Cytoxan Taxotere Chemo Ladies- February/March 2013
Comments
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MinusTwo- I am a recurrence too. My cancer was treated with the full arsenal (chemo and a year of Herceptin)... They have no way of knowing if my current cancer was rogue cells left over from the first cancer or a new emerging cancer (though I think they are leaning towards the latter).
All any of us can do is go at it with both barrels and hope for the best. This cancer thing sure is scary and definitely keeps u on your toes.......... -
Minus Two-
Just read your posts, you are my hero, that was the perfect storm and how awful and annoying! You have been going through this awhile and doing so many chemo treatments! How do you stay strong mentally? AND physically, I've only had 2 treatments and I'm ready to be done!
I have had a hard day feeling awful with body aches , headache, fatigue, now my tongue was bleeding when I brushed my teeth and it looks like a sore on the side....I have been feeling mad about this all day- why?? How do I know how to keep it from coming back? what do I eat/drink/do to keep it from reoccurring? I am mad at people that don't have it in my neighborhood, school, anyone I know right now- why??? Just feeling angry and sooooo soooo tired of the illness from the chemo or the neulasta shot, not sure which... I feel like such a wienie... you are just amazing..
Headeast- Sounds like you had great day! What a wonderful experience, and encouraging! I would benefit so much from hearing all of the women or seeing a bunch that have survived...!!
I am thinking of seeing a psychologist or counselor or something...I really would like to get the worries and be able to not be so filled with anxiety at the thought of AFTER chemo, when I should be happy and normal again am I going to worry daily about reoccurrence? How do you not? I have faith and I know God is in control but I also seem to have control issues and anxiety that I've never known before until I got this. I really HATE how this has made me feel, so worried and not myself...
I have read and seen on tv that stress and emotions cause disease...so that makes the concern grow, If I'm not dealing with this anxiety or any other issues in my life, is disease coming again>>????
Am I a freak or do any of you all feel that way at times??
And this seems to be just when I am feeling awful and horrid, when I'm on the 3rd week before next treatment I am positive, no worries, feel great and like my old self...
Is it all part of these awful drugs? Or just being so tired and not able to do things normally do and depressing?
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Audra ((((((hugs))))). We are going through done tough stuff and all your feelings are normal. I see a therapist so I value that immensely!!! I have not as of yet taken any medications, but talk to your MO if you are having feelings of sadness or depression. Does you cancer center have a psychologist/ social worker on staff? That may be a good start. I'm trying to get through one day at a time. This round is kicking my butt and I am wiped. I will take Xanax as needed and Ativan for sleep. My goal is to get through treatment and then begin the difficult task of piecing my life back together. Not sure how, the fear of reoccurrence will always be with me, but we have options open to is that never existed.
I am also joining every clinical trial I qualify for, in an effort to be part of the cure. I have bad days and not so bad days. This sucks, my body hurts, I'm exhausted, bald and my stomach is distended. I am also in this to win it. We all must fight as hard as we can and when I can't... I come here, call my therapist. Etc.
this is not easy, but we are doing this and we can do this. For me- he who has started a good work on me will see it yo completion..... Please hang in there. -
Audra, Because you tend to feel like yourself that third week, I would say it is the drugs, coupled with their side effects...pain, feeling cruddy, lack of sleep, messed with hormones, etc that are making you feel the way you do. Talking with someone would probably be a great idea. You are doing this, and you are past the 13.1 point in the marathon.
I do have that fear of recurrence too, and will do everything I can to prevent it. If it happens, I will do the same thing as now...fight the beast and win. I do not let that fear consume me, too much else to do. Because I face "fear-inducing" situations at work regularly, I have tried to fight this cancer the way I fight fires at work. I have a philosophy that has 5 phrases I live by there... 1. Assemble your team; 2. Trust your team; 3. Fight hard; 4.Fight without fear; 5. Adapt when necessary. That really is the only way I know how to fight scary situations, so it is what I did naturally, and it has helped me a lot. You all are a crucial part of my team. My biggest challenge has been trusting my MO. I know i need to, so I do need to work on that...and maybe I need to communicate things to him more clearly. The "adapting"part is the hardest during chemo when all of the nasty surprises and curveballs are thrown in our path. -
Audra, you look great,I love your scarf!!! you put it on in a very nice way!,and congrats on being done. -
Audra- You are heading in the right direction and fortunately, you know yourself so well. If you think you need counseling, get it and do not think twice about it. Yes, it is so very easy to fall into what my other bc survivor gal pals call the "fear hole". I know there are some days that you just can't seem to help but fall in and can't seem to get yourself out. Do what you have to do to keep moving forward. I'm on the other side of chemo and active treatment so I do know where you are at this point in time. Each of us has her own coping abilities and mechanisms and never a good idea to compare ourselves to each other. What is important is you and how you are feeling emotionally and physically and what you do to handle things in your own way and on your own terms and in your own time. You have continued to be very open about how you are doing here which is a good thing. There may be other gals here who read what you have written and are saying to themselves that they feel the same way but can't find the words to express how they are feeling. I thank you for continually sharing. I have read enough of your posts to see that you are person of strong faith. Continue having faith in yourself and faith that you have been preparing for this time and just didn't know it at the time. All of life's events and adventures that you have experienced before now have prepared you to handle this time. Sometimes, you just have to believe a little in yourself. I'm sending you many many hugs and positive calming healing prayers, thoughts and energy.
Wishing all a wonderful weekend with minimal side effects. Please remember to keep breathing,,,,,
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yes, Audra. My pont in posting this was that now we hear more about people going through cancer treatments and living many years after.
Time has changed in our favor.
I am a positive thinker, I always have been. I do believe I won't get it again. I don't know why or how I know it, but I do. A lady i the luncheon today asked me that question and I answered firmly. Then she told me she thought the same way and she never had it. It has been over 20 years for her. It is all in our minds. Believe it. You are going through this and sucks. But there is light at the end of the tunnel amd you will see it very soon. Just have patience and take care of your body. If you feel any side effect, as small as you think, call the MO. When you feel better physically you will feel mentally too.
I am huge in charities and maybe that would be a good idea for you. The people you meet want to give back and will do everything to make you feel good. They were there, in our shoes before us and know how we feel. They join because they want to give back for something they had or a family member had. -
Thanks, MinusTwo, for taking the time to describe your experience with 6x taxotere for me. I haven't had your GI SEs -- no diarrhea, taste issues, nausea, etc. My main SE has been muscle aches, mostly upper body, which really intensified after chemo3 on Monday. I'm feeling better today, thank goodness, but Wed and Thu were really rough. If it hadn't let up today, I'm sure I'd have been on the phone bawling to my MO. I have a tiny amount of numbness and tingling in my fingertips, but I also have some weird sensations in my nail beds so it's hard to know if this is beginning neuropathy or not. Keeping a eye on that! I will ask my MO about slowing the infusion rate.
I am so sorry to hear that you are dealing with a recurrence -- so #%^* unfair! But I'm glad to know there is a good treatment option for you -- please keep us posted on your progress!
Anyhow, thanks again for taking the time to reassure me that I can get through this -- you and the other women on this discussion board are the BEST! -
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Headeast -- your elf is a cutie!! -
thank you, I love my elf! -
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i am doing e-cards with my elves -
Thanks so much KBEE, school counselor, Melrose, and Headeast!
Sorry for the poor me today...just feeling awful and wanting to do something about it...
I have had aches in my hands even today...my daughter suggested I stop chemotherapy and only do 2! That sounded like such a wonderful idea!
But I won't I want to do everything I can to prevent the reoccurrence so I'm going to hang in there! I really had never thought of quitting...but when she mentioned it I got so excited in my mind like what a great thought!
Anyhow thanks so much for the support and I will try to be the supporter instead of support-e soon!
This is just killin me!Headeast= your dog is darling!
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Audra it helps me when people talk about how bad it is for them. I think you shouldn't stop yourself from expressing that or feel like you have to be a supporter. To me it shows strength when you can voice what is really going on for you. Thank you. I hope tomorrow is a better day. Xo -
Audra, I have stage III BC, and have plenty to be afraid of, but much to be thankful for also. I have come to believe that the worst possible "side effect" of BC would certainly be to allow fear of the future to rob us of the joy of the present. The reality is that the present -- the "right now" -- is all anyone healthy or sick ever has. The future is always a big crap shoot. If I get run over by a truck next week, I don't want my last thought to be, "Oh damn, I wasted my time worrying about BC!"
So far, what works for me when unexpected anxiety slaps me upside the head is first to try a Scarlett O'Hara -- I'll decide to think about that tomorrow (and then I don't). If that doesn't work, I try deliberate distraction -- get up, read a book, call a friend, start an annoying postponed project, exercise (an annoying project by definition), catch up on one of these online discussion threads... If distraction doesn't lift me out of my funk, I reread Matthew 6:25-34 (see my signature below), especially verse 27: "And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life?" Although from the Bible, the idea that worry is (worse than) useless for things outside our control is not just a Christian concept, it's just a 100% logical truth. Then I can usually go back to my chosen distraction, which now feels much more satisfying. If that weren't the case (so far), I'd be the first in line at my pastor's or a psychologist's office. No shame in being as proactive for our emotional well-being as we are for our physical health!
Audra, Wren is right on target when she points out that posting even our negative feelings here is healing. We see that feeling sad, angry, fearful is a normal part of the journey and that we are not alone. I like your idea that sometimes we are the supporter and sometimes the supportee -- a lovely definition of true friendship! -
Well said Bluegrassharp (and those those that offered words of comfort).
Audra, I have been feeling the same as you... Very very achy headachy depressed pissed off at everyone. I joked yesterday that I "hated everyone" and every little comment people made annoyed me. Had a FB friend message me asking me how I felt, and I told her that I felt really crappy, and she said "but it will pass!!!!" I said "yeah I know" then she said something about going out for beer and sushi and I said well, that won't be until well into the new year and she said "but the time will go really fast" and I felt like replying "for whom will it go fast??????"
Anyhow, I think it's the evil neulasta lol. Last night I had excruciating bone pain sleeping- well NOT sleeping. It seems to have passed.
I also totally get where you are coming from on the recurrence. I lost my mom at a very young age (both her and I) to BC, so it's always been a part of my life. I had a lumpectomy the first time, I am kind of gob smacked that it came back. And now that I have had the reccurrence and the double mast, I am terrified of it coming back again. So I TOTALLY get where you are coming from there. I asked my onc, "how are you going to monitor me for mets?" and she said through physical exams and blood work. While she found this cancer with a physical exam, my cancer did NOT show up in my bloodwork... I know that my PS will do MRI's every 2 years to check the implants (to make sure they are not leaking) but it does definitely make me anxious.
Prior to surgery I felt like I was literally going to go crazy (I still feel that way). I saw a psychiatrist and she put me on an anti-depressant, but it made me barf, so I only took it twice. I agree with the others, it is helpful to talk to someone, though I do find this board very cathartic....
We are getting a killer snowstorm...supposed to have upwards of 10" of snow! :O Trying to motivate myself to wrap some presents or bake a batch of cookies.....so far no luck.
Hope everyone is hanging in there!!!!!!! -
FairyDogMother - I just love the picture you posted! That's so awesome that you do themes. My guy shaved his head and surprised me before my hair fell out and it made me feel better to have him bald with me. These men are so sweet. I've tried to have control over my attitude through this and wore different wigs to each chemo, but I adore the creativity you have with doing themes!
I am pages behind on reading this thread but saw the pic and had to say something. Hang in there all you who are struggling with TC right now! 5 weeks out now and things are starting to get so much better for me. Hair and eyebrows are filling in (although still very short), muscle weakness and soreness is lessening and neuropathy is intermittent and mild. I'm looking forward to where I'll be in a few more weeks. -
thank you, Audra! -
I have felt good enough today to actually give my house a normal cleaning. First time in I can't remember when. It does feel good to have it clean! The things we take for granted. I am going to finish a sewing project this afternoon and chill on the couch this evening. I am missing my GS's 5th bday party today thanks to my friend nadir:). But, next year I won't be missing a thing!
well said BGH!
stay warm ladies~enjoy peace and comfort this week-end. You deserve it!
((HUGS))
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headeast, your pups are adorable! Thanks for posting:). I have a rescued Boxer. She has surely been my best friend through this.
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Hi everyone,
I'm really tired this round, jut absolutely exhausted. I could lie in bed all day. In the middle of a snow storm so we are are all home here. It must be the anemia, I am just so tired. I popped into to visit my BS the other day. I was there seeing a dietician, I asked for her and she told me to come right in without an appointment. I missed her and so made an appointment with her. She said she will be monitoring me every 4 moths going forward, in addition to my MO. I also made an appointment with my OBGYN, since I am two months late with that. The MO on call said to me, if you have had a clear pap in the last three years you should be fine, really that's what you say to someone with BC, who had a clear MRI 3 months prior to diagnosis. Hmph! Also going to meet with my Cardiologist for an office visit soon.
My BS encouraged me to take advantage of the Reiki, Accupuncture, pilates and yoga that the cancer center offers for free. I think I might just take them up on it. I'm just rambling and just tired...... -
Thank you, Keepthefaith! I just wanted to share my elves with the ladies in this thread and give tou a smile! -
Headeast -- lovin those elves!! Thanks for sharing!
SC -- I am super duper tired this tx as well. Even though I only had the C, no T, in this infusion, I am just dragging. And my leg muscles are really weak -- it's an odd feeling. This is the most severe crash I have had as steroids wear off. Could be also, due to the accident I had yesterday (got rear ended on the freeway) that the extra adrenalin and emotion involved with that has pulled me into deeper fatigue.
Mellie -- thanks for checking in and letting us know that things will get better. Glad you are doing so well!
KTF -- A clean house feels so good! I got halfway through my bathroom this morning before I just had to give up (too tired) -- but the clean tub looks so much more inviting! Think I will take a soak and then go to bed!
Hope all have a peaceful night! -
Does anyone know when your general doc takes over from your MO for general illness? I am getting a cold, which is rapidly transitioning into either a sinus infection or bronchitis. I am scheduled to see MO on Friday for 4 week follow up, but if I need to see a doctor before then, I would much rather see my family doc...but I do not care to be scolded by MO for doing so.
This is my own fault because in the last week, I kind of entered "I'm sick of this and I do not give a crud" mode and was not careful about using hand sanitizer, taking supplements, etc. which was really dumb with a daughter who's sick. So I got what I deserved, but want to kick this without more visits to MO. If I call, they will probably say what they always do...call back in a few days if not better...and I will probably flip out if/when they do (tired of always being to,d that). So...is it ok to call family doc on monday, or should I at least call MO first? -
I would call both. I went to see my Family Doctor for a stomach ache, my OBGYN for another issue. All my doctors are working as a team and calling each other, so that they are both on the same page. If they are not, please make sure they are. I'm off to see my cardiologist for an office visit and she will send her notes to all of my doctors as well. Heck, I even have my therapost getting my medical notes! -
kbeee, Call both and see who can get you in the quickest! I don't think your MO will care who you see as long as you get better! I have been having allergies and am worried about infection also. Trying to stay ahead of it with allergy meds, nasal spray. I hope you get better soon! Don't wait too long.
Having hair fall out this morning:(. Just pulling it out in clumps, but can't bring myself to buzz it yet...so, maybe I'll be sick of it soon! Wearing a hair net right now!
I hope you all enjoy your Sunday~
((HUGS))
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KBeee -- I was told at the start of chemo to see my PCP for any illnesses which came up. My MO has. Busy practice, and while they encourage you to call for SEs, they want you to be proactive about getting treatment for any illness. So I agree with SC -- see your family doctor, make sure to fill him in on where you are with chemo, and ask him to send any results/notes to MO so those are in your file by the time you see him on Friday. Meantime, call MO office and tell them that is your plan -- if they have any serious objections, they will say so. Good luck -- hope you feel better quickly!! -
Call both. Today the MO should have a dr or rn on call. -
KBeee--- Call your family doctor tomorrow and get in as soon as you can. You want to get it checked out and headed in the right direction. You probably should just call the MO's office to give them a heads up; I wouldn't think they would get upset. If you can, do what you can until then to try to stay ahead of whatever you have. If you have already started taking Tamoxifen, you will need to take something other than Benedryl or OTC meds that contain the same chemical since Benedryl is a Tamoxifen absorption inhibitor and should not be taken if you are on Tamoxifen. I'm sure you have a routine that you usually follow when you are getting a cold/sinus infection/bronchitis of OTC drugs, warm showers, hot lemonade with honey, humidifer, etc. Rest and hope you feel better soon!!!!!
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