September 2013 Chemo Group

At least with pregnancy there is almost always a positive outcome. My two were very positive. :-)

I'm starting to define 'chemo brain'. I have made more mistakes at work in the last few weeks than I've made in a dozen years. Hard to focus. Hard to read without being dyslexic (I've never been dyslexic, but seems like now I can't tell the difference between a "d" and a "b" or read with comprehension). My friends at work have been wonderful. But I know it is hard on them when they can't count on me and I'm gone 30% of the time.

Grateful for my many blessings. Can't wait for this road to be behind us.

Nicole: Ugh!!! Sounds like it's all about the "big I, little YOU". That is what I say about my sister anyway.

KJ: I am having big issues reading too. One week I couldn't even read my assigned homework, but fortunately my instructor does narrated powerpoints that cover most of the material. I think Microbiology was a bad choice to take this semester. I just got back from class and she was talking about all that we need to study for our test next week. I didn't even know what half of what she was talking about was, let alone do I know the material. My brain may explode before the week is over.

LHL: I am glad that your side effects are much better with the Taxol! I hope that the pukiness stays at bay for you.

I am STILL hurting from the Neulasta and this is day 11. A good note is my muscle fatigue seems a bit better with the L-Glutamine (thanks SpecialK), I think and it is helping the neuropathy too. My numbers are back up in the acceptable range. Oh as as far as the fasting issue goes my ALT test that measures tissue damage was more than double the high range again, which it was the first time as well (no fasting). When I fasted, it was within normal range. I think that is proof alone that the fasting is doing some good. I guess we will see with the next round.

I am glad I am not the only one that is not doing great about diet and exercise. I guess that is more of the whole "one day at a time" thing.

martie-OMG the "city of destruction". I literally laughed out loud this morning reading that. Great description. Truly. I feel like the body I'm living in isn't even my own. My metabolism is in the trash can, everything I eat turns instantly to belly fat and can feel my muscles just leaving the building. I tried to lift a simple weights circuit with 5 lb dumbbells after infusion #2 and was sore for 5 days. *(thanks chemo) And Viji yes I'd like to punch some people in the face too. A lot.

As for chemo brain I thought I was being spared but yesterday I walked the mile to my yoga studio an HOUR too early to teach class. Got there and assumed my clock was wrong. Nope. Then proceeded to teach class and call body parts all the wrong names ..like I couldn't even figure out the word for elbow. Bless my students, they are great about listening and not needing me to demonstrate things. I find I have to sit most of class and just talk or else I get too light headed standing up and if I don't sit down? I'll end up falling down. Luckily I have 5 personal training clients that have stuck with me each week so that I can keep paying my studio rent and bills.

In other news I have found a bit of a silver lining about rads when they start in January. The brand new health and fitness facility at the hospital complex where I have treatment is offering either free or reduced memberships for breast cancer patients (heard this through the grapevine but have to verify thru the support group, and even if I have to pay full price I don't care) but this will give me a chance to make the 22 mile one way drive for rads Monday thru Friday for 6 weeks a FUN thing and something I can look forward to. I will schedule a workout time before rads, shower there and then go across the street for rads for the 6.5+ weeks. Looking forward to repairing my "city of destruction".

Anyone having swelling in the feet and ankles? Mine was just towards the end of the day but they are swollen already today, and swollen enough that my sock left an imprint on them.

Feeling tired today. Had taxotere on Monday. Hoping my braces don't cut my gums since my mouth feels a bit dry. Hope everyone is doing good.

You Gals are great! I find it so helpful to read your posts and also always get a lift & a laugh!

Today is the first day in a full week that I feel *normal*. (not weak, achey, tired & felt I could drive etc) That chemo & Neulasta shot last week knocked me for a loop. Next week is my last A&C & Neulasta (then on to weekly Taxol for 3 months....) Oh & Herceptin.

How different have any of you found the SEs from A&C to be from Taxol? I am so worried now that having the Taxol weekly will only give me ONE day a week of feeling ok.

For everyone traveling the rough chemo road, many hugs! I just wanted to say it does get better.

I am now 23 days out of chemo, and I have my taste back, feel much less tired and am fine digestively. I can even eat spicy things again! Dry mouth has stopped and tiny hairs are sprouting.

I had my third rad tx today and it really is easy when you get used to it. Of course, things may change when SEs show up.

Most of what I'm left with is some muscle aches and these damn hot flashes, that are continuous now. I got a Frog Toggs Chilly Towel on Amazon (made of a material you soak in water that then evaporates) and it helps cool me off.

I'm also looking forward to repairing my city of destruction! This Sat. I'm going to a workshop on making a "survivorship" plan. Should be interesting and I'll let you all know how it turns out!

mama Stewart - I wish I could do more than send you internet hugs. Your post just made me feel your pain so acutely. I hope writing it is cathartic but mostly I just wanted to let you know you are often in my thoughts. And like LHL I strongly disagree with you that you deserved or caused this cancer. While I do believe stress plays a role in cancer I don't believe it causes it. Otherwise every president or person going through a divorce would get cancer. I personally think (and I know there is a lot of disagreement here) that negative sources of stress by focusing so much of our strength away from what is good for us does hurt us but this is true for all health matters. Therefore my own high levels of stress dealing with my daughter's father maybe exacerbated my cancer by not giving the tumor the full force of my body's natural defenses, but I don't believe it caused it.

In terms of the diet mess: I have both the cancer fighting kitchen and crazy sexy kitchen. My back story: I was a vegetarian for many years before eating meat again (only once or twice a week and never fast food) and I love love vegetables. The rawer the better and I ate a huge farmers market salad every night for pretty much my whole life. And up til I had my daughter I ran about 30- 40 miles a week. I don't say this to brag but to make the point I still got cancer. I don't believe diet and exercise are the only factors. I do however believe that a 'good' diet and a lot of exercise help more than our oncs suggest. If nothing else agood lifestyle makes you healthier overall and stronger to fight issues before they take hold in your body. I was the same as you though. I wanted to make a huge 100% change in a day. Ha! No matter how much I wanted to its pretty much impossible unless you don't have anything else going on in your life. A change like that takes a long time and requires a lot of sacrifice - both from us and our families. And FYI, I made three soups out of cancer kitchen and it took hours and hours and a lot of money for just a little of all these specialty ingredients. And they were not really tasty. So that was my big effort and it failed.

These are the things i do (mostly after reading the book anticancer - more based in my reality):

Try to eat grass fed meat wherever possible

Drink green tea (iced - can't stand it hot!) as much as possible

Eat more veggies and fruit and really cut out processed food when I can.

I find that the fasting has had long lasting help for me too. Before when I used to get hungry I would eat whatever I craved. But now even when I am hungry and go to a gas station instead of reaching for the candy or chips I try to figure out what is the healthiest 'bad' thing to eat. It has been a game changer in terms of when I make my worst choices.

That being said I love sweets. My best advice since this whole thing started is to make them count. I used to be a eat whatever sugar was there and before I knew it I would consume 10 pieces of candy and not even taste them. Now I make a point of planning my sweet tooth so I have something to look forward to and make a mental effort to stop the feed the beast mentality. So I am eating more desserts at restaurants or bringing things home from the bakery and less eating candy and crappy stuff my coworkers bring in. Results in more enjoyment and less absent eating.

Not sure if that helps but were my strategies. Cancer makes you revaluate everything and screws with your inner self confidence. I am and have been struggling with that aspect most of all. Can I trust my body anymore? Look what it allowed to grow without letting me know (until it did let me know - at 2.5cm). I know it will be a new normal and I know I will eventually get it back but my loop is thrown.

Best wishes to all of you!

LHL- I have always taken care of my mother's Dr 's appts and usually what I get she gets a few years down the road. So when I found out I was going to have surgery I tried to get  all of my mom's testing done. Scary to find out we both had been diagnosed. Unfortunately I couldn't help my mom due to my surgery and one of my sister's had to step up. My sister then tried to bring my mom over so I could take care of her, they get used to their own lives and want no one else to mess their routine. I needed time, I still do to finish my treatment.

I'm waiting on the diet fixing too - although I'm somewhat like josgirl - I feel like I was very healthy before in eating and exercise. I've run marathons and finished triathlons. I am a healthy weight and most of our meat is from hunting. I'm letting myself eat whatever I want during chemo. I actually get irritated when people say things like - "Do you eat sugar? Sugar feeds cancer, you know." I want to say - do you know that your body can turn any carb into sugar so it's not just nutella feeding cancer but apples too?! I don't know why we got cancer - but I refuse to believe that I did something WRONG to get it. I know it's a way for others to feel at ease if they can figure out what I did that they can NOT do, but I don't deserve this. None of us do. And yeah, we don't have to be positive 100% of the time, because treatment does suck. But we will survive!

VintageGal- yes on weekly taxol you may only feel good for a couple days a week. But I never really feel bad. More achey and fatigue days 3-5, but days 1&2 and 6&7 are seriously normal.

I agree 500% with josgirl and knightzoo. We did NOTHING to deserve this unless we have been living an unhealthy, crappy lifestyle. But look around you- not everybody who does gets cancer. It is just a series of unfortunate events in our body and no one really knows why. If they did, there would be a cure for this bloody disease.

Hang in there everyone!!!

Kbee, I am also fasting and I truly believe it is working although I agree that it is getting harder with each treatment.  I thought it would get easier and for tx#2 it was easier.  This third tx knocked me on my butt.  I had more aches and pains and felt queasy (although not nauseas).  I do 52 hours before and 24 after.  Usually with all chemo protocol stuff it works out to 85 hours.  I find the worst is about 6 hours prior to breaking the fast.  Mentally I am just a mess.  The two days prior to chemo are relatively easy though.  Think it is interesting more of us are trying this.  Do you take the neulasta shot?

just an aside, but I really do think chewing or sucking ice chips during A/C is the way to go. This last and final A/C infusion I forgot to ask for ice (and unfortunately if you don't ask at my infusion center the nurses don't offer) and I'm definitely feeling more sore in my gums and mouth this week. And my tongue hurts too, like I've burned it. Never had mouth issues with other 3 infusions and DID chew ice for those.



Oh and I hope I NEVER get that infusion nurse again. She tried to access my port with me upright and got absolutely NO pull or push ( I suspect the end of the needle was up against purple port plastic) so her remedy of the situation was to literally ram on my port and press it into my chest with one hand and then lift the needle and DIG around trying to find another stick. I'm usually just fine with any needle stick or port access but DAMN I wanted to punch this nurse in the freakin' face. I couldn't believe how rough she was ...my husband just kept looking at me expecting me to scream or pass out. After what felt like an eternity her solution was to recline me on my back and go in from the ceiling. Worked just fine. Good for her. (( golf clap applause )) Oh and I swear if I *ever* smell rubbing alcohol without hurling when this is all over it will be a miracle. I just imagine the smell and I immediately want to vomit. And those vinyl pink chemo chairs??? I'd like to burn one of them. No. I'd like to burn ALL of them.

Not many of us around today.

I good use some positive thoughts and prayers. My youngest is getting bronchitis, which would not be bad except that it is triggering bronchospasm and she is wheezing. 2 breathing treatments later and her pulse ox is up to the point where we do not need to go to the ER. I have set my alarm for every hour overnight to check on her. Really hoping to NOT be in the ER tonight. I do not need the germs, nor does she! DH is working overnight tonight, so it's all me, which may make for a long chemo day tomorrow. Feeling a bit overwhelmed, and hoping she keeps her oxygen sats up.

And today had been such a good day; I should have known the other shoe would drop.

KBeee, Praying for a peaceful night for you.

Peacock, you totally should've punched her