Starting Chemo, November 2013 Group

Audra67-  If you can, try to be easy on yourself and kind to yourself.  You needed to see the doctor today to have something checked out.  You need not try to label yourself in your own head about what you think others are thinking about you when you bring a medical situation to their attention.  When you call your doctor for help, you are not bothering him/her at all.  It is part of your medical team's job to help you get through all of the treatment plan no matter where you are in the process.  They do understand the anxiousness you have and are making every effort to help you work through this.  I know that the peace and calm that you are searching for is there waiting for you; it takes time to reach that point.  Everyday, I try to find a little calm, a little peace, lots of good conversation, laughter and smiles and keep moving forward..... one day at a time..... one step at a time.  Sending you positive thoughts and prayers your way!!!!!!

A suture sounds like a perfectly reasonable explanation, to me. Certainly more reasonable and less far-fetched than cancer popping back up that fast and large enough to be felt. Your mind knows this, so now just give your superstitious fears permission to believe it.

I'm glad you are going to get counseling. I've done that downward spiral of fear and dark thoughts and anxiety and complete with ranting, crying, and pacing, and then trying to re-gain control of it and having that make it worse because you *can't* regain control...which just inspires more anxiety.

Sometimes, to get a grip on it, you've got to learn to let go of it first.

Counseling ought to be a big help with that---and hypnotism might be just the thing. In any case, if you are like I was, just knowing that HELP IS ON THE WAY will help a LOT. We can't always do this alone, and sometimes it's just silly to try to. Get all the help you can with dealing with the mental aspects so that YOU can concentrate on living happily and getting better.

Also LOVE what your onc said about living your life and not letting cancer live your life. He(?) sounds like a keeper! You should really print his words out on some paper and stick it on a wall someplace so you can't HELP but think about it on a regular basis.

BTW, that's one of the things I'm actually doing--- printing out little quotes and inspirational words and sticking them to the walls of my bedroom. It's not exactly decor that HGTV would approve of (lol) but I'm surrounding myself with positive thoughts..... and giving myself an excuse to repaint this room (woohoo get to choose a new color) when all this is over.

Hugs to you, dear Audra. Help is on the way and it IS going to get better. Rest your mind, if only for a few minutes, and KNOW that it's going to get better...and SOON. You have my prayers.

Supposed to have AC #2 today, but oh not quite. Had a rare complication instead. It seems that the ports can 'flip' over and mine did. After several painful attempts to manipulate it back over, they called a surgeon who was doing some ports today and he agreed to see me. So instead of chemo, I spent 4 hours at the hospital getting the port fixed. At least it the could be turned, the surgeon was afraid at first that it might have to be replaced. Now I have a new incision to worry about. Oh well, it could be worse and the MO's office did managed to rescheduled me for tomorrow.

Smrlvr, sorry you need to go through more tests. That is one of the worst parts, waiting for results. How'd your chemo go today?

Altbraves, as a rough figure, if everything goes according to schedule (and we all know how seldom that happens) I won't even start rad until probably mid June. I'm figuring that mid to end of July may be when I walk out of the tunnel. So I'm here for the long run.

Audra, you are certainly not crazy to worry, at this point in our lives everything is suspect. I find myself examining the other breast, as if something could have escaped detection with all the tests I've had. But now take a deep breath and believe in your MO.

Lisa, I'm facing 5-10 years of some sort of therapy after everything else too. Not sure what yet, but I'm doing some research so I know what to ask my MO when the time comes.

Amazon, soooo glad you're feeling better. I'm not sure how shoveling snow could make anyone feel better, but I totally understand the part about being outside. Everything feels so much better if I can just get out for awhile. That's why I hate winter so much. It limits my time outside.

I think a facebook group sounds good. But can't we just stay on here?

I'm O-. As Bec said, boring but oh so useful to all you more exotic types.

Must go get an ice pack now. The lidocaine is wearing off and the newly repaired port is hurting like hell. But the doc did give me a 50,000 mile warranty on it.

rough few days...when I can will catch up. didn't go to er had a LONG scheduled once in life event. family thing....i know im being rebellious. .(not my norm) .of course bad girl behavior. missed so much in past. ....but wanted soooooo badly to go...

.missing out on full moon canoe trip down river tonite w hubby.....too cold....... .....his oworkers scheduled it.. even dec in florida! NUTS! Awesome wacked1! feeling like hit by truck, ears ringing worse than normal and EXAUSTED ...sniff...sniff...wanna be in moonlight w hubby canoing......HAVE HAD CHRISTMAS tree for days....it looks pathetic..naked. i want to decorate but cant move. add the chills...hoping not to go to er...but dragging my PTSD hEELS...looks like our off week ladies are doing well!! huggs and prayers! keep the focus!!!! not too much longer and they e will ALL b VICTORIOUS!!!

not the best advice not to go sooner. ..... bad me. ..... wanted sees son n and family... grrrr phone!

I'm one TC down, 3 to go, then radiation and tamoxifen. B- blood type. Thinking I'm going to buzz off my hair tomorrow!

Good night beauties!!

Hey,

Audra, you're great! My lump incision are feels just like a ginormous BC tumor...and I freaked because I know that I still have some of those durn IDC/ILC buggers in me, hence the upcoming surgery. I think it's very much on the normal spectrum to feel something that feels scary and get ramped up, especially when one is wearing the sparkly pink high-tops that we are.

And I started going to therapy about four years ago because of the devolvement of my marriage to my b@$/@&d of an ex-douchebag and I am still going. In part, because I've had a lot of life changes to navigate (all good ones until the BC speed bump) and in part because I really like my therapist. Make sure you really like who you're seeing!

Lisa, I am also stunningly regular (period-wise) and got mine last week...and Aunt Flo is visiting for much longer than usual. What's up with that? I thought she goes to Florida during the chemo winter.

For those who are curious (or even if you aren't) as to why I asked about blood type, I sort-of try to usually follow to a certain extent on most days of several months the "Eat Right 4 Your BloodType" plan. The science/logic/anecdotal info is pretty interesting and he theorizes that Type A is prone to BC (and heart disease and diabetes) which is true in my family, anyway.

Oh, and my hair is falling out in gobs. It looked like I had skinned a woodland creature in the shower this morning. Which I wouldn't do because I don't eat meat. Anyhoo, there are thousands of 80-year-old men with male pattern baldness who have much better heads of hair than I currently do.

It occurred to me that Melrose is our Fairy ChemoMother...you're so sweet to take us under your pretty wing!

Good night, John Boy!

histones momma!!!!!

phone. ..her...wrenn

i had shaved Paulette. It is my stubble falling out... Like snowflakes.

Wrenn, finally your hair falls out, vindicating your preemptive shave! I understand that you're "glad" it's falling, since if it didn't you'd be angry that you shaved it. It's like when they put me in the hospital 3 weeks ago, I was glad they did, because otherwise I would have felt foolish going to the ER. Good old bassackward logic.

@PatAlameda : THat's EXACTLY the sort of logic I would use! I'm weirdly cheered up by that. Thank you.

@Stonesmama -- -and other lurkers: it's okay if you don't post just because you don't WANT to post, but please, if you DO want to, don't be afraid to.

You might not get a response immediately because we ALL have chemo-brain and sometimes we don't even realize someone HAS posted until later when we re-read everything. I know that during the middle part of last week I COULD NOT read posts here --- I tried, but after the third word in a line my brain would shut off. You might not get that "personal" response until something you say happens to resonate with someone--- I dont' think my first few posts on these forums got any response at all lol.... but no matter what it is that YOU have to say, someone out there needs to hear/read it. Seriously.

And if you just don't want to post...it's cool. We're holding your hands anyway....because we need you to hold ours. See how that works?

Hugs.

Nope Wrenn, you can't get out of this group that easily. You're one of us, and nothing your onc can say will change that. Why? Because we'd MISS YOU too much.

So there. You're stuck with us.

once u are one of u are ETERNALLY connected!! remember....the Aliens linked our brains!