My mom's cancer is back :(

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shaM
shaM Member Posts: 70
edited June 2014 in Just Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastasis

Hi everyone. As I am writing this post it is 3:55 am and I still can not stop crying after 3 days. 

Here is my mom's cancer story:

She was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2005. Her breast was not removed but the tumor was. A few of her nodes had cancer too. She received 4 sessions of chemo therapy and about 10 sessions of radiation (if I'm not mistaking) and this was all 4 month before my wedding. :( you can only imagine what a happy bride I was! She started her normal life after that and was getting checked by her doctor every 6 months. She was on tamoxifen for 6 years.

Her bones started getting weak after menopause.So weak that she had a couple of fractures on two different parts or her body (chest and shoulder) by just working and deep cleaning the house. After her cancer treatment with tamoxifen, her bones got even weaker. 

She started complaining about back pain and different part of her body's bone pain from 2 years ago but since she is very timid and she had a bad taste from cancer treatment in her mouth, she refused to go to specialist and everything she went to a doctor, she really didn't tell the doctor how bad she was doing. She was always ended up with pain killers like naproxen or nasal spray to strengthen the bones. This went on for 2 years.

Recently her back pain really bothered her and by our push she agreed to go to a specialist. The dr ordered a full body scan with radioactive injection. Also lung scan (don't know what type). We were notified that she has metastatic cancer in her back/spine, hip, shoulder and a small area in her skull. Also she has lung cancer. We have not told her since we know heaven forbid, she may  have a heart attack. We are constant lying to her telling her that just like you thought, your weak bones and what tamoxifen has added to the weakness is causing you the pain!!!!! We don't know how long we can play our role but we sure must.

The specialist recommended an injection (not chemo) and pills and radiography (if the word is right) for her bones but nothing for her lungs!!!!!! So we will be taking a second opinion from another specialist in 2 days.

I just can not stop crying for my mom. I am about 8000 miles away from her and have to deal with this from far away. My quality of life is zero. I'm keep crying and my 2.5 year old son and husband get very sad too. I feel like my mother is not going to make it. I feel she will leave us soon. I am taking depression and anxiety medication but it seems like it is not working a bit!

Is any of you strong survivor people out there doing through the same thing? Please leave me your messages as I am really looking forward to read your battle story.

God bless you and your loved ones.

Sh

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  • pupmom
    pupmom Member Posts: 5,068
    edited December 2013

    shaM, very sorry for your mom's recurrence and what you are going through. I don't understand how your mom's family has been told but not her. Where does she live? In the U.S. the patient would always be told first. She will, of course, have to be told eventually. There are many treatments for bone and lung metastases. She could still have a very long time. 

    I was diagnosed with early stage bc, but once the beast rears its ugly head, none of us are ever truly out of danger. God bless us all.

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  • Bren-2007
    Bren-2007 Member Posts: 6,241
    edited December 2013

    Dear Sha,

    I am very sorry to hear about your mom.  And it's so hard to know what to do when you live 8,000 miles away.  I hope she has a strong advocate for her treatment where she lives.  I'm surprised the family knows of the spread of her cancer and she does not. It may be a good thing to tell her what's going on with her. 

    You might feel better if you were able to visit her.  Is that a possibility?

    Let us know how you're doing and how your mom is feeling.

    hugs,

    Bren

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  • shaM
    shaM Member Posts: 70
    edited December 2013

    Thank you  @bren-2007 and @yorkiemom. My parents live in Iran. If the doctors are advised that the patient could not handle the sickness, they try not to tell them. 

    Days pass by slowly and not even a small smile can sit on my face. I can not go back to Iran anytime soon! That hurts even more to not being able to see her. Every day I wake up and spend the day with horrible thoughts. 

    Please people, if you have has similar issue let me know how you are doing.

    Blessings,

    Sh

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  • ziggypop
    ziggypop Member Posts: 1,071
    edited December 2013

    sahM, 

    I am so sorry. It is so hard to be far from the people we love the most and so much more so when you have news like this. There is a forum specifically for stage IV, the women there are probably the best for you to talk to because they can understand the circumstances better than than those of us who have had cancer but are not stage IV. One thing that you might want to ask them about is what they think about your mom being told or not told. I know that I would want to be, and sooner rather than later. It also seems that it would be easier on you if you could be honest with her and she with you. 

    The amount of grief you are feeling right now is normal - it will subside, not because you love your mother any less or because her illness will be resolved, but because it is the nature of grief. Many, many hugs. 

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  • pajim
    pajim Member Posts: 2,785
    edited January 2014

    Hi ShaM,  I'm very sorry to hear about your Mom.  It must be extremely difficult to be so far away.

    From what you say, it sounds like she is ER+, in which case the first line treatment is actually a pill (or one of several pills), plus medicine to strengthen the bones.  The radiation is to help her pain (and kill the cancer cells in the spine)

    The estrogen blocking pills will help her lungs too.  They gave me the same and the spot on my lung is gone.

    If you cannot visit maybe you could Skype so you could see her, if only on the screen?

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  • shaM
    shaM Member Posts: 70
    edited January 2014

    Hi Pajim,

    Thank you very much for your reply and encouraging words.

    Doctor has prescribed her Aromasin, Zometa and radiation, Just like you mentioned above. I did some research about them and kind of know what they are supposed to do. I am just too worried that her cancer is spread way to much in her body. I am worried that because it is late and the cancer is spread, the medication wont work on her. If you see my mom, you wont really think she is ill. She told me that she recently has lost some weight and that """"after she caught cold!!!!!!!""""" her breath is a bit short (she thinks that is the cause). but all in all she is moving around when her back pain is not too much, cooks, cleans and is positive and happy!!

    I hope the medications can help her. I am very new to this forum and really am not sure what to do and how to search. have you ever read a survival story of someone like my mother with spread cancer in this website before?

    I am just trying to distract myself from thinking negative, pray for her and hope for the best.

    Blessings,

    ShaM

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  • pajim
    pajim Member Posts: 2,785
    edited January 2014

    ShaM, there are lots of women with bone mets and lung mets who have been alive for a long long time.  The anti-hormonal drugs will (with luck), stop the cancer from growing, and even shrink the tumors.  That will last until the cancer becomes sensitive to Aromasin, after which they can give her a different hormonal.

    How Stage IV works is they give you a med until it stops working, then you try another one.  There are many medications to try (if you look at the list here on breastcancer.org, you can see for yourself how long it is).

    There are ladies on the Stage IV forum who have been taking meds for 10+ years.  I met a lady at a conference who is a 15-year Stage IV survivor.  I personally am hoping to be her when I grow up.

    This is a shock to you.  It'll get better with time, particularly when you realize that your Mom is not going to die tomorrow.

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  • shaM
    shaM Member Posts: 70
    edited January 2014

    @ pajim

    Thank you very much for your encouraging and heartwarming message. I really felt much better reading it. I talked to my mom just about a few minuts ago. She is doing fine overall but her breathing is very short when she walks or go to her rooms upstairs. She says she has to sit in the middle of the stairways to be able to continue going upstairs. I hope that the medicins help her breathing gets better.

    Thank you again @pajim, God bless you and your loved ones.

    ShaM

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