Starting Chemo, November 2013 Group

Good morning everyone!

I'm up, showered, dressed, seen everyone off to work/school, had my regular breakfast...and just finished a bowl of cold mashed potatoes, all before 10 am! I love it when I feel like it's okay to eat anything I want when I want it.

I planned to go out and run some errands today, but I'm waiting until the doctor's office calls back. I've been light-headed to downright dizzy when I get up from lying down, and this is new. I know every single bottle of medication I have in the cupboard says "may cause dizziness," but I haven't had anything since Friday. Not worrying...

I feel like I'm so much farther along than everyone. Anyone else have their 4th chemo next week besides me? I know I squeaked into this group (1st chemo 10/30), and I am doing dose dense.

Lisa, I'm glad your fever went away! I still felt pretty good after my second AC. I had my head shaved that very day. Other than a killer headache day 6, I was pretty much okay. The third AC set me back more, so I'm prepared (ha ha) for even more couch time after next Wednesday's chemo.

Amazon, I'm glad you like your wig! I like mine better than my old hair, and that makes it easier to pass by mirrors.

Lorreymom, yay about the bras and prosthesis! My foobs are like my wig -- better than my old original parts.

Pat, I hope your morning is going well. I TOTALLY agree about the guilt-inducing LONG commercials, especially that one with Alyssa Milano. They seem to be the only thing middle-of-the-night programming shows. My daughter reco'd Dexter too...maybe I'll try that.

The guy just drove up with my Neulasta shot for next week. It certainly didn't need all the ice packs today in Northern CA!

Have a good day, ladies!

Lisa- Yes everything liquid seems to give me hic-ups, the really deep almost painful ones. At least the first couple of drinks.

Bec & Lisa- Try the potatoes on bread with a little butter and pepper. Yum. (Are we strange or what?)

Amazon- so glad you're so much better. Keep it up!!

Yesterday I felt tired to the point of shaky for no reason.. Today I've cleaned the kitchen...,drawers, cabinets, window, curtains, everything. I feel tired, but a good tired. The kind that comes from a good days work, not drugs.

It occurred to me, and made me a little depressed, that all you ladies will be out of the tunnel and in the sunshine while I'm still going. Since I'm doing the chemo first, you gals will be off and going when I still have surgery and radiation to face. Hopefully, some of you will stick around. Oh, certainly not that I hope any of you will still need any treatments or anything, but being little selfish here, I just hope that some of you stick around for me to whine to.

On a better note, I tried coffee again this morning and it was GOOD. So my plan is tea on days 1-10, coffee on 11-21. I love good plans.

And Lisa, for me it's the ones who keep telling me I have to eat because I lost 7lbs in a week. #1, I'm not a small person so 7lbs isn't that much, and #2, do they really think that I have that much control over it? GO AWAY. Don't tell me things like that unless you KNOW how to fix it.

Okay so I'm not all alone with the hiccups. Good to know!

Putting the potatoes on bread with the butter and pepper sounds downright *sinful.* I will do it! Oh yes I will!

wally, don't be depressed: I think we're forming a nice little group of friends here, and we can keep this thread going *forever* if we want to. Look at it this way: at least some of us have already done surgery so we can help YOU and hold your virtual hand while you're dealing with that (it's really not THAT bad, btw,) and I know that I at least DO still have the radiation adventure to embark on when I'm done with chemo.....and then YEARS of whatever the onc decides to put me on next, so.... I think most of us will stick around right here in this thread. We've gotten so comfy together, after all.

Coffee tasted good to me this morning too! (And was probably the reason why I Pooped the Mighty Poop. Bless coffee.)

SpecialK -- lol I know, I know, my phone even *announces* who the caller is so I don't even have to bother to get up if I don't want to. But every time I ignore her calls, or even consider ignoring her calls, I hear my mom's voice in my head saying '"awwww, but you've been friends such a long time, and she thinks you're SO great...." Gah! So I grimace, and cuss and answer the damn phone. Every time. My own good manners will be the death of me, I swear. :P

I think the best one I get All the time is, "Well, if you have to have cancer at least it is just Breast Cancer". Really, just Breast Cancer, well thanks for letting me know, I feel so much better now. Like I won't have to worry the rest of my life concerning when and where this will return to fight me again. Like going through surgery,chemo and radiation is a walk in the park. Loosing my hair and spending more time at the clinic instead of with my family, missing our grandkids Christmas programs and other annual holiday events. Going into work sick as a dog yet have no choice if I want to have insurance coverage next week. Emptying my husbands and Mine saving account to pay deductibles and copayments, prescriptions for meds that I could feed my family for a week with instead. Having my dogs look at my like why are we not going for our daily run because when I get home from work all I am good for is sleeping on the couch. I cry when I drive,past our barn with our horses as I haven't been able to ride or even clean barn for over two weeks. I get to see my Children worry and my husband be so concerned that he isn't functioning right. He is working twelve hours shifts six nights a week to help cover expenses and still insists on coming to every doc apt and chemo session I have. He is so tired he will fall asleep as someone talks to him and I worry constantly that he will fall asleep at work or driving home early one morning. I get to watch my elderly mother fret over her sick daughter. Breaks my heart to see my loved ones hurting so much due to me. Hmm, please don't ever say I just have Breast Cancer. I know I am luckier than many and I thank my lord for that but I wouldn't wish "just" Breast Cancer on anyone.

Sorry about the rant, but it felt good to let it out just once. I can now resume my regular programming,lol

On a good note, round two of A/C under my belt. Had less of a headache and thick tounge sensation this time, I think in part due to slowing down the C drip. Took 15minutes longer and well worth the extra time.

You ladies are great! I wish I could write as well as you all, but I have two things against me, I get nauseated watching the letters hit the screen (seriously), and probably more to the point, I am an engineer and just don't no now use that side of my brain.

I'm in day 6 first Chemo, FEC-D, still nauseated, but not vomiting (there is a God, and he/she answers calls from the big white porcelin phone...)

Wallymama/lisa - I too have had a mashed potato thing. Sadly I couldn't stomach the smell of making them so opted to finding some in the grocery store - with NO LUCK - where do they keep the real ones, not the dehydrated ones?? I walked down the frozen food isle 5 times, and gave up. Had to do with the toast without the mashed.

Lisa - Hickups - Yup, got em. They come and go, usually related to nausea, but then again everthing is my world is related to nausea. Does anyone else sneeze before puking?

Ellen - I wonder why people always feel like they have to give advise? Can they really understand what your going through? I too have the pity friend who calls ever week to tell me how bad I have it - Even at my worst, I KNOW I'll be OK but I can't tell her that!

TV shows - My husband and I watched Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy last night for the first time, well, ever. It felt very retro. Pat and Vanna have not changed in 30 years - How is that possible? Alex, on the other hand is getting sexing in his old age.

Good Luck with your next Chemo ladies. My very best to you all

Catching up on everyone's posts since I was last out here.  It is wonderful that so many of us are making it through our first, second, third chemo rounds.  So happy that Amazon Warrior is finally out of the hospital...yeah!!!!

I cannot remember when I posted last but I can say that yesterday and today were the first days I recall feeling even slightly human since my first T&C round last Tuesday, the 26th.  Felt alright for the first 48 hours or so...even after the Neulasta injection.  But by Thursday-Friday-Saturday, I felt like I'd been hit by a truck.  The only things that seemed to matter were taking as many prescribed meds as I could manage, downing fluids as best as possible and SLEEPING.  I could barely manage to keep myself upright for more than 10-15 minutes at a time.  The weakness, tiredness, lethargy, pain & fatigue were awful.  Pain was managed with Vicodin, etc. Nausea wasn't too bad and manageable with either Compazine or Ativan.  Uggggggghh...list goes on and on.

I find the people and the updates on this website so comforting, I really do.  I've told my husband that "the only places I feel understood are when I am at my Cancer Center and here on BCO."  I've been astonished at how clueless so many people are and how downright ANGRY some folks become when I don't show immediate and un-limited gratitude for whatever utterances manage to roll from the tips of their tongues.  It's beyond anything I could have imagined.  Getting to the point where I don't even want to discuss my breast cancer with anyone other than the folks at the Cancer Center and the wonderful people out here.

I am reading and holding onto every word, even if I've not got much to say.  You all are in my thoughts and prayers every day.  I'm still a bit under the weather but I have one round of chemo behind me!

We will all get there, ladies!!!!

hello all,

supposed to have chemo on Friday (2nd TC) but my liver enzymes are up. mO said they were elevated last week and higher this week so wants to hold off. A lady from the office called to tell me and when I started asking questions she said a nurse would have to call me back. Is this normal for them to be elevated, does it effect me that the chemo is being pushed back, is my liver damaged. I was also in levaquin last week for a uti but he did not seem like that was it. I'm freaking out! I feel fine and just want to get this all behind me and get on with my life. I miss my old life!

tonight is a big night for me! First time sleeping in a bed in 108 days since my surgery. Hope my mostly recovered wound does well so I can resume normal sleeping habits! Oh big comfy bed, how I've missed you...

veronica - I am wondering if whatever you were taking the Levaquin for skewed your ALT - or the Levaquin itself - it has increased hepatic (liver) enzymes right on the list of potential side effects.

veronica - ask for a repeat of the CMP to check the values again - a few days may make a real difference if you have been off the Levaquin.

Oh y'all are so great...

First, about that friend of mine. She's not that bad, really...most of the time lol...she's just kind of an airhead, so my attitude towards her is almost exactly the same as my attitude towards a particularly dumb but particularly cute puppy. I'm actually VERY good at cutting people loose when they really are energy drains, believe me. Just ask my first husband or any of my ex-boyfriends, bahahaha! My friend--- her name is Anne--- just genuinely doesn't know what to say to me sometimes, but she's determined to stick by me and say SOMETHING because her sister was very sick a few years ago--not with cancer---and a lot of HER friends just sort of fell away and stopped calling. Anne has always been very adept at sticking her foot in her mouth. I don't expect that to ever change. I don't dislike her--she's not someone I would seek out as a friend on my own, but I appreciate the fact that she does actually care about me even if she is sort of a klutz about it.

As for me, I'm just riding the mood swing today, and just happened to be at the "easily irritated" point when Anne called me up. Not really a big thing.

Not sure why I'm on the mood swing, but I suspect it's because *physically* I felt pretty darned good all day, except that I got tired early (of course.) So with no queasiness or aches or pains or constipation or heartburn or.... anything much....to moan and groan about, I decided to just be emotional instead. I'm vaguely hopeful that this means chemo really WILL kick me right into menopause and I'll never have another period, but pessimistically (omg did i spell that right?) sure that what the moodiness really means is PMS and I'll get my period right around chemo day. Bleh.

But yeah, physically today I was pretty awesome---even right now, I'm typing at my old normal rate and not having to backspace constantly, so even the brain fog has lifted a little bit. I SHOULD be enjoying this, instead of bitching, shouldn't I? So contrary.

Ellen, if people started coming around telling about "signs" of my husband dying, I'd most likely suggest they worry more about signs of their own imminent deaths...right before chasing them out of my house with a butcher knife! The *nerve* of some people!

Northwinds: I wish I could give you a big hug. I think you need lots of big hugs.

SpecialK -- I think I'm pretty much in the "living on the edge" category too, unless and until there's a reason why I shouldn't. There doesn't seem to be any point in trying too hard to "sterilize" my life. Even though everyone I saw over the holiday weekend APPEARED healthy, three different people were sick enough by Monday to go to the doctor: One with an upper respiratory infection, one with a sinus infection, and one (a little kid) with strep throat. Me? I ran a tiny little temperature yesterday and it was gone today. I realized when I heard that the one kid has strep that I just can't live in a *bubble* for the next few months; I'll just have to use common sense when I can and take my chances. If the doc says I'm in a danger zone, THEN I'll climb into the bubble. Til then....lots of hand washing and a limit on casual hugging will have to suffice. Fact is, it's going to be my *teeth* that give me problems anyway, and I can't isolate myself against THEM..... so... :::shrug:::

Jab: You write just fine. If something doesn't make sense we will say "huh?" and get you to clarify. Otherwise, type away and don't worry about it. You're making perfect sense to me. In fact, I hope you can calm the nausea and POST MORE because every time I see your avatar I am instantly cheered up. Honest! Re: Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune: Those two shows are like an in-joke in my in-law-family. My father in law watches both shows *religiously*, and I've started watching them lately, prompting my husband to finally declare me a REAL MEMBER OF THE FAMILY. Everyone overlooks the fact that while I enjoy Jeopardy, I bitch (and enjoy it) through the entirety of Wheel of Fortune because I find it to be a stupid show in a hilariously annoying way. Seriously...watch it again WHILE complaining about how stupid it is the entire time. Be sure and talk smack to the contestants, as well. It will be the most fun you've had watching TV in forever. No kidding!

@wally -- you know, in general, I don't like talking on the phone either; probably because I was *paid* to talk on the phone (customer service rep) for years. Now I really only *enjoy* talking to my husband, my brother, and my mom, and that's pretty much it. Everyone else I pretty much give 'em 15 minutes and then find an excuse to get off the phone. And I don't even HAVE a cellphone, and if I did, the only people who would have my number would be ....my husband, my brother, and my mom. lol. I can talk to any one of THOSE three on the phone for HOURS though---and frequently do. I guess maybe I'm just antisocial?

Tonilee-- I am so sorry you are having such a rough time right now. Just picture and imagine all of us who are more or less okay at the moment standing guard over you (and others) who are having a tough go, and later on when YOU are feeling better and WE (or others) are miserable, you can stand guard over us and do lots of posting for us to read and be the "keepers of the flame" so to speak. It will all work out. Hugs to you.... feel better! Yes, we will all get there! Some of us may have to be carried over the finish line, and a few of us may have to be dragged to it kicking and screaming, lol, but we WILL get there.

Audra: Sounds to me like you're using the Ativan "as directed," which is perfectly fine. I know what you mean though; Like I said, today I was just moody as hell, and my small dose of klonipin didn't change that, and I didn't take more of it to try and combat moodiness because....well, sometimes I'm moody and I always have been, so there's no good reason to medicate that. I keep reading where so many have had that "period from hell" after starting chemo that I'm kind of expecting that now....and my periods were always "from hell" to begin with so if I do get mine, it will most likely be a real doozey. I haven't been able to use tampons for years anyway though--I'd have been changing them every 30 minutes plus they caused my menstrual cramps to REALLY intensify--so at least the using a pad instead part won't be anything new or upsetting for me. I'm still hoping for instant chemopause though. I really am.

Quirkygirl: Congratulations on getting into bed! (LOL) My greatest accomplishment and pride is that I can now sleep on my back, my left side, OR my right side, and can turn from one to the other without having to get completely out of bed and lie back down in the new position. I'm glad you made me remember this, and how it's something to be truly grateful for, because the weeks I could only sleep flat on my back after my BMX, I *swore* that if I could ever just roll over I'd never be whiny or miserable again. How soon we forget. :P

Veronica: Don't freak out until you know for sure that there is a good reason to freak out; it's most likely just a bump in the road, at most, and something your onc can give you something to correct, and then get you back on track again. These chemo drugs do a lot of crazy things to our bodies, so of course the doctors have a ton of other drugs for dealing with those crazy things. Keep calm and see what the nurse tells you--and then tell them in no uncertain terms NOT to call you again and tell you something that's going to scare you UNLESS they can give you more complete information at the time.

Good grief I've written a novel!

ah.. Back in the recliner. I made it a whole 90 minutes and even fell asleep long enough to dream I was telling my boss just how uncomfortable it was to sleep in a bed and how my scars were not up to it. LOL. Looks like I'll have to ease back in to a bed one little daytime nap at a time. This experiment ended up as one big ouch!