Pink October - Vent Here if You Are Sick Of the Nonsense!!

The breast cancer nurse who used to work for my surgeon - older woman who had not had BC and enjoyed the glory of being a breast cancer expert - took a disliking to me very early on. You see, I wasnt the compliant, happy young woman who wanted to just smile and go on excursions with the other girls. She tried to tell me I needed to go to the movies and watch Mama Mia to have a laugh. I dont want to go and see Mama Mia, and no, dealing with my anger wasnt going to be as easy as watching Mama Mia. When I got angry about not having any support groups local to me told me (wrongly) that I was a "glass half empty" kind of person. Just what I was thinking about when I read the wikipedia article about BC culture that unless we do as we're told and are happy and pink we are "corrected". So..that's part of my anger each October. STOP trying to "correct" us with this bizarre stupid message that BC is the nice pink happy cancer. No woman that has it, or has had it isnt happy and glad she had it. Fuck off to the lot of them. Let them spend 5 minutes sitting waiting for the next Mammogram result and see how happy they are. They have no idea what we go though or how it makes us feel - and how dare they think they can tell us!

Just a memory that sprang to mind when reading the above new comments about weight. I put on a lot of weight during Chemo and I had already been unhappy with my weight when diagnosed. I am the kind of person who gains weight when I'm unhappy, and I'd had a stressful several years prior to diagnosis...so was feeling very very upset about my weight during chemo.

Anyway, the appointments to see the stupid oncologists meant checking in at the reception point, which was in the hospital and there were volunteers there helping and at the start of each check in you were told to stand on the scales and weigh yourself. Right there in front of them, no privacy. I hated it!! Yet, when I went into the room to see the oncologist they did not ask my weight, and had no record of it. So why was I being weighed and furthermore so publicly??! After a few appointments, I said to these volunteers, look I'd rather not weigh myself, I know what I weigh, and I'm pretty distressed about my weight at the moment so I'd rather not make it public and the doctor doesnt seem to want to know what I weigh anyway!

Ok, so no huge deal and not a comment about the pink crap so off topic, but just an example of some of the bullshit we go through by seemingly well intentioned but totally misguided women who dont know how we feel. I was already going through enough..what was the public humiliation for?

Well said mpetago, I hear you. I had a look at those links. Yes I'm offended too. I left a message in reply to some moron on the Show your Boobs some Love garbage page. I will leave another message to the one about the Keep a Breast too.

I totally understand how frustrating it is too when they ignore what you say to them! I contacted this place I love Pink

and did not get a reply. So their message is, we dont care if you dont like it, this is what we're doing. So, how fucking offensive and annoying is it when the women who have had breast cancer that they are offending are voicing their disgust and they dont want to know? So increasingly sick of this society that will do anything in the name of sex and or money and fuck anyone that stands in their way. A big part of the problem too though is the feminists that havent had BC. I think they are under the impression that this is all in the name of raising awareness regarding womens health. But what they fail to realise is that women are being patronised and exploited! A body part a colour and money to be made.

I wonder how many men would be impressed if prostate cancer was treated this way? Imagine a "Save Your Asshole" slogan? Or what about a "I love Nuts" regarding Testicular cancer? What about "Love your Nuts"? Mens bodies would NEVER be sexualised and trivialised in this way!

Hi Painterly

I had never heard of this book, I’ll have to google it and have a look and see if I can get a copy. Sounds interesting.

As far as me, I don’t even know if I’m going to write one. I’d like to but on the other hand I am sick of thinking about breast cancer so don’t know if I want to give it the time. Don’t know. If I do, I can’t say how it would differ because I have no idea what Pink Ribbons Inc. is like, but without knowing, I’d say mine would be different because it would be my personal experiences and thoughts.

kmmd, not cynism at all. It's how I feel too. The lack of support, the unwillingness to 'support' us though the reality of it all, the inability to listen to us when we try to explain how the pink stuff makes us feel...but then the pink t shirts etc, to show their awareness and support. Apart from the people getting rich from it, it's all in support of women who havent had it..to alleviate their fear to 'pretty' up breast cancer as they cant face the ugly reality.

I was flipping through a womens magazine today at work, and found an article about a woman who went through breast cancer last year. I ripped the article out as I thought you all might find the following interesting in terms of the public/media/BC free women's need to jolly up BC. How breast cancer MUST always been written about in a positive and smiling light. I am so sick of this and feel that this is part of anger during Octobers 'celebrations':

The article title: "A Funny Thing Happened On My Way to Breast Cancer surgery - She may have lost a "boob" to breast cancer, but she never lost her sense of humour".

So - right from the word go, the BC experience must be seen to be something that can be laughed about, trivialised and talked about positively. It's like the real experience is NOT acceptable for public consumption. Again, if we are negative, we must be "corrected". Where are all the real life stories about the tears, the anger, the fear, the side effects, the struggles, the not so happy stories? Why are they always deemed not fit for other women to read?

Then the article goes on to say:

"I have just completed a 10 month adventure with BC. It has been one of the more positive experiences of my fortunate life"

So, BC is being described as an "adventure" - feeling offended anyone? Then it's "one of the more positive experiences of my life". So, maybe women who've never had it - never had to face it and experience it might believe this crap. I don't. Its hardly an adventure. It's shit! And how many of us would honestly describe BC as "one of the more positive experiences of my life" - are you fucking kidding me? I've never felt so sick, so weak, so tired, so scared, so confused, so battered from surgery, so angry, so depressed, so misunderstood..and now years later - lied to and decieved by the breast cancer industry and a bunch of ignorant doctors who know very little but just tell you what to do and push the pinkwashing. Who wouldnt describe BC as the most negative experience of our lives? For this woman, it was one of the more positive experiences - hence her bullshit story is deemed fit for publication in a popular nationwide magazine.

Then we have:

"It started with a lump, as it always does" - No it doesnt always. I had a 17mm tumour on the top part of my breast (not deep down) and I couldnt feel it, neither could my surgeon, even when he knew it was there and where it was. We tried everything, arms up, arms on his shoulders, lying down..he concluded "I can't feel a thing". Don't appreciate this lady professing to the ignorant masses that it always starts with a lump - really? Mine didnt. Just more ignorance and misconceptions. So those who like me have BC but cant feel a lump - especially like me who are "too young to have BC" - are being told here it ALWAYS starts with a lump - being told wrongly, can't feel a lump, you dont have BC. Wrong. And very dangerous.

Then when relating about being with the doctor and being told about the 'nature' of her cancer and "what a lumpectomy would mean" she "took some of it in but was constantly distracted by his absurdly long eyelashes, marvelling at the way they hit the top of his cheekbones when he blinked" - so she's being told about surgery to her breast, but the lovely eyelashes of the doctor seem to be just too distracting for her to really take much notice...for fucks sake. It almost makes BC seem romantic and an opportunity to flirt with your doctor.

Then when being told she might need to have a mastectomy - "no choice really, no breast, no cancer" - that's great, but I wonder how many women when asked if they would like their breast surgically removed find the decision so easy and uncomplicated? No tears? No anger? No despair or grief? Gee.

Then when asking her surgeon about a reconstruction describing her breast as "something that had fed two children and kept a few blokes interested" - yes, that's why we have breasts - they are play things for men. That's important to note isnt it? If we can reconstruct our breasts to be better than they were before it's all turned out awfully well. No sweat.

Further down.."yet the bright days have outnumbered the dark ones" - really? Fuck. I would have thought that those dark days were pretty frequent? Yet, this BC experience is filled with "bright days". The ugly side of BC isnt really that ugly apparently.

"I dont sweat the small stuff anymore" - well that's great, but it seems to me it's the standard 'smile ladies, it's a pretty form of cancer after all - it's all pink and sparkly and you must see it as an opportunity to improve yourself and correct yourself'. I would like to learn to not sweat the small stuff so much, but I can tell you for a fact that when I was only one year out from BC I was too deeply immersed in the major depression and anger issues to be trying to learn to not sweat the small stuff. Silly me! I was going about it all wrong. Furthermore, this woman is 62. I had BC in my 30's - I dont like how the media will present one experience like this, and package it as a one size fits all. How might a young woman feel? How might any other woman feel? It's always got to be the fun and happy story. Nothing else is acceptable.

Then when talking about if the cancer returns in the remaining "good" breast "if it does, off it goes". Again, I am impressed with this womans flippant approach to losing breasts. I guess it's how some women feel...but it's always surprising to me how the whole experience is made seem so easy and flippant.

Then, she talks about wearing a t shirt that says - "Yes they're fake - my real ones tried to kill me" - And why must you advertise that to the world? To amuse? Making a joke of such a serious disease seems to me a little to flippant and insensitive.

The reconstructed breasts were then described as "bolt ons" which have "prompted requests for photos from (daughters) facebook freinds - I'd love them to go viral" - so, it's ok you've lost your actual breasts as now you have brand new shiny ones that you would like to show off to everyone of facebook. Again, I think, well good for you, but there is something about this statement that seems wrong. Am I wrong? It was also pointed out that the doctor said that the new breast would be bigger - is there any reason for this that I am unaware of, or is it the patriarchical medical world's view of what a really sexy 'boob' should look like?

"My 'adventure' proves that regular self examination is crucial" - proves? My surgeon couldnt feel mine even when he knew where it was and that it was definately there. By all means say that it's important, but it doesnt necessarily 'prove' anything.

"I am one of the 89% that will live beyond five years" - how does she know that? Its been one year. But BC stories must be presented in a happy and non scary light it seems.

"It did happen to me and I've got the boobs to prove it. Life's good". So all's well that ends well? She got a brand new set of "bolt ons" (didnt she say though that she only had one breast removed? Or are we trying to sweep under the carpet that you now have one larger reconstructed "bolt on" and one "good" boob as that sounds a bit too scary and weird? So BC was just one big happy adventure. See world, BC is all pink and sparkly and can be trivialised. Lets go eat some pink cupcakes and have a fun night in with the girls. We want to prove we are supportive and aware afterall. This is what they are aware of? BC being described as an adventure where the good days outnumber the bad?? You get a big new perfect boob that you hope you can share pictures of on facebook and they go viral and you're a better person as you no longer sweat the small stuff. Give me a frickin break. And then we wonder why we are viewed as the terrible negative ones that have just got it all wrong. How can we not be when cancerland is advertised as being so bloody happy and filled with more good days than bad and an adventure? Does this also help explain why when they see a real actual woman who is tired, bald and has grey toned skin and dark circles under her eyes, they run away and dont want to know? That's the 'ugly' cancer to them, to us it's the real deal. What we actually experienced. To them BC is pink and fun - oh an a HUGE business promoting opportunity and money making racket (see below).

Whilst I have nothing against anyone that can look on the bright side, laugh at themselves etc, I am sick to death of BC always being portrayed in this way in the media. How many women could give their story but it's rejected as they would like to say BC sucks, it's shit. I hate what it did to me, I hate the depression, the anger, the tiredness, the scars, the lack of breasts....so their story is rejected as just too negative and we dont want to upset all of those women who havent had it. We dont want to bring anyone down to the point that they are sick of the pink stuff so the marketing opportunities diminish?! The reality of BC seems just too offensive. Just too scary. So, then when we are sad, angry etc, we are of course viewed as "negative" and need to get over it. Pinkwashing wont have it any other way.

Lenn13ka - pleased that you are reading Dr Lee's book. Good to hear the no bullshit approach for a change isnt it? See what I mean..there's so much that they dont want us to know.