Fall 2013 Rads

I haven't had treatment since last Tuesday. Despite having five days off, skin is still bad and pain is no better. (Taking pain meds around the clock) Moist desquamation in a 3" band along incision line and no skin left on a 4" area. I was supposed to have boost again today but told them I wasn't coming in. They want me to try for tomorrow. I just can't see the benefit to having three more boosts when my skin is this bad. 

Didn't want to be such a downer, it's just hard this week because I was supposed to be done last week and in addition,  I cancelled thanksgiving plans.  The kids are upset since we rarely see family and that makes me feel worse. 

Bounce, you do realize that you are not having a boring treatment cycle! I can't imagine the conflicting emotions of having a distressed, crying technician meting out my radiation dose. I guess that's where the stern lady comes in.....some people call her the head beyotch in charge.

Love your mother's saying. My grandmother used to say...." If you're bored, you must be boring". I successfully used that on my children many times.

Ladies, when you get zapped today, thank the stern lady!!!

Love, MsP

Bounce,

Sorry that you had difficulty with your rads this morning. I have to agree with your mother about boring being a good thing. Here's hoping that all of us have boring lives for the next few months.

Bluebird,

I hope that you are feeling much better soon. I am sorry that you are not feeling up to being around your family for Thanksgiving. Maybe you could have a postponement of Thanksgiving until you are feeling much better. This year, I told my family (husband and son) that we are going to church that morning to give thanks for all the blessings that we have and then going to eat lunch at a restaurant. I found a restaurant close to home that had reservations available. That way, none of us have to worry about cooking/cleaning. I just feel tired all the time.

I have a general question for all of you. Today was my 5th treatment of 30. Since the simulation day, last Tuesday, my skin feels hot or warm on that side all the time. Being treated by my machine feels like being put into a warm oven. Once I am on the table (my position is on my stomach), I feel a sensation that reminds me of when you put your tongue on a battery, like people used to dare us to do as kids. I am also having lots of pain from inside out. I figured all of this must be normal, but I wanted to ask your opinion. Hoping to see the doctor sometime this week. My radiation center was open yesterday because of Thanksgiving and will be closed from Wednesday afternoon until Monday morning for the holiday.

Wishing all of you a wonderful week and a Happy Thanksgiving. I am thankful for having this message board and all of your support.

Hobbe....I did my radiation prone and after only a few treatments, my skin felt tingly, burning, but not the skin on my breasts, instead the skin on the cancer side closer to my waist....it was weird. It was definitely superficial but scared the crap out of me because I have right sided cancer and that's where your liver is. Blech! As it turned out, it was an irritation from the radiation table that they didn't pad properly so when I would lay prone, the table ledge was pressing on that portion of my torso and irritating it. Not sure if that is what you are experiencing but have them pad the table more and see if that helps.

Love, MsP

hobbesla4 - the first 2 weeks I had lots of heat in my boob - now I am in my third week and I have not noticed that too hot feeling lately. Maybe I just got used to it. I don't think so though. I think it stopped happening.

I also had pain from the inside out from early on but thankfully it has never gotten significantly worse than it was at the beginning.

Oddly enough the worst time of day pain wise is when I wake up in the morning. For about an hour I feel really sore - then it eases up.

Bluebird - don't feel bad for your kids - its perfectly fine for them to be a bit disappointed - they will get over it and appreciate you all the more. Its hard when we can't be the parent we want to be - but you know our kids are wonderful and rise to the occasion.

My daughter came home especially today to help me - and she said - OK - if I am here then I better actually do some helping and not just bring my washing for you to do. Big smiles all round and she actually helped with kitchen chores. I decided not to feel bad/guilty. Its good practice for her for being an adult and behaving well in general.

Healing thoughts to all.

Hi everyone. Well, I cancelled my simulation today. I am at a crossroads and I can't seem to get to the other side. My breast navigator called once she found out I cancelled. For some reason, her concern for me had more of an impact than any of my friends or family have had. I cried as I drove to pick up my daughter from school. How can I not do this for her? What the F*** is wrong with me? How can it be that death seems easier than facing possible side-effects from radiation? I'm normally a fairly logical person, but I can't wrap my head around any of this anymore.

I salute all you brave women who forge forward in this battle. I so wish I could be like you.

Hobbes. I am day 5 too! My breast feels a little warm too and zaps of mild pain...no redness

wow busy day today radiant ladies!! I went to something called yoga nidra at our cancer support community so am getting to my computer late

First- Bounce you ROCK!! I have been in healthcare for 30 years and yes people have a bad day but guess what- her worst day is nowhere near as bad as your best day right now- and you are the patient. are you kidding me!!!!! I would write this up and submit it to the administration where you are going. Not for the meltdown tech but for the eye-rolling one, too bored to be bothered tech making excuses. I think if you have this kind of attitude working in a cancer center you should have it documented-her bosses may be begging for reports of her horrible behavior. I know those techs are in short supply but go bag groceries and have all the bad days you want. Refusing to have her was 100% appropriate its a safety thing- her situational awareness and attention were not at work.

Bluebird- can I just say SH$% on this forum- you are having a really tough time. I know the mom in us wants to act all blase and worry about everyone else- its the caregiver in you but honestly you are working on your cure and its taking every bit of what you have and then some. I know its easy to say but- forgive yourself for not being able to "be there" for them and to have to smile and fake it.

Team bluebird needs to rally for you- its scary for your kids to see you vulnerable- but they need to understand 100% focus on you and your cancer treatment- Tip of the Spear and you just don't have much left for anything else which I hope you can believe is not just ok but right.

PRB- I have an idea- try it on and see what you think. You don't really know how the rads is going to affect you til you do it right? Sometimes what you think might happen is worse than what does happen but sometimes your fears do happen- our radiant bluebird is an example of grit and determination in the face of a very severe reaction.

No decision is ever made in stone so if you try it and its just not working for you- just stop.

Simple as that- any radiation therapy you have will give you "points" for preventing recurrence and if it works out you can manage it then keep going!!. Sometimes we feel we are locked in to our 33 and X boosts and all that- Maybe if you approach it like turnip- it smells bad and looks gross but I will try it and with a little butter its not so bad- think I will keep going.

Whatever decision you make we will support you. (btw I absolutely despise turnip )

PRB 1956

I thought I would let you know that when I heard I had cancer and would have to do radiation - my biggest fear was of the radiation.

It seemed against logic that something that can cause cancer could be used to cure cancer.  That was my big hurdle.

I wasn't scared of lying in the machine, or of the pain etc.  It was the logic that was a problem for me.

However, I tried to read about some big studies done with radiation (thousands of women over 10 years) and that calmed me down.

Also - MsPharoah's view of radiation as healing light - not as killer death rays - helped ease my mind.

Its important to know exactley what you are scared of in the radiation treatment to be able to figure out if this is something you can do and be alright with or not.

It will seem obvious to you what there is to fear - but believe me people are so different and see things from very different perspectives sometimes.

Try to write down what your actual fears are and then you will be able to check if they are reality based or faulty thinking or phobias etc. and you will be able to deal with them.

Also evaluate your cancer center.  Are they a small rural facility with little experience?  Are they a modern facility with up-to-date techniques (gaited breathing etc. - Will you be having radiation to your left or your right side?)

Once you know what you are scared of and how much you trust the radiation treatment professionals you will be able to make a decision.

We are all here for you.

By the way guys - I wasn't at all cross that my techie was having a meltdown - I really felt sorry for her and wanted to comfort her - I really believe she was having a much worse day than me.  I am just glad that I was strong enough to ask that she not treat me while in that state. A short while ago I would have been too shy to say anything.

I don't feel the need to complain about her at all.  Cancer isn't always the worst thing people have to deal with.

I discovered that the chocolates and biscuits (cookies) that are sometimes in the coffee corner of the waiting room are provided by patients - not the hospital.  So this week I am taking in a packet of biscuits each morning and putting it out.  I can't tell you how much fun it is to know that the next person who comes along for a cuppa will have a happy biscuit too.  Its such a tiny thing to do but its making me really happy.

Indeed MsP -Sometimes I just put my finger on the first scanner as I arrive and the techies call me but I am wily! I sit in the waiting room for about 15 minutes after my treatment is done and just breathe and relax and think positive thoughts.

I am crazy too - there is a lovely pot plant which I try to sit next to and touch after treatment. It makes me feel rebalanced and healthy!

Then after my relax time I go off to work and face the real world for the rest of the day.

I never tie the strings on the gown just hold it closed because the changing cubicle is away from the waiting room down some stairs, next to the treatment room.

One day I am going to forget to hold it and embarrass myself. Honestly - by now I feel free to show my boob to anyone who is interested!

Does anyone have any comments on stretch marks and rads? Mine seem a lot more noticeable now (done 17 of 25) that my boob is pink.

wyo, cracking up over the turnip analogy! Good advice. Just begin treatment and let the rest fall into place. All you have to do is show up.

Bounce, I'd be taking that pot plant. Touching it won't help. Smoking it might! (just kidding!) I love plants and fishtanks in medical places. My rad oncology office has an empty fish tank. It's depressing!

PRB1956-hi, glad you came to this forum. I am down to my last 10 of 33 treatments. I have to travel an hour to Alma everyday then 15 minutes total getting dressed, treated and dressed again. It has not been bad at all. A light sunburn and a few zapping pains that happen throughout the day. More like nerves healing just like after the lumpectomy. They only last a few seconds. I did have a sore nipple but put hydrocortisone on it and feeling much relief.

I grew up in Lansing and know The Breslin Cancer Center at Ingham Medical (new name I Can't remember) well as my son was treated there and we could not have been happier with his chemo and radiation there. He is an eleven year survivor. Have you toured this facility? His MO retired so I don't know current staff. My SIL was treated at Sparrow for her breast cancer and she is a ten year survivor and she wanted me to come there because she was so happy with her team there. She still belongs to a support group there.

20 years ago I had a bad experience with the top breast surgeon in Lansing and got a note handed to me by his nurse on the quiet to try the breast center at MSU Clinical Center. They were wonderful ! I would go there in a second if it wasn't a two hour drive in the winter. If you need a second opinion, Lansing area has several options. Don't feel obligated to stick with a team unless you are very comfortable with them.

I switched from Clare to Alma and am so much happier with my team and the facility. In Clare the MO is in a basement with no windows and no less than a two hour wait. Chemo patients are put in a room all alone. In Alma a new facility with coffee, books, puzzles plus a local church has a large basket with knitted hats and scarfs for chemo and radiant patients and treats around the holidays. Such uplifting surroundings and kind staff.

Please don't be afraid of radiation. These people really do want to give you a long life. The time is flying by for me. Take care and if I can answer anything for you, please let me know.

I an sorry to see you in such pain Bluebird. I did 6/28 today. Feel a little burning but no redness. I am very fair so fingers crossed on how my skin does.

Delirium Pie....you made it shining star. You have your diploma and you are now free to exude love, joy and good health. Have a wonderful holiday and make sure to hug your loved ones.

Shine on, MsP

Hi all- Last treatment tomorrow I am really Thankful for this gift of being done. I also think its just in time because the itching and teeny tiny blisters showed up last night all over my chest wall and top of breast.

I actually sang to the car radio today so I think maybe there is some light at the end of this tunnel and my spirits are lifting.

Bounce- I was not mad at the one having a meltdown either- I was mad at the one thinking you should overlook it.

Laughed hard about tying the gown- I stopped going it week one it took longer to tie and untie than it was worth. I did tie when walking over to see the RO each week because the "guys" in the other waiting room need to stay calm LOL

I am bringing my team a care basket as they are working extra hard with their machine across town being replaced all patients are going to their center so extended hours the works. I went on a Trader Joe's spree- christmas coffee, peppermint hot chocolate, dark chocolate covered marshmallows, chocolate cheddar cheese- even a bottle of sparkling cranberry drink and a cute bag to bring it to them. I liked my team a lot and I know its hard for them to get close to people with the push for efficiency. I hope they have a food fest on friday.