September 2013 Chemo Group

Karen and Josgirl, thank you for telling us about your starting experiences with tamoxifen. I am sorry to hear, Karen, that you were so upset today and that you feel it could be a tamoxifen side effect. Did steroids affect you that way? Occasionally I got easily frustrated and snippy on steroids. Hope that it gets better. I'm due to start them in January probably.

I am hoping it is not a side effect.  I am hoping that it is just my extreme frustration with the fact that a couple weeks of work would have brought a couple weeks of "normalcy" after 5 months of anything but...and I feel like that has been ripped from under my feet.  Usually I just cope a bit better than this.  

{{{{{KBee}}}}}    Sounds like conditions were ripe for a storm.   Don't beat yourself up over it.  We all meltdown.  Some of us just have easier escape routes than others. ;-)   My kids are older.  If I need to get really upset, I hit the escape hatch, take a ferry to the island next door, and yell at God. 

Btw, my son happens to be on a 7 day ski trip with his dad.  They are in Tahoe.  I'm glad Tom got a chance to get away from the pressures of school and seeing me bald all the time.  If nothing else, I want my hair back so I look normal and healthy around the kids again.

Audra - I'm glad all of your doctors are saying not to worry.  I know, easy for them to say, right?  In my opinion, there's nothing worse than "wait and see".  {{hugs}}

Kbeee - I'm sorry about your bad mood.  I can so relate.  I've been having a huge emotional steroid crash for the last week or so.  I hope if it is a SE of tamox that it's something that will even out.  (I'll be on tamox 10 years!).

Lisa - Wow you have a lot of hair!  :-)   I know it probably doesn't seem like it to you, but to those of us who are shiny bald, it's amazing!

I got to babysit my great-nephew today (gosh, that makes me sound old - I'm only 40!!).  He's 7 months old and adorable.... but good Lord, a chemo patient does NOT have the stamina to take care of a baby from 7am until 6pm if they haven't done it in seven years.  LOL   Then tonight was my son's football party, so we didn't get home until almost 9pm.  <sigh>  

Tomorrow dh and I head to Dallas.  We're having an evening out at the casino and then Thursday is a big day of appointments for me.  I'm seeing my PS and BS, as well as the gynecological oncologist (even though I'm not having the hysterectomy yet).  I'm also having mammogram, ultrasound and breast MRI to see what chemo did to my cancer.  We'll have a 3 hour drive home after that, so it will be an exhausting day for sure.  I'm thankful dh's family lives close by and can take care of our kids, getting them to & from school, keeping them overnight, etc.  

Oh - my mom got her BRCA results back and she was negative.  Both of my grandmothers had BC, so I guess it came down from my dad's side.  Now to notify my aunt and all of my cousins.  yahoo.

Mankatostate: Yes I am through rads and through with active treatment! Yay! What I was left with was a red spot like a sunburn on the left breast (where the boosts were) and fatigue. Fatigue began last week of rads (which ended the 10th) and continues. I expect it will get better in a week or so; it's just annoying to be so tired when I've a billion things to do for Christmas. How are rads treating you?  

KJ: Glad my chia pet hair gives you hope! Seriously though I'm happy to see it because I am so ready to be done with this wig. It is SO hot, especially if hot flashes decide to appear, then it's like a furnace. I'm very glad it's winter because I can't imagine wearing it in summer! 

LHL: Don't worry it won't be long after chemo til hair starts to sprout. Just wish it would grow faster! Well, maybe in another two months I can be crewcut Lisa and ditch the wig. I swear when it gets to a respectable crewcut length I'm dying it purple! Good luck with all your appointments and have a blast at the casino.

Karen: Glad you're feeling better and you were able to let your husband know how you feel. Great that you can have more work too. 

You know, the mixed messages we receive are odd -- really watch closely especially for the next five years, but don't worry though. Right. Do your monthly self exams, go to doc follow ups every three months, watch for other symptoms, but don't obsess. I think this is when I'll be needing a support group big time. LOL!

Audra - I am sure all of us will have our scares (and I hope that is all it is for all of us these next many years).  I think it is just going to be the nature of our lives now and I hope the more we go through this journey the less anxiety there will be and the more 'ok I need to get this looked at ASAP!" with haste.  The fear of reoccurance is so real.  But for me I know my boob has been through so much I am just not going to stress about it's changes until a month after rads...but then it is on! But I also remember how I felt when I found the lump and I knew something wasn't right.  I had all sorts of clogged ducts and mastitis (I was breastfeeding at the time I found the lump) and that is what everyone said the lump was but I knew it wasn't that.  Couldn't think the word cancer but I knew it wasn't right.  I hope that my body will fight any chance of a reoccurance tooth and nail but if I do get one I hope my body will provide me with the right clues and not stress over every change.  I can hope right?  But I can totally relate to how you are feeling and while the doc opinions are reassuring I know you won't feel completely better until the matter is resolved.  I have no advice but hang in there and we are all with you!  Oh and it has been a lovely past few days here in WA - no rain and 40s - I'll take it!

Kbee - I have been feeling just wasted recently and while I think that finishing chemo, starting rads, finishing school blah blah blah are all valid reasons, I feel mentally a little unhinged.  I recently realized that as a very active runner for over 10 years and then suddenly stopping (with all the surgeries and feeling crappy I basically have ran maybe 10 times since diagnosis) is playing a big role in this too.  My mental state was always made better by running - it was my meditation time and now I need that meditation time more than ever.  Not being able to run is I think contributing more to my crappy feelings than the medical treatment.  I have been thinking of this a lot and wonder what you think.....I am starting to just force myself to go to the gym and do the elliptical - it is not running and I don't get the mental release but I need to do something and running (with the chafing just isn't in the cards til March or so - depending on my se from rads).  Anyway, I have been thinking of this a lot recently and maybe this is a contributor for your crappy feelings too? 

Michelle - good luck with all the apts and the Casino!  The three girls I know with BRCA+ mutations also got it from their father's side.  I'm sure that doesn't mean anything but weird coincidence. You've had a really good attitude dealing with your results although I am sure it was not / is not easy.  I'm sorry that you have to communicate them with your family in the middle of all this too.    And great job even trying to keep up with a 7 month old all day - my 2yr old poops me out after just a few hours! 

I got a new SE from Taxol. MO & of course the nurses too ask me weekly about finger/toe neuropothy. So far no issue. But I got the facial tingling, some numbness. 

I felt it around my mouth during treatment last week but it went away so quick I forgot about it. But yesterday it lingered after I got home.

It isn't as common as the fingers & toes but does happen. I am one who tends to get the "rare & adverse" SEs from most RX so I am not surprised LOL 

At least I know now from the onco nurse who told my MO about it that they would probably NOT consider stopping the Taxol. That was my worry, not so much the facial issue but that I couldn't continue treatment. 

Anyone else have this?

vintage - I had tongue numbness, which resolved between each infusion and did not remain after I finished chemo.  It took a bit longer for the fingertip and bottom of the foot numbness to go away, but they did as well.

70charger - radiation can also sometimes depress blood counts so your nosebleed may have actually been from rads.

Wow, lots of great pix! Glad to see ppl are doing well. I don't have a pic yet, but just now, about 7 weeks PFC, I seem to be getting some hair on my head. It's somewhere between 5 o'clock shadow & peach fuzz, except in black (my natural color) & a little patchy around my skull. But yay, hair! I'm getting tired of all these hats & wigs are starting to look fake-in-a-bad-way to me.

But rads, man, piece of cake compared to chemo. Wish I could have done that only! I'm a third of the way thru, no SEs, it's just a bit annoying to go in each day.

Wow, it's nice to come back to so many great pics!  I don't take very good selfies but here's a couple taken with my newborn a few weeks back, one with my wig. . I already have good fuzz leftover from AC and it looks like four weeks of Taxol hasn't taken it away...yet.  Hopeful it will continue to keep growing!

Cougar, WOW!  What beatiful pictures.  That's amazing your baby had hair.  I guess that shows the AC wasn't crossing the placental barrier.  Very cool.

I woke up this am with a UTI.  It's the second one I've had while on chemo.  I don't ususally have an issue with this, but I guess that sex and chemo don't mix to well for me.  After the first one, I have been very careful about drinking lots of water (I even put d-mannose in the water bottle each time after sex) and getting up and urinating as soon as I can.  I think I fell asleep last time and it caught up with me.  My resistance is low for sure.  I went to the walk-in clinic this morning and had them do a urinalysis just to make sure it was actually a UTI.  I didn't want to take antibiotics unnecessarily.  It was a UTI, they also cultured it, so if this antibiotic doesn't work, they will know what will.  

Oh well, this is a frustrating blip, but not a serious issue as long as the antibiotics work.  I also have Piridium for the pain/frequency issues.

Cougarlicious

 nice to see you & sweet baby, fabulous pics!!!!!!!

Simplelife hope you feel better soon.

Lhl I hope your baby is ok and you get to eat soon.

Audra I don't take anything to help me sleep, but if this continues I might have to. I know the expanders do feel like they are going under my armpit, unfortunately I have to wait a year after rads for my permanent ones.

Cougar,   beautiful pics!  Loved the contrast and compare.  Same pose and clothes, but one with hair and one without.

Last chemo tomorrow!  Amen and Amen!!

Next on the horizon is surgery.  I keep trying to imagine how I will look.  This is so so very obtuse to wrap my head around.

It is an anchovy and pineapple pizza sort of night.

I am with Audra and jos girl on the lack of drive.  Uuugh.

Cougar, Love, love love the pictures!!!!!!

kj, Yahoooooooooo for you!  May you have minimal side effects from this last trip to the chair!

LHL, I hope your appointments went well, and that your travels were safe.  hope your little one is feeling better.