Stupid things people say

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  • nessie
    nessie Member Posts: 3
    edited November 2013


    Hello Ariom - thank you for your reply. We are going down the path of Brca gene testing ... our family qualifies and we are on the list. hopefully it will be sooner rather than later.


    Reading the posts about DCIS generally on the forum has been great for me - I have had such mixed emotions about all of this. I am so grateful that it was diagnosed early, and even though bilateral mastectomy is radical, and major surgery, it still feels very surreal. Not having any follow up treatment is also a blessing, but again, it makes me feel as though isn't such a big deal and I just need to get on with things. It has been very hard trying to stay positive without minimising the experience - but also not trying to wallow in self pity when I know how very lucky I am.


    The whole reconstruction journey feels very long, and unpredictable. It is hard not knowing when it will end and how it will all turn out. And it just feels very self indulgent to worry about these things ...


    I am from Western Australia. The other side of the Nullabor to you!


    Nessie xx

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  • Ariom
    Ariom Member Posts: 6,197
    edited November 2013


    Hi nessie, I have a girlfriend in Fremantle!


    I know what you are saying about the impact of this huge surgery for a stage 0 DCIS, but until they find another method of treating this, we are stuck with limited treatment options, I don't really think about it that way. I am just forever grateful that it was found so early.


    I had a strange twist to my Dx. I had just moved to the country when I was called for my routine Mammogram. The facility I went to for the imaging had recently installed a brand new digital machine. When I was called back to the clinic for more imaging and possible biopsy they had my previous pictures from the Analogue machine at my previous Breast Screen center, but said, although the micro calcifications could have been there, they just couldn't see them. I have no idea if the previous place that I had my last Mammogram had upgraded to the new machine, so had I not been tested here in the country, it may have been missed for another 2 years. If that had been the case, I have no idea what I may have been facing.


    I can reconcile my feelings with total relief!


    Take care of you...come here often, it is a great place for support!

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  • jmb5
    jmb5 Member Posts: 532
    edited November 2013


    Nessie, I am having a mastectomy sometime in January probably. I meet the PS on Dec. 12th and have an appt. with my BS on the 18th. I think the mastectomy will be scheduled at one of those appointments. I have no idea what type of reconstruction I'll have yet, but am leaning toward the bilateral. Pretty terrifying, but I know it will all be okay.


    Ariom, I might watch one of those videos too... AFTER my surgery. Lol. Don't want to freak out before.

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  • Ariom
    Ariom Member Posts: 6,197
    edited November 2013


    Nooooooooo jmb! Don't do it before


    I had actually asked my surgeon if I could have some kind of block and stay awake for my Mx, I had stayed awake for several hand surgeries because I hate how anesthesia makes me feel. Now I know why he was so adamant that it wasn't possible!!!!!

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  • ballet12
    ballet12 Member Posts: 981
    edited November 2013


    Good luck, jmb. We'll be thinking of you. Yeh, I get that terrified thing. I'd be there 100 percent.

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  • deliasrdz1
    deliasrdz1 Member Posts: 2
    edited December 2013

    I sometimes run into someone I know and share the news of my current battle with bc and chemo etc. You'd be amazed at how many insensitive people are to mention that they had a relative/friend who passed away from bc.  LIKE REALLY???? why do people actually think a current cancer patient wants to hear that???? GEEZ....I've learned that sometimes not saying anything is a whole lot better than putting up with dumb ass people!!!! Excuse my anger but it's already hard to accept it, let alone live your life as normal as possible and sometimes people say the stupiest things.  PEOPLE CANCER PATIENTS JUST WANT TO BE HEARD SOMETIMES!!!!!

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  • ballet12
    ballet12 Member Posts: 981
    edited December 2013


    Hi Delia,


    I hear ya.


    I am reading a book called "How to be a Friend to a Friend Who's Sick", by Letty Cottin Pogrebin, which addresses all the inappropriate things people say and offer to do, as well as your point that cancer patients just want to be heard--sometimes. The book is all about being aware of the needs of the patient, grieving family member (in the case of death), person who is dying, etc.


    The author is actually a well-known writer who happened to get bc and she interviewed a lot of patients in the radiation area, while she was getting treatment, as well as others outside.


    All the best.

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