Help, very sad and despondent...don't know if I can do this

A - I'm 3 years out from Stage IIIa IDC.  I know it can be overwhelming in the middle of treatment, but I can tell you from my experience, that there is life after breast cancer.  That's not to say I don't think about it every day, but it doesn't take over all thoughts like it used to.  Try to just take one day at a time.  And don't ever hesitate to vent here because we all understand and have been where you are.  It's ok to be scared about your future, that's natural.  But try not to let those thoughts rule you.  Focus on what you need to do to get through treatment and come out on the other side.  You can do it!

Hugs,

Kathy

Being in the middle of treatment is hard. It's hard work. It's exhausting. But you are tougher than you think.

The best thing to do sometimes is get out of your own head. Sitting alone and not feeling well stinks. Find something you love to do, something for yourself or someone else. Some small goal that has nothing to do with cancer or treatment, but fully engrossing yourself in it is a great distraction. Books are good. Hobbies are helpful. Writing letters, etc.

Maybe getting some professional help would be good too. Being able to vent, having concerns validated and addressed, maybe there is a support group too.

Best wishes to you.

Awnie, I'm IIIa IDC, too. When you're in the thick of it, it really does feel like it will never end, but I'm now 10 month past my last radiation treatment and 1 year after my last chemo, and I promise you it does get better. You will get through this and you will feel normal and able to focus on your kids and spend time doing your usual things again. And with treatment, our odds are good to live long lives.

Praying for you and wishing you an easier time than you're having. Remember, there are a lot of us here and we are here for you. ((hugs))

(and Kim, wishing you an easy and speedy time of it with your chemo, too!)

Hi Awnie,

We all were right where you are right now. Scared and sad. I didn't believe I would be sitting here 3 yrs later and yet here I am. I still have dark thoughts every once in a while, but not nearly as often as I used to (only when I get a weird pain). Now I think of the pain, anxiety and time I wasted worrying that I wouldn't make it! Distraction is a good tool to use when I start to feel bad. "Land of the Lost" with Will Farrell almost always brings me out of a funk. Walking and getting outside and buying something just for me (gotta be careful with that one Ha!). Usually it's a new nail polish or lipstick. This is my favorite season and I can't wait for Christmas carols to start playing on the radio. I'm going to lose myself in the festiveness! I hope you can too!

Kelli

awnie1301...where you are in treatment is so hard. During that time negative thoughts far out weighted the positive thoughts for me too. But, I do remember thinking this is happening to me and how I handle it will decided how all this effects my kids. My son is the youngest too which was a huge driving force to keep as much as normal as I could. If I was in bed he would come lay next to me with such a fearful face that I made sure that when he was around I was out of bed. I also knew that even though it was treatment time there was still life and I planned something special ( made cookies and hot cocoa) for the good days between treatment to look forward to.

After all treatment was done my son wrote me a letter telling me how he learned about handling suffering and sorrow through watching me...our kids watch so closely cause we're their mom! I share this to hopefully help you focus outside yourself as this is what helped me be strong and focused on the finish line of treatment. Your desire to be here for your kids tells me what a wonderful mom you are, use that now as a strength to get through...you will get to the other side and life will go on!!

Awnie, I was Stage III IDC, too, and I'm still here, 9 (NINE) years later, still NED (no evidence of disease)! That should give you some hope for the future, and the knowledge that all this will have been worth it.

I recall 1/2 way through chemo as being the worst -- then things started getting better for me, and my outlook brightened. Do things for yourself, to help you feel better, maybe indulge yourself a little -- you deserve it! For me, it was getting massages. I actually had them twice a week during chemo. Some of the other recommendations above might help, too.

Talk to your doctor about maybe changing your meds for depression. A psychotherapist who does therapy with cancer patients might help, too.

Awnie, I am still on the roller coaster of stage 3. Have a made good decisions? How can I ever get back to a "normal" life ? My kids are older, but I still put on a " brave face" most of the time, I see the fear on there faces. Yesterday I had my 7 th chemo, only 1 more. Of course radiation to follow. I get so irritated when clueless friends that are flippant, you will be fine, or the ones that sob when I see them. Coming here and connecting with women that are going thru the same thing is helpful. I wonder if I will need to get on anti- anxiety meds. So far I have not asked, but I am thinking about it. Keep in touch & for me, on those dark days, I just concentrated on getting through that day.

Awnie,

I definetly can relate to how you are feeling, I had a very bad time with all of my tx but I made it through just like you will..we all go to the place of thinking not so nice thoughts when we have any type of aches or pains...just remember the chemo is not very nice to our bodies but you can do it...good luck

((((Big Hugs A)))),

Look at it this way---you ARE doing it! Right this very minute you are beating this crap up! And you will continue to do so! On some of my worst and darkest days, I kept telling myself, "this is only temporary" over and over again. And you know what? It worked (most of the time ). And here I am 4 years later to share this with you. After my initial dx I never thought I'd see it through the treatments, much less still be here today. Don't get me wrong, I have had plenty of scares and know the future is uncertain, but I am LIVING LIFE and trying to enjoy my family and friends. I am one of the biggest screamers at my kids sporting events, including my son who just finished his first season of HS football (playing JV AND Varsity btw . Who would of thunk it?

Hang in there, and we'll be here to hold your hand. VENT away. You deserve it! And feel free to PM me anytime if I can help you in any other way.

Love,

Sharon

Istewart51, I am assuming that you had chemo first to shrink your tumor? I had a lumpectomy first, so I really cannot offer good advice. Does your oncologist plan on you going through radiation & then have surgery? Someone else will post with more knowledge, sorry you are going through this nightmare.

lstewart, I think it is not that unusual for hormone positive bc to not be particularly responsive to chemo, but don't forget that you will probably be offered the hormone targetted therapy, Tamoxifen or whatever, as an adjunct as well as radiation and surgery.

I had my surgery first, then chemo and rads, so I have NO CLUE as to whether the chemo was effective, nor indeed whether there was even any cancer left to worry about! So I often feel I might be less worried if I had had chemo first, although at the time I might have flipped out at the thought of delaying surgery! I guess you can't have it both ways!

awnie, just putting in my own words of encouragement. I'm over five years out from my diagnosis, and just over five years from the end of my treatment. Five years ago I was just ditching my wig and trying to make the best of the shortest hair I had ever had since I was born.

As a single mother, I had worked all through my treatment, only taking two days off for each infusion every three weeks, and then for surgery. Strong? No, not really. I just had no other option. Somehow you find the will to do the seemingly impossible.

What surprised me the most was the feeling of being cast adrift when the treatment was over. If I could have continued to visit my oncologist every week, I think I would have, just for the sense of security. But I have just started yearly visits, and that feels OK now. In these five years I have learned to put cancer on the back burner and move on with my life.

You will make it through this!