September 2013 Chemo Group

hi ladies,

I was away all weekend for a hockey tournament, thank goodness it wasn't far away. Had taxol #1 on Thursday and by Saturday , my oh my did the pains set in! I felt like my ovaries were going to fall out! Between the pelvic pain and the bathroom issues holy smokes!! Starting to feel better today, pains off and on, but tolerable! I have been taking ibuprofen which is taking the Edge off. One question... my nails right on the cuticle line are really white and sore. Did anyone else have this? And the hot flashes are crazy!!

Vintagegal1 & Travelmom ... thanks for asking!  I'm struggling with the hair loss, not "comfortable" with what's happening to the hair yet.  My hair was always very thick and now my scalp is showing and the hair is baby soft & fine, shedding like crazy and I hate it.  Haven't been able to bring my self to have it shaved off yet.  I have wigs, but embarassed to be seen wearing one.  I only venture out to the store at times I probably won't run into anyone.  I know I have to get over this and move forward, just not there yet.  As ridiculous as this sounds, this has loss has been greater than all the other losses that have happened so far - including BMX!  Intellectually this makes no sense to me, but I suppose it's the dignity issue.  Both of your attitudes and stories have been very helpful to me, thanks ...

Art - most surgeons like to have at least a month, if not more, until they do surgery after finishing chemo so as not to have any inhibited healing, but you can definitely have surgery while still on Herceptin. I finished chemo on June 2 and had surgery to replace my left expander in mid-July, and was only half way through Herceptin.

I'm ok with the bald head. I'm just tired of strangers calling me, "sir". argggh.

Bought some new earrings to wear but it has been so long since I've worn earrings that I'm afraid my ears will get irritated and infected.

Is anyone having a problem with rapid heartbeat? I know I'm anemic so every little thing tires me out, but I've been checking my blood pressure at home (hubby has to check his daily) and my pulse is running around 100! Normally it's around 60. I took my BP tonight and it was only 87/70 but my pulse was 109. Is that a chemo thing, or an anemia thing, or something else? It's kind of freaking me out. I don't really notice a rapid heartbeat or any palpitations or anything, but still...

lighthouse - it is a chemo thing and an anemia thing and a steroid thing.

LHL- my pulse is high like 100 every time I go to the doc and they say it's related to the chemo.

70charger- yes I do agree...it's amazing how much colder I am without my hair!

lighthouse, yes me too. My pulse is usually in the high 80's and low 90's, so bizarre since I was always a sub 60 BPM resting heart rate kinda girl. My blood pressure has stayed low however. And if sit quietly and just relax my eyes? I can see my pulse beating in them. Ack. My eyeballs throb.

kjsimpson, I hear you on the wanting to rant. I keep hearing everyone tell me "but you're have way done" and I just feel like i'm half way to nowhere right now. Still dealing with the period from hell. 8 days and counting. No chemo pause here yet.

KJ,

Thanks. We have 4 more taxol/herceptin than AC every 2 weeks for 8 weeks. I'm trying to be proactive because my wife likes to procrastinate. This is too big if a decision to do that with. I found a good link that lists all the recon options with pots & cons, I'll post it.

Onc was not sure for radiation yet and still possible she could fave a lumpectomy.

This waiting until surgery to know whether tumor is all gone & nodes etc is crazy. However my wife & onc definitely feel it's shrinking.

The wife and I got in a tiff this morning because her parents were taking her to chemo today instead of me. I've been to 8. I needed a break and in running out of vacation days.

I feel bad but I'm a little frustrated.

Anyway, I hope everyone is well.

Been following all the posts. Isn't it great for the AC people to be on the edge of being done. Finishing my 4th AC today. Just have to get past the next 8-10 days of SE's. Nice thing is my Onc. is letting me have an extra week off before the taxol and herceptin starts. So I will actually have a full week of feeling almost normal. Good luck to everyone heading to the chemo bar.

LHL: Unless your normal BP is low, 87 is low for a systolic blood pressure! You need to be careful that you don't pass out. You may want to call MO about going in for some IV fluids.

kj: Vent away.

DH's parents were here for the weekend, and as they were leaving, DH makes a remark to them about me almost being done. I bit my tongue becaus his parents are old and getting frail, but I came really close to going through the roof. I am not even halfway done, and January 3 might as well be 3 years away, because that is what it feels like. Why do people say such stupid things? I wanted to just scream!!!!! My parents do the same thing everytime I talk to them. Last ime I spoke to my mom, she said, "You ONLY have a couple months left. You need to have a really positive attitude and you won't have any side effects. Remember me? I treated my breast cancer like I just had a cold and I didn't even lose my hair during chemo". How, oh how am I going to deal with HER (my mom, the one who said that) when she comes to visit at the end of Nov? ....... Yep, just smile and my side effects will all disappear. Got it. For the record, she did not lose her hair during chemo, but she also go the least strong meds, very, very low doses, and, that was over 20 years ago when they used different drugs!!!! Eek. Rant over. I think I may stay at a hotel during her visit. She means well, but she drives me bat shit crazy about his whole cancer thing. What is it with all of these people that think chemo is a convenient time to visit anyway. Uuuugh. Sorry for the vent. January just seems like it is an eternity away, and I have been feeling hormonal, like I have had PMS for the last week. I really want to snap out of it and find the positive me again. May be time for a really long walk today; maybe that will clear my brain.

LHL: i agree with KBee. That sounds really low to me and you should probably get checked out. My first thought was dehydration too with the high heart rate.

I guess in hearing you all vent about family I am kind of glad that I don't have to deal with that lol. I can only imagine how bossy and know it all some people in my life would be and it would drive me bat shit crazy too.

i agree about the "half way done" crap. Yeah...I'm ONLY HALF WAY DONE! I already feel like I'm 180 years old. What are the next treatments going to do to me? I have been going through a bit of a depression is my problem. In part because of what I meantionsed above: there is no one here for me. My sister that I really thought would be here for me, and the only one within hundreds of miles, couldn't care less. Things haven't been great between us for awhile but it is a crushing blow. I mean, if she doesn't care that I have CANCER, I kind of know where I truly stand with her. Then it worries me because I known cancer and depression are a seriously bad combo, and likely the whole reason I got into this mess in the first place. I lost my first true love a bit over two years ago (yes, after my ten year marriage ended, sadly) and it nearly devastated me. I was so depressed that I was only eating every 3 days or so, living on energy drinks and coffee, not sleeping much. That went on for over a year; my sister turned her back on me during that time (we were previously like best friends) so that made things even worse. I don't even know how I survived it let alone I am not really surprised that I got cancer; I treated my body like crap and I deserved to get cancer. I finally had begun to really get past it shortly before I found out about the cancer. I don't do antidepressants though because I have bad reactions to all of them and they usually make my mood worse. I am trying to find a support group but it was difficult before and ridiculous now... Blah.

Ann - Congrats on the last AC!!! And an "off" week, too - that's a bonus. :-) (although I'm like knightzoo and want to get finished ASAP so I wouldn't want any delays!! )

Babyruth - I totally agree with you. I think it's almost harder on those around us. We have no choice but to DO what needs to be done. But our loved ones? They feel helpless and can't always know what the right thing to do is. Have fun on Halloween! :-) That's a nice way to spice up a chemo day!

Kbeee - OMG I am laughing at what your mom said. Not that it's funny, but it's funny that she would say that to her daughter of all people. Good Lord. I was freaking out about my mom's visit last month because I didn't think I could stand the "mothering", but it turned out better than I thought. Maybe your mom's visit will, too. How's that for a positive attitude? :-)

mamastewart - {{{hugs}}} No matter what you did or how you acted, you did NOT deserve to get cancer! It's just a bad roll of the dice for all of us. I'm sorry about your sister - it breaks my heart that someone you were close to turned her back on you now when you need someone the most. Ugh. What is wrong with people???

As for your question about diet..... I really haven't changed much during chemo, because frankly I just eat whatever I'm able to eat. I don't eat 100% healthy but I try. I love fruits, some veggies, salad, etc, but could never switch to an all raw diet like some people recommend. My mom sent me a book "Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips" and it's really a fun book to read... but the author went totally vegan and organic and her diet is 80% raw food and she describes eating things I've never even heard of. Um... I live in Abilene Texas, have two small children and we live on one salary. I just can't make a radical change like that! I have given up soda except for Sprite because it all tastes nasty. I still like a piece of chocolate here & there and will take french fries any day.

I feel like I'm drinking plenty of fluids and am peeing a normal amount.... so I don't think I'm dehydrated. I'm not supposed to see my MO until next chemo day (next Thurs) though, so I'll keep an eye on it and call if I get worried. My BP normally runs on the low side. It's usually around 100/70, but whenever my immune system gets down, my BP goes lower. Last year I had Lyme Disease and the only symptoms I had were extreme fatigue and really low BP (80/43).

Oh, and the hot flashes have started!!! So weird, because I'm usually ALWAYS cold.

Nichole - that's CRAZY! Too upsetting for her.... well too damn bad! It's upsetting to you, too!

The taxol pain is better. Sunday was the worst of it. I was on the couch all day and alternating ibuprofen with my pain meds (percocet)... but nothing really touched it. Yesterday and today I still ache all over, but it's not the awful "Oh my God that hurts" kind of pain. And it may be a pain (literally), but I'll take this over the AC yuckiness any day. My taste buds aren't all wacky (or gone) and I haven't felt pukey at all. Just achy and very, very tired.

kbee- I don't think unless someone has gone thru chemo can they realize how long and slow the days pass! I am sorry that you are still only half way thru! I just had a friend post on fb that October flew by...I wanted to say "want it to slow down try chemo."

On subject of food. I know I have to start eating better too...just feeling over whelmed as to where to start and how to cook for my picky eater family. Not sure how to get my boys to eat better. Really not wanting to be a restaurant, but not sure how to just get the junk food out and get the better healthy food on to the menu.