Starting Chemo, November 2013 Group

Gayle- ever so sorry to read of your complications.  Wishing you all the very best with your surgery tomorrow!!!

Wally- have always always said "if the cancer doesn't kill me the cure surely will..."  Although when I read of all the very many complications and SE's people are having, it makes me feel really really guilty for saying that.  I have had no complications at all and have managed my SE's fine....

Wishing everyone a happy Sunday....

Audra: Sorry to hear about your troubles.

To all:

Have you been on any kind of hormonal therapy or fertility treatment prior to your dx?

Wallymama, I totally agree.  The treatment is making me feel really lousy!  My fatigue is worse this,time and I know it will be even worse the next time.  

I felt pretty good going into chemo (didn't we all) and now I feel so tired and icky it is sapping my strength and confidence.  We are traveling for Christmas to my sisters and I know the trip is going to exhaust me, but I really want to have a normal Christmas.  So I cried last night to my husband, who,has been wonderful and he asked me when I was getting my period!  Whenever I cry he thinks it's PMS like women never get upset unless they are hormonally challenged.  So I reminded him I haven't had a period since I started chemo!  He suggested we not travel for Christmas but I feel that is giving up.  I want to see my family. 

Gayle, I feel so bad for you.  You will get through this.  I understand your frustration.

Sometimes I wish we could all be together for a few days just t sit and be with each other.  We are the only ones who truly understand.  

Smrlvr, I agree about wishing we could all get together in real life. This morning it's only your's and Audra's comments that are keeping me heartened. If you two weren't also bitching, I'd feel there was something horribly wrong with me. That we're all dragging makes me feel so much better. My husband is in the kitchen right now making breakfast for us. I'm too tired to even get myself something to eat (west coast time) but I'm hungry and weak since I was too tired to eat dinner last night. I think the last three days of going out daily to some Christmas related thingy or other did me in. I so want to celebrate as though it was a normal time, and not be a drag on my family by obstructing THEIR normal holiday.

Anyway, thank you, thank you, thank you for being there.

?maybe we need our husbands to have their own board...

Sounded bitchy about my husband who is truly a doll...have to take the snottiness out of my tone with 'not wanting to improve' on anything...

He actually read a book our friend sent us called 'breast cancer husband'...talked about everything we are going through...and he seemed to gain some knowledge...

So I take back my last post about my husband...he is great

Everyone else must be feeling better and doing things or worse and in bed....I am still on couch in my 'command station' with computer , water, Kleenex, books, bible, t.v. (not on nothing good on it)...

We used to live in Santa Clarita, Where is Alameda??

I'm here!  I've actually been reading posts off and on all morning, trying to formulate a contribution about husbands.  I keep leaning toward a "he just doesn't get it" post, then I feel too guilty and delete everything!  Mine IS doing very well and will do any and everything I want and need.  He's a little OCD about unimportant things right now, but I think that's probably b/c the big things can't be controlled.  I think our bickering really is the same bickering we always have done.  He is many wonderful things, but he is not a great people manager, so what tension we've had over the years is really all about managing our kids.  It really peaks now b/c I'm trying so hard to make sure the kids are okay with what I'm going through.  He feels they should do this or that a certain way, and I am obsessed with making sure no one feels like they are failing at handling things, like there is a right way to do this and they are not.  I posted last weekend about our "discussion" in the garage that preceded our family Christmas card photo.  That's what it all was about.  Except I left out the part where I started more than one sentence with "If this is my last Christmas, I want it to be..."  Now, I TRULY DO NOT think this is my last Christmas; the discussion just escalated and my fears came out.  I really can't blame him for anything, especially when I'm normally pretty clear headed and then I start guilt-tripping him with remarks like that.  

I am here too.  Chemo number 3 is kicking my tail and I am camped out on the couch.   Yesterday hubby wanted to take me to ER as I was totally wiped out.  No fever but out of breathe and strength.  Cou,don't eat or drink,  not even able to read the new Stephen King book he brought home for me.  He had to help me shower even.  Never in my life have I felt so helpless and frail. To be honest I don't know if I can do AC number 4.  I think my blood pressure is low, when I get up I am dizzy and have trouble standing.  Also am having pain in my left chest area and armpit which I think is from the port.  After each infusion the area around my port hurts like crazy.  Nurse thinks it is because I am kinda boney there and when they push the needle in it causes bruising....

Today I can eat and drink, able to dress myself and roam through our home.  Not sure how I can manage Christmas in a couple days.  Making the Holiday meal for our family is sounding like something I am not sure i can do.  Still have Christmas shopping to finish for the kids Nd am dreading the grocery store......

Sorry I don't have any insprirational strength to share with you guys.  I wish these side effects didnt have me couch bound.  Hopefully tomorrow we will all feel better and can enjoy our families and Christmas time.

VirginiaNJ you are amazing! Job interview, Ellen you blow me away. I so wish how I felt was psychological and I could give myself a strict talking to and get up and about: but I did up and about for 3 days and now it's down and going nowhere. Bec, I hear you on getting to the end of your rope and taking it out on your H. For those of us who have them, they're great helps and convenient whipping boys, which can also be a help (in a sick way...)

I am here, as well.

I am doing some baking with my son today, but I find everything takes so much more out of me: reaching for the flour, opening a bottle, mixing the batter etc. With every movement I feel how much my arms hurt. One arm hurts because of the port, and the other because of the drained abscess. I am battleling my grumpy mood because of the pain, but not sure if I am doing a good job controlling it. I don't want to be constantly on pain meds, since that can hurt my liver, so I try to go without them.

I want to give my son the Christmas experience he desires, but finding it very difficult this time round.

We've had freezing rain for the past two days, so we are cooped up inside as a result and starting to suffer from a submarine fever. My 8 year old son is getting jumpier and jumpier since he has not been outside for days and my hubby and I are getting grumpier by the minute.

Virginia: I admire your strength to host a Christmas dinner for 13! I don't know if I would be able to cook a meal even for 3!

Pat, thanks for letting me off the hook! My poor husband DOES take a lot of crap from me, and I need to better about appreciating that in him.

Ellen, good luck on our interview!

There ARE those of us out here (hi, Virginia!) who aren't having as tough a time with SEs, and though I know no one here would begrudge any of us not suffering, I want to make sure I don't sound like I'm gloating, so I do what I usually do when I don't know the right things to say -- say nothing. You girls have been so wonderful in supporting me (even if you don't know it), so I really shouldn't fall back on my immature do-nothing approach. Having said that, I don't really know that I'm doing anything that "works," or am I just lucky.

Northwinds, I had dizziness after AC #3. My BP is really low (90/50 is not unusual). My MO said my light-headedness was due to crashing after I stopped taking Decadron, but since she wanted me to stay with that, I was to increase my salt intake. I had AC #4 12/11 and haven't really had the same issues even though I don't think I've really been eating more salt and my BP is still low. Go figure. My port area has hurt too since AC #4. I'm going to ask about it tomorrow. It hurts to put pressure on it. I can't tell if the nerves are just waking up finally, or if something is wrong. It better not be.

Bec - on my good days I can walk 3.5 mies.  I haven't walked for the past two days due to this awful weather pattern we are having.  I really do need to get out tomorrow.  Even though I am more fatigued and can't shake this headache, the walk outside always makes me feel better.  My husband really has been great to me and would prefer for my sake that we not travel for Christmas.  But I have a new outlook and I don't want to miss anything and I also went down the road of "what is this is the last" in my reason to travel.

I am glad some of you are not experiencing these side effects.  Do not feel bad!  

Ellen, good for you going for a job interview!  You are so strong!

Melrose, thanks for the encouragement.  How long does it take to recover from chemo?

My port also bothers me sometimes.  Sometimes it feels as if it is pulling or moving.  I really hate it and can't wait until it is removed.  

I hope I feel well enough on Christmas to not think about cancer for the day.  I was able to do that on thanksgiving and we all had a nice time.  

Hoping for a walk tomorrow.

smrlvr- Hard to say exactly how long it takes to recover from the chemo.  The first 3 weeks after chemo are like the first 3 weeks after any chemo infusion.... one has the side effects, fatigue, etc.  I did have pain in my feet which I thought was plantar fascitis but looking back, the pain was probably from the chemo.  About 6 months post chemo, the pain seem to subside and was gone.  While I was on chemo, I did not massage my hands and feet the way I did prior to having chemo.  I was afraid that I would be hurting the nerve endings of my feet and hands.  I talked to my onco about the hand/foot massaging and not doing those throughout chemo and she said it was probably a good idea that I didn't massage those hands and feet.  I never lost any of my finger or toe nails and I didn't have any nails turn black or develop fungus.  I did notice that as I clipped my fingernails that they were slightly yellow and a little brittle.  During this past year, I noticed that I had more finger nail chips than I ever had before chemo.  Now the chipping has stopped.  As for gaining weight during chemo, I didn't gain very much.  I know that part of my weight gain was from the fluid retention from the chemo and Decadron (steroid).  Since I was weighed every 3 weeks, I tried to wear the same clothes at every chemo infusion so I could tell exactly how much weight I had gained.  (I know that sounds a little obsessive because... well.... it is. LOL).  I lost the water weight and still weigh less than I did before I got diagnosed.    I've made every effort to try to continue to eat well and healthy.  Yes, I do indulge now and then but I did a little of that during my time in chemoland.  I used to treat myself to a square of Tiramasu from Whole Foods but would only eat a quarter of it while I was on chemo and my taste buds were good.  My onco has told me that moderation is the key.   The recovery time will depend on how hard the side effects of the chemo have been on you.  You just have to take it one day at a time and give your body a chance to heal.   I try to walk everyday and I do stretch every day which I believe helped my UMX heal properly.  I did not have any recon and probably will not have any.  It is a very personal choice that I made because I didn't want to have any more surgery and just didn't want to risk having something hide behind the recon.  I support whatever choices anyone makes about doing recon or not doing recon. since everyone views her own body differently.   Hang on and just know your time in chemoland will end and you will recover from what you have endured.

yes, I think everyone has to represent - I think it's also helpful for those that may read this board who have not yet had chemo to know that there is the whole gamut of SE's.....

Good to know that there are a few of us who are managing well.......

My heart goes out to those who have infusions coming this week....  My onc was great about making sure I was ok for thanksgiving and Xmas......I'll be down for the count for New Years, but that's ok.  I like to veg out and watch the twilight zone marathon anyway!!  (Now I can guilt free)

Hugs- and I'm so glad my invisibility cloak came off