paramedics commented that one second could have made the difference of him "walking away" or not.  He got away with "just" a shoulder injury that required surgery and 3 months off work.  I guess it is how we coped with that too.  "Lucky" that that was all the 'damage' done to him.  I was dx January 8, 2013.  A lot has happened to our family in the last couple of years.  Our daughter who just turned 12 has seen more than I would like and again, this word is just how we make heads or tails of very bad, very sad, incomprehensible events.

I just wanted to make sure everyone knew where I was coming from.  And I certainly don't discount or don't appreciate the living he** associated with this.  

Love and true admiration of all,

xo Danielle

Pattykoch! I feel for you and the feelings you are having right now. 

I was very fortunate to have met with a Breast Cancer support group before I had my surgery, not something I had planned to do, but it has proven to be a positive for me. We meet once a month and although BC is never the focus of our meeting, if anyone has a question or a problem we all get very involved in the discussion. There are all stages, many having treatment, and unfortunately newly Dx every month or so. I have made so many firm friends there, and they all just "Get it!"  If you could see your way to perhaps just reach out to a BC group in your area, it may give you the support you need right now.  

Danielle, I understand totally what you mean! I had to smile at your reference to the whistling while skipping along! I am not doing that either!

My experience has been one of intense relief, feeling lucky, both for my Dx and for how I feel about the results of my surgery. I do feel "lucky" in so many ways, and that shift I felt, during my recuperation, is all positive.

Don't think for a moment that I don't understand the fear and the depression that many experience during this journey. I agree with Barn-Owl that all feelings are absolutely, legitimate.

I too, have a husband who had a terrible accident, not recently, but 36 years ago, many years before I met him. He became a C5/6 quadriplegic in a hang gliding accident when he was 20, just 4 months before his 21st birthday. He didn't walk away from it, but he still considers himself lucky.

When I met him over 15 years ago, I was taken with his incredible will to never let his disability get in the way of anything. Without going on and on, about his amazing achievements over the years, and without any accident insurance to fund any of it, I have to say that watching his daily struggle, put what I have experienced in the past year right into perspective, for me.  

He has been a "Rock" for me in every way, from his solid belief that we could get through whatever the final Dx may turn out to be. To his wonderful reaction to the sight of my scar just hours after the surgery, and his teary response at my final pathology result.

I know it is all a matter of perspective, how you view yourself, and how those around you act and make you feel. Having negative responses from the people around you would make such a difference to recovery.

I would urge you Pattykoch to reach out for support, for your feelings of depression and also to others, who totally "Get" what you're experiencing. I know it takes a bit of courage to do it, but I would be willing to bet that you'd be surprised at how much better you'd feel with the added support. Coming here is also a great way to feel a part of a group who all understand what you're going through and will offer hugs and understanding.

You don't ever have to feel alone in this! (((((hugs)))))  

Hi all, another newcomer here. My routine mammogram showed calcifications, and following stereotactic biopsy I was diagnosed with DCIS Stage 0 at about twelve o'clock, above my nipple.  I had more suspicious areas also at three o'clock and at 9 o'clock (easiest way to describe it.).  I have strong family history (younger sister, aunt, grandmother) of invasive disease, but I was BRCA negative. The amount my BS would remove in a lumpectomy was so significant, I had a mastectomy (Right) with immediate reconstructive surgery (TRAM flap).   Two lymph nodes were taken and tested, and found to be clear (thankfully) - so, I, too do not require chemo or radiation.  I feel, I don't know, "lucky" is not the word I would use.  "More fortunate than many" is a better way to describe it.  It was a BIG surgery, I had never had any surgery before.  I have a v. supportive husband and family. 

There is a newly diagnosed group at my health centre, but I don't feel like I fit there.  I know I need to learn about hormone-preventive therapy, but so many of these other women have been through the ringer with other therapies, that I feel like I don't belong there.  I have some residual pain, cannot roll over in bed just yet, limited range of motion in my arm, and a lot to get used to my new body.  I am thankful for early detection, but I am sad about losing my breast, and the former me. I know I should feel better about it all. 

Most other people don't really get it -

Thanks for listening

Thanks, Ariom, for your kind words and good advice.  I do feel I need to talk, and it would be great to talk to others who have been there.  I will give it a try.  

Thank you!