30th birthday next week. Recovering from mastectomy & angry

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YoungInCancerLand
YoungInCancerLand Member Posts: 23
edited October 2014 in Young With Breast Cancer


Hi Everyone,


I wanted to write about my experience and maybe even vent a little bit. The first thing I want to say is I'm extremely grateful for this forum. So many threads have helped me from time of biopsy through DX and surgery to now.






I am 29 years old and my 30th birthday is next week. I'm angry.






Here's the history leading up to today:


10/25/13


Get ultrasound and mammogram done on left breast due to suspicious lump that I thought was cyst. They don't give me any information and say they want to do a biopsy.


10/28/13


Stereotactic biopsy performed (AKA Needle Stabber Torture Device)


10/30/13


Get the phone call that it is cancerous


10/31/13


Meeting with breast surgeon. She said the pathology reports show DCIS but she thinks it is probably invasive too because of the size of the tumor (9x7 cm). Mutually decide on a mastectomy and schedule it for 11/8/13 so I could be healed enough to make my pre-planned 30th birthday trip. Begin planning for the mastectomy - most pamphlets start out with "planning a month before surgery." I had a week.


11/8/13


Surgery


11/16/13


Doctor called with pathology report. We did the right surgery. The tumor was 9x6.5x4. It was extensive DCIS and 1 CM was IDC. She had clear margins. 8 lymph nodes removed - all benign. No chemo or radiation required, but possibly tamoxifen. Update 12/10/13: Just had my first visit with the oncologist. We will do the Oncotype DX test, and then determine if I need chemo or not.


3 weeks - wham, bam, thank you ma'am.


I'm going through genetic testing and meeting with people to see if I need to do a preventative for the right side. The doctor did not want to do a bilateral in case I needed to heal for chemo/radiation.


I'm sitting here 3 weeks later after DX thinking "uh,what just happened?" My dress I picked out for my bday is useless now. The "puffy" prosthetic makes me sore and irritated. Not to mention the bloating. I'm about to go shopping to find a somewhat decent shirt that makes me feel pretty for my birthday, but am afraid I'll turn into a crazy lady having a meltdown in the middle of the store. OH, AND my boyfriend and I had already started talking about marriage pre-DX, and I'm pretty sure he bought the ring and plans to propose. This upsets me because I keep thinking about the pictures. I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around everything that happened, and wrapping my mind around moving forward in a new body.


Then the guilt sets in. I feel guilty about being superficial. I feel guilty about being selfish and thinking of myself when others have had to go through so much more. *sigh*


Thanks for letting me vent. I am seeing a therapist which is helpful. I just wanted to reach out to those who understand. :) I appreciate this forum!





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  • wrenn
    wrenn Member Posts: 2,707
    edited November 2013


    vent away. I don't blame you. It is a terrible thing to happen to someone so young. :(

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  • kcat2013
    kcat2013 Member Posts: 391
    edited November 2013


    Wam bam, is exactly how I felt too and I had about 3 weeks between diagnosis and surgery, so a bit longer than you. I'm 34 years old and it's crazy to be breast-less--well I do have tissue expanders at this point but I don't think they count. Vent away!

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  • YoungInCancerLand
    YoungInCancerLand Member Posts: 23
    edited December 2015


    Thank you for the support. It felt good to get it out. I've been trying to get back into the routine of things, but I'm just not the same anymore. I'm trying to find my "new normal."

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited November 2013


    So sorry to hear your experience, and hoping you might also find support too from women at Young Survival Coalition.


    http://www.youngsurvival.org/


    You will find good information, and possibly women in your area.


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  • YoungInCancerLand
    YoungInCancerLand Member Posts: 23
    edited December 2015


    I'll check it out. Thank you :)

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited November 2013


    this is THE BEST place to come to vent, cry, whine, yell, freak out....and even rejoice over all kinds of bizarre things!! Cuz we've already all done all of that!! Lol.


    I am so sorry that you've had to go through all of this....but it WILL get better. And depending on your dress, with the right help I bet you could still make it work! How much time before your birthday?


    The first time I went clothes shopping, yep. Dressing room meltdown.BUT then I started finding stuff that worked. And I started focusing on other parts. The bloating should go down soon...provided you've managed to get past the horrid constipation.


    I missed whether you've started reconstruction. If not, could you get fitted for a prosthetic before your big trip? My mom wore one for 20 years and nobody could tell.


    I'm just babbling, but sure wish a bunch of us could take you dress shopping!!!!!


    It WILL get better. It really will. And have a happy, happy no-more-cancer birthday!

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  • ziggypop
    ziggypop Member Posts: 1,071
    edited November 2013


    Hi HarmonyIzMine - I'm 52 so maybe I shouldn't be posting here, but I just wanted to say that you don't sound the least little bit superficial and you have every right to vent and vent as often as you need to. I called my MRI guided biopsy the 'dystopian amusement park ride' - but I think I like the Needle Stabber Torture Device better. Maybe this sounds weird - but I'm thinking that that boyfriend of yours thinks that you're even more beautiful than he thought before. I hope you find the perfect pretty shirt and have a wonderful birthday.

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  • hbcheryl
    hbcheryl Member Posts: 5,113
    edited November 2013


    This is the best place to vent because we understand. I am not a young woman but I did have a single mastectomy and my meltdown was when my friends wanted to buy me a prosthesis for my birthday.... My feelings were so hurt, like I wasn't good enough but I came to realize they thought I couldn't afford one, that being said 5 years later I still don't own one but I have learned to dress differently, look for tops that are scoop necked but gathered the gathering is flattering or find something black and you can dress it up with pretty scarves or long drop jewelry, I found that Dress Barn became my 'go to' store and their styles are from young to old. I promise you things will get better, it's so hard navigating this new road but there are a lot of us here if you need help.

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  • YoungInCancerLand
    YoungInCancerLand Member Posts: 23
    edited December 2015


    Thank you for all your kinds words and comments. :)<3<3<3 I'm having a hard time with friends because they simple don't understand. I'm also tired of them comparing themselves and their scars from their surgeries. I want to yell at them BUT DID YOU LOSE A BODY PART?!


    Dulcigirl, I leave on Thanksgiving day. My birthday is the day after. I'm not healed enough for a regular prostheses and was given a "puffy." I think it's a size too small. I fought it all morning. Stuffed cotton in it. Can't get it to look right because I'm still in a soft bra...the right one really doesn't have a great shape to it because of limited support & the fake left looks small and perky. I'm not doing reconstruction and will probably get a preventative Mx on the right (waiting on genetic results). I'm past the horrid constipation and still in the bloating phase. Maybe a dress could work still.


    Ziggpop, my boyfriend is extremely supportive. Thanks for your kind words. "Dystopian Amusement Park Rid" made me smile :)


    Hbcheryl, thank you for your supportive words and advice. :)

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited November 2013


    I don't know if it would help at all in the meantime, but JoAnn Fabrics has padded things to put in bras,. They actually have a variety of things there. One of my bc buddies got something there to help her balance things a bit for her son's wedding. It worked really well. She looked amazing and NOBODY would ever have known all that she had gone through/was going through.


    YAY for being past the constipation!!


    It's hard on friends. They WANT to relate, but there is no way that they can. That's the awesome thing about being here.


    Onward and upward!

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  • kdoole01
    kdoole01 Member Posts: 27
    edited November 2013


    I just read your story...plain and simple it sucks!


    But your time till your wonderful trip is short w/Thanksgiving in between, so the experienced gals here need to get you sorted out so that you can get it together enough that you will enjoy your wonderful trip!


    I have enclosed the following link below. I have found these to be quite good when you are in the troublesome in between stage. The A/B cup is actually a pretty good size if you are a B, go bigger if you are a C, or order all three sizes since time is tight and you can always mail them back. They have a great silicone side that sticks wonderfully to your clothes/bra, etc, w/no residue and they do not move (I promise!). You can even place them inside a shirt/dress and they will stay put, but I would suggest a bra for safety. It will fill it out nicely, won't move, and you will look like your old self in clothes at least.


    http://www.jcpenney.com/modern-bride/lingerie/bra-accessories/fashion-forms%25c2%25a0stick-on-pushup-cups-adhesive-bra/prod.jump?ppId=1b2a9ad&


    Next, get yourself a Spanx if you are worried that anything will move. My favorite go to under all my dresses is below. The Assets line is a less expensive version sold by Spanx and it is every bit as good. They have great camis, and tons of other shapers and believe me when you wear one not only will you look good but whatever way you are filling in your top at whatever stage you will be over the next few months this will help keep it all together. I had a terrible time with a wound for 6 months this year (freak thing...not going to happen to you) and this baby kept me together from head to toe, lol!



    http://www.spanx.com/shop/spanx/shapewear/style/slips/sleek-slimmers-tank-slip-zid38-MS1649/cat-38-catid-fncat_spx_sw_styl_slp?CategoryDomainName=SPXNA-38&vva_ColorCode=BLACK&_t=pfm%3Dcategory


    Cut yourself some slack as you have be hit by a Mack truck. You had clean nodes and that is the best news of all. If you do go shopping, unless you have a rock of a friend within that group (usually too young an age when you are only 29), go by yourself if you can manage. The energy you will waste as you end up nearly consoling your assistant would be better spent having one big meltdown on your own (that's why there are doors on dressing rooms). People mean well, but if I hear one more story about Angelina Jolie I think I am going to puke! She didn't even have cancer for goodness sake!


    Good luck and happy birthday...may there be 100 more!

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  • YoungInCancerLand
    YoungInCancerLand Member Posts: 23
    edited December 2015


    I will definitely check out Joann's. Thank you!


    kdoole, thank you for all this information. It is so helpful. We have a JCPenney's here so I will check them out. I didn't think about Spanx on top, but it makes sense. AND I'm so glad I'm not the only one that feels that way about Angelina Jolie!






    You guys are the best! <3

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  • wyo
    wyo Member Posts: 541
    edited November 2013


    Angelina Jolie- she was really weird before she had surgery


    Harmony- you are a warrior! I know there are days you feel like the armor is way too heavy to drag around and you have been run over by your mighty steed but dealing with this sh%$ at your age is tough and so are you.


    I am "too old" for this site as well but I could relate to your story- I am one of those "smaller" ladies and with the lumpectomy and radiation lets just say things are nowhere near even after the tissue they took out. I can't quite get used to looking in the mirror or going to a yoga class and realizing with a sports bra it looks pretty flat on one side and think everyone is looking- all this and I am 52. My husband quietly reminded me he did not marry me for my boobs (so true LOL) and could care less he just wanted me around.


    You are young and friends just can't put this into context really so give yourself permission to feel every emotion there is as you deal with this and forgive them for just not really getting it at all.


    As thanksgiving approaches- I am thankful that you are alive and will have your 30th birthday- albeit missing your breast but knowing you gave yourself an awesome chance to beat this thing. I am also thankful to be sharing the journey with warm caring people on these threads who are tougher than nails when they have to be.


    Hang in and come back often

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  • YoungInCancerLand
    YoungInCancerLand Member Posts: 23
    edited December 2015


    Wyo, thank you for sharing. I posted in this section because I was unsure where else to put it. You and everyone else are welcome :) I appreciate your words of support and insight.

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  • kdoole01
    kdoole01 Member Posts: 27
    edited November 2013


    Now that's the way to do it! You are already pulling yourself up by the boot straps!!

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  • TheHairlessHairstylist
    TheHairlessHairstylist Member Posts: 6
    edited November 2013


    WOW. I relate so much to this thread. Im 29 and have stage 3 breast cancer. I am finished with Taxol and FEC, still doing weekly Herceptin. I have surgery next week. Terrified. It's been hard enough losing my beauty. But now my breasts. I'm pissed off too. I started a blog and it helped me so much. I had no idea so many people would read and relate. It might be helpful, I even have a video of my whole family shaving their heads with me! Check it out.


    image

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  • chex
    chex Member Posts: 1
    edited November 2013


    I relate so much, too! I'm also 29, recently diagnosed, and just started chemo. I'll have a mastectomy (either one or both, we're still undecided) in April when I'm done with the chemo. That seems a long way off, but still I think lots about having a breast or two gone, and about the shape the news ones will take. The plastic surgeon already told me they wouldn't look like they do now as I have "unusual breasts."


    I have found some friends to be insanely supportive. PIck and choose. I think it's goos to let people know when they are not supportive. And there a few young women br. cr. groups- those have been helpful, as well as blogging. Writing has been so important for me.


    I'd love to connect more--- but for now, here's my blog. I hope your thanksgiving trip is amazing and nourishing.




    Chelsey


    www.chelsincancerland.wordpress.com

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  • YoungInCancerLand
    YoungInCancerLand Member Posts: 23
    edited December 2015


    Wow - I'm glad that you both can relate, but pissed at the same time that we have to deal with this at our age. Thanks for taking the time to post your supportive response & share your stories. <3

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  • nostrilb
    nostrilb Member Posts: 24
    edited November 2013


    Your post makes me want to cry. I am there right now. I won't buy clothes, because I am scared of how they will look. Women complain about shopping for swimsuits, try shopping with 1 breast. My boyfriend talked about marriage, and I don't want that right now, because I don't want the memory of it tarnished as part of my cancer journey. It's just that the frickin journey is so damn long. Friends tell me how lucky I am and how much I have to be thankful for, and they have no idea that sometimes we just need to scream that it isn't fair! It wasn't fair to begin with, it won't be fair during it, and it won't be fair long after the scars heal. Thank you for your post, I wish you the best. Happy birthday, and may your day be one without thoughts of cancer.

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  • YoungInCancerLand
    YoungInCancerLand Member Posts: 23
    edited December 2015


    Hi Nostrib,


    I sent you a private message. <3

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  • YoungInCancerLand
    YoungInCancerLand Member Posts: 23
    edited December 2015


    Thanks to my family members and helpful posts from you all my birthday was a great one. My dad bought my new clothes and paid for a makeup artist for my birthday. My boyfriend also proposed. For the most part, the trip was a good one. I got tired of wearing the same clothes and got a little grumpy, but my boyfriend (now fiance) was sweet about it.






    Here are some pictures for you! I learned to wear a lot of scarves and asymmetrical tops. I'm still not wearing a prostheses yet, and still a little sore. The scarves and the asymmetrical tops did the trick. I did wear the "puffy" with the black sweater on my birthday. I hope the pictures are helpful to people, and also show that there is hope!


    image


    image


    image


    imageflying a kite. starting to get some range of motion back :)

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited December 2013


    BEAUTIFUL!!!


    And congratulations!!!

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  • YoungInCancerLand
    YoungInCancerLand Member Posts: 23
    edited December 2015


    Thank you!!! <3:) I super appreciate all of the support before the trip.

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  • kdoole01
    kdoole01 Member Posts: 27
    edited December 2013


    You look fabulous and congratulations on your engagement! I think you certainly have pulled yourself up by the boot straps and did an awesome job getting yourself together...if you didn't say so I would not believe that you so recently has surgery <3

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  • hbcheryl
    hbcheryl Member Posts: 5,113
    edited December 2013


    congratulations on your engagement, the photographs like you are beautiful, wishing you much happiness

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  • wyo
    wyo Member Posts: 541
    edited December 2013


    great pics!! I am glad you had such a fantastic trip- you seem to be picking clothes that look feminine and don't emphasize what you don't want to draw attention to-


    I had no idea how much of my clothing had tight tops til I had my lumpectomy. Saw the MO today and said you know---- since radiation my left breast is really a lot smaller- the bottom of it is basically gone- she answered, they took a lot of tissue out of there- I went back and read my path report and its true- large specimen and good margins but from the nipple down nothing much there and rads just caused more retraction- very odd-looking. My daughter asked to look at it last night since she could not "tell" once I was naked she said yeah I guess its noticable and then decided she should start a company with bras offering two different cup sizes....well thats a cool idea- hope she does it

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  • YoungInCancerLand
    YoungInCancerLand Member Posts: 23
    edited December 2015


    Thanks everyone! :)

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  • stollefson
    stollefson Member Posts: 1
    edited February 2014

    Hi, I am having 2nd phase reconsruction with silicone and lipo.  Any experiences out there?

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  • ziggypop
    ziggypop Member Posts: 1,071
    edited February 2014

    stollefson, you probably want to post this question on a different thread - there's a forum regarding breast reconstruction & even though some of the responses might come from older women, you're likely to get a lot of input. Look at the left hand side of your screen, you'll see a place where you can jump to different forums. Whippitmom is the resident expert on implant sizing so you'll want to check in with her for sure. I also know there are lots of threads about fat grafting although 2 things tend to get lumped together on those threads (the brava system, and the use of fatgrafting with implants).  

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  • Radical2Squared
    Radical2Squared Member Posts: 460
    edited May 2014

    Wyo, get your daughter a patent for that idea! It sounds like a great one. I'd hate for someone to steal it and her miss out on the success and happiness it could bring!

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