Anybody go on antidepressants early on?
I was handling this all pretty well considering and then I had a rough week. Too much time looking at stats and prognosis and then when I went to my local MO to get Taxol #11 he said it wasn't working and that I should see about moving on the FAC. Now I am devastated. I knew from the beginning that chemo didn't work well on ILC because of low grade, but halfway though treatment my MO at MD Anderson said it was working great. Now I think that he was just in a hurry and probably didn't read the chart well enough to know where I was before. I don't feel much difference and never did. From what I understand if the FAC doesn't do anything they will just proceed with surgery and rads and I will just be pretty likely for a reoccurance.
I am barely making it though the day. Can't make myself go back to work. My great husband took off to stay with me but he needs to go back to work. At least I get disability pay but he gets nothing.
Comments
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Warrior50,
My onc gave me a script for anxiety meds as soon as I was diagnosed. Don't beat yourself up for not going back to work. You are on disability because you have a disability and the emotional part is a part of it. Cancer is hard. Treatments are hard. Having to hear one more thing that sounds like it might be bad news can be enough to make us want to hide under the covers and cry. If you think that meds might help, then yes take them. That's what they are there for. They are medication just like any other medication and there is no shame whatsoever in taking them.
I wanted to add one other thing, I have IDC not ILC, so I am not familiar with the treatment pattern but I do know that it is common with any cancer treatment that it works very well for a time & then stops working so well, but it doesn't have any bearing on whether the next one will work well or not. Many, many hugs. -
I think it's good that your MO is switching you to FEC. I wasn't treated for ILC but had neo adjuvant for IDC. Please keep fighting - no doctor can predict your future or reoccurrence. They can only give stats. My family gives me reason to get out of bed everyday - I have a hard time too but put one foot in front on the other. Hugs to you!
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Peace strength and Ziggypop thanks for the replies. It's so nice to hear from people who understand. You have really made me feel better. I think just making a plan to do sonething about the depression helps. -
Warrior, as well as the experiences of other members, the section on Depression at the main Breastcancer.org site offers more information and advice for dealing with sadness, tiredness and depression that can come with BC diagnosis and treatment.
Making a plan to do something is a great start, and we wish you well.
• The Mods -
warrior50....I also did 12 taxol and than 4 FAC as MD Anderson recommended. I also have a grade 1 BC. One thing you need to reassure yourself with is that you will be put on a Als and MD Anderson told me that with my 95% ER+PR+ the Als would do more than the chemo. My personal experience was that taxol was easier than FAC. I had a very strict schedule that I followed of anti nausea meds when I was doing the FAC...I never throw up, but did not always feel up to eating..it was doable. I took each FAC one at a time and now I am two years out from my last treatment and feeling great!!
You are strong...look how many docs appointments you have showed up for, chemo you have behind you and you are here asking questions...strong is showing up for this very hard, scary and overwhelming journey...you're doing that!! I cried the first few chemos...just couldn't believe this was my life and what was happening to it, but I made it to the end and you will too. Seek any help you need!! Please keep us posted on how you are doing!! -
When I was first diagnosed and climbing the walls about how long I'd have to wait for surgery (I didn't have neoadjuvant chemo),.my GP put me on Mirtazepine as I told him I couldn't sleep through anxiety and was exhausted. I just wanted something to get me through that waiting period.
He decided I was depressed, so I took the meds for just a few days. I didn't sleep better, and what sleep I DID get was plagued with really weird, funky dreams. Then I suddenly got a surgery date, and felt 100% better straight away! I never did feel I was depressed, just crazy anxious, but he said it'd help my sleep. I stopped the pills that day!
NOW I am finished all treatments and returning to work, I am having a really anxious time re mets! And, guess what? I can't sleep! So another doc has put me on clonazepam 0.5mg, prn. I've taken them two nights, and had two long sleeps, and I also feel quite a bit calmer. I don't want to take them when I have work next day, nor get too dependent on them, but I sure wish I'd been given them early on, a year ago!! -
I saw an MO, yesterday and he got me a prescription for Lexapro. I have also had a few good days because my husband has been distracting me and my parents are here and that akways mskes me fell better. My kids are coming next week so i will enjoy that.
Right now I am workng on hoping i have a long life, but accepting that i get what i get and its been a wonderful life already.
You guys have helped me so much!
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I'm glad you're taking advantage of medication for your depression. I read somwhere on one of the forums here at BCO.org that "Depression is not a sign of weakness. It's a sign you've been strong for too
long."Oceana

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Thanks Oceana. I am feeling a little better most of the time. I had a bunch of hot flashes last night and got panic attacks with them. Then I thought, no wonder your getting depressed, the chemo is wrecking havoc on your hormones which is a good thing. Then I felt a little better.
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I've been there. I did 4 rounds of AC and they repeated the mammo to see if it was working and I was told it wasn't. It was the worst news for me, here I am trying to get through chemo and stay as positive as possible and you tell me this, I wanted to give up and stop putting my body through this. That was over 3 yrs ago, so I guess it was working! Chemo most definetly is adding to your emotions, so keep on keeping on, you will get through this. I was given ativan at dx but didnt like them so I chose not to take them but I probably should have. After I got through tx I got on paxil and now I'm on effexor. They do help so don't hesitate using them if you need to, I wish I would have earlier.
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I'm not stage 3 so I hope it is ok if I post here. I was recently told that I had to stop chemo after one treatment because of diverticulitis and it is too risky. I am trying to deal with that and some other things so considered antidepressants but I worry about the getting used to them part. When I was in hospital a couple of weeks ago I got lexapro (first time) and it made me feel really depressed. I am wondering how long it takes until they make you feel a bit better. I also slept a lot that first time.
These are unusual circumstances and I agree we should do what we can. I have used ativan and it takes away the anxiety but tends to make me more depressed the next day. Thanks for any input and best wishes for everyone going through this. xo
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thanks Jennyboog, you give me hope.
Wrenn - sorry you are having similar issues. They told me a couple of weeks for the Lexapro but also it doesn't work for everyone and there are other things out there.
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Effexor has helped me get back to living. I'm not thinking about breast cancer nearly as much as i used to. An extra perk, it helps with the HOT flashes. I take 3 @ 75mg XR a day. Tried one, then two, when at three for about 6 weeks, felt like doing things again. Feels so good!
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I was already on anti-depressants prior to dx, taking 20 mg of celexa. I was working on getting off of them and when I was dx'd I actually went up to 40 mg. Lately I've noticed that 40 mg just isn't cutting it anymore. If I miss a does normally I will get a sensation of a brain shock, it's weird, but I don't know any other way to describe this. Lately if I only take 1 40 mg pill, I still get that sensation. I've been taking 80...so I need to call my PCP about this. Not sure what this is about...I havent started chemo yet, but I am overwhelmed.
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tangandchris,
It is overwhelming, but you can do this, slow down, don't expect too much from yourself, you still have a way to go. Keep posting when it gets too tough (yes....that will happen). There will be usually someone here to help.
Me too, I was on anti-D's when dx Venlafaxine, the GP upped my dose, but not sure if it that's working too well. I am going for a review in Jan.
I hope your Christmas was tolerable for you.
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Been feeling better the last couple of days. Don't know if the Lexapro has kicked in or having the kids here for Christmas or just starting FAC just gave me some hope. Actually slept 13 hours last night and I hadn't slept over 3 for the last 3 weeks.
Hoping for peace and strength for all of us!
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It's good to hear you are feeling better, Warrior.
Oceana

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I only had asked onc for something to deal with hot flashes from chemo-induced menopause. She put me on Effexor then tried one more which I can't remember. Instead of reducing the hot flashes, it made them worse. And upon reading further information about how anti-depressents can harm your bones, I decided they really weren't working for me and why would I want to damage my bones?? My cute little 1 yr old grandson is now my anti-depressent medicine.

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Thanks Oceana!
Shelly-I wish I had one of those antidepressants! My kids are taking their time, but they both have awesome partners so I think maybe a few more years.
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Warrior50 - Glad that you are feeling better. It is amazing what a good night of sleep and some family time can do for us.
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Warrior - I'm hoping you will welcome grandchildren soon ! There is a special bond between grandchild/grandparent that is sometimes just as strong as parent/child. I saw a sign recently at a craft fair that said, "I never knew how much love my heart would hold until someone called me grandma." Happy New Year !
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