9 year anniversary this week
Hi ladies,
It's been a long while since I posted here. I loved loved loved the natural girls thread back in the day when it never scrolled off the first page. I was diagnosed on December 22, 2004. Just one more year to a decade. It seems like a lifetime ago.
I'm not so paranoid anymore about it coming back. Time heals so many things. Last year I was paranoid about a heart attack after my brother died from one last year completely unexpectedly. Another wrinkle in the family medical history.
Stress runs high in my family, so I transformed my anxiety into a renewed meditation practice. Ironically, it was my brother who died that insisted I develop a meditation practice when I was first diagnosed.
I became a certified holistic health coach last year. I've decided to emphasize stress reduction in my practice, in honor of my brother who could never seem to keep it at bay, and in honor of myself to live a life I cherish every day. Many people report that cancer is the blow that delivered the wakeup call. Not so much for me. I struggled long and slow in feeling good again after treatments. I felt like crap literally for years. The answers I sought couldn't be found in the doctors' offices. I learned the difference between healing and managing disease. They are so not the same thing.
It was after my brother's sudden loss that I could feel the air in my lungs, the breeze on my skin, and truly feel grateful and blessed to be alive. I know others ahead of me said it took years to feel fully functional again. It seemed like a goal so far away as to be unattainable. Yet, here I am, nine years later. Each year got better, by a bit. Finally, this year, the pace stepped up noticeably and I wasn't crashing and burning at every turn. So that's my update. Hope to hear from familiar names, and new ones too.
Comments
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althea, it is really encouraging to us newbies to see reports from women like yourself who have survived and come out stronger. I'm sorry to hear about your brother's death--that must have been quite a blow to you and your family.
I hear you about the stress--doc said I've probably had this for 2 years and 2 years ago was the height of my stress--we were having a huge auction for my mother's household but she was still alive and going downhill quickly with what we thought was alzheimer's. (She was major-mega hoarder) I also had the job of driving her from Colorado to Missouri and at one point she was so delirious that she was trying to jump out of the car on the KS interstate! I couldn't pull off b/c there was miles of roadwork and I swear I went gray overnight. A couple of months later she died from cancer and it was so advanced that they never know where it started and she had no symptoms until the last month and she got the dx 2 wks before she died. Yes, I do believe that's when the cancer started for me--after the funeral I was so beat that I would come home from work and go to bed--for at least the first month. I didn't even get mad at myself for that.
I am interested in what you said about healing and managing the disease. Did you seek alternative treatment or wish you had? What would you have done differently? I"m wondering since you're posting on the CAM forum and I'm looking into those myself.
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Hi pipers dream,
I've been my mom's caregiver for 3 years now. She probably has dementia, but her doctor of 3+ decades isn't a good listener. It has escaped his notice how much independence she's lost, doesn't even know that she doesn't drive anymore, or that she can barely string a sentence together. Now he's on medical leave of his own, and I've got to find a new doctor for my 86 year old mom! The last bozo was completely insufferable, arrogant, and did 99% of all the talking, most of it him bemoaning health care reform and the death of modern medicine as we know it. omg, did I ever need a chill pill after that appointment!
It's just as well that he didn't spend enough time with my mom to realize what kind of state she's in. If he had figured out that she has such a poor memory and difficulty with speech, he probably would've prescribed something that wouldn't be of much help anyway.
The problem is, my mom thinks very highly of this guy because he was helpful to her with a blood clot diagnosis 10 years ago. I'd not met him until that appointment, and I just can't fathom how my mom seems to prefer doctors who do all the talking. Mom and I are on TOTALLY different pages.
Mom thinks doctors know best. She also seems to think they're some kind of detective who will pierce her veil of evasive answers. She drives me nuts sometimes! I am a very proactive patient who asks lots of questions. Another thing that used to drive me nuts is going to doctors, complaining about fatigue, and having them shrug their shoulders in an 'I-dont-know' kind of way when I turn down their offer of an antidepressant.
Now I've learned that doctors are trained to diagnose disease and treat with prescriptions, and perhaps surgery and assorted 'approved' treatments. Our health care system is really disease management. It focuses on symptoms and how to suppress them. Natural healing wants to know why the symptom exists and what message does it contain. I wanted healing from a doctor's office. It's kinda like going to a german restaurant for a taco. Better to find the place where tacos are on the menu.
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I believe this tumor had been coming on for many years but got excellarated after my biker died suddenly. I stopped eating pretty much except for spring water & brown rice. added evoo after a few days, & soon more but I'd lost 15 lbds which i've never been able to recover entirely. soon I began a yoga regime from a. tv course. this helped a great deal with the consuming grief, difficult to feel even much pain when you're trying to do an unfamiliar asana correctly
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