I'm at the end of my rope

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Mrswest76
Mrswest76 Member Posts: 2
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts


I was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer in May at the age of 36. I have two young daughters, 4 and 6, a a rocky marriage, and my mother living with me because she cant seem to afford living on her own. I have been a stay at home mom since my 6 year old was born. After the tumor was found I had a double mastectomy and also tested positive for the BRCA2 gene. My husbands division for the pharmaceutical company he worked for was dissolved and he was layed off with 8 months severance. My mother and aunt have also tested positive for the gene. After an ultrasound of my mom's ovaries, a tumor the size of a grapefruit was found so she has stage 3 ovarian cancer. I have already been through andromycin and started taxol last week as did she after recovering from her hysterectomy. My husband still has no job and has become an alcoholic due to caregiver burnout. I have so much anger inside that I'm at my tipping point. This is truly too much for me to handle and my poor girls' lives have been ruined.

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  • dlb823
    dlb823 Member Posts: 9,430
    edited October 2013


    Mrswest, do you know if where you're being treated offers any psychological support services? Many cancer centers do, and they're usually free of charge and available to the whole family. I'm so sorry you're going through so much right now. I know it just doesn't seem fair, but perhaps a hospital psychologist or social worker can help you find whatever support you need to ease your situation. And if you aren't already taking something for anxiety, your onc should be able to RX something for you. If you're already on something, maybe he or she can tweek it.


    I'm sorry your husband isn't giving you the support you need, but I'm glad you've found BCO, and hopefully you'll find a lot of support here. (((Hugs))), Deanna

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  • lekker
    lekker Member Posts: 594
    edited October 2013


    You are going through an incredibly difficult time right now and you need some help. Could your oncologist's office refer you to a social worker? You are taking care of your mother, husband and children - who's taking care of you? I know I don't understand all you're going through, but I do know that you haven't ruined your daughters' lives. They are young and you can pull through for them IF you're able to get the support you so desperately need - and very much deserve. If your mother and husband can't provide it, you need to find professionals who can.

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  • planetbananas
    planetbananas Member Posts: 206
    edited October 2013


    I'm not sure I have any advice that I can give you. I just happened across your post and it's late at night here, & I just wanted you to know that I'm sending you hugs and prayers. I'm so very sorry that everything is so difficult at the moment. I hope that there will be a day when your life will be easier.

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  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited October 2013


    I am so sorry that do much has come down on you at once. As others have said, contact your cancer center to see what social services they have available for you and your family. One very important thing; your husband did not become an alcoholic due to caregiver burnout. He became an alcoholic because he chose an unhealthy way to cope with a very stressful situation and became addicted to that choice. To imply otherwise is putting the blame on yourself and it is most certainly not your fault.

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  • Mrswest76
    Mrswest76 Member Posts: 2
    edited March 2014

    Thank you all. Update: I stopped chemo in November due to neuropathy from the Taxol. My husband, doctor and I prayed for guidance as to whether to continue or stop. I have Lupus and degenerative disc issues and I couldn't imagine having one more chronic pain problem. So I stopped. I still have the neuropathy. The pain is pretty bad but Lyrica has helped some. I see a therapist which has helped. My mom has her own home now and hubby is back at work. Next step is hysterectomy 

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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited March 2014

    Mrswest76 just noticed your topic post searching for something else. Immediately looked at all dates. LOL, on my memory and orientation. I had to verify--okay ? this is 2014, so, she posted 5 days ago.

    God Bless you. You have survived one of the worst case scenarios, I have ever seen written. You have been through hell and kept on marching. I think that's a play on words from Churchill.

    I know your march isn't over, but your survival under the worst circumstances, wasn't accomplished by chance. Our stories here, serve to help ourselves and to help others. If you can consider writing the details of the things that happened to get you through. 

    I did a thread the year after my DH and I were diagnosed with cancer three months apart. It was a help to me to put things in perspective. It's been a help to others. 

    BCO member ROCK started--topic More Tips (and a Shopping List) for Getting Through Chemo . It is a true gift to other members on what to do, to deal with the unknown first chemo trip.

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/69/topic/7...

    I think you could do the same or I would feel priveledged for you to add to my thread. It's Just Diagnosed-Get Prepared.

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/5/topic/74...

    Whatever you decide to do which may be nothing, I just want you to know you are one of my hero's. LOVE&HUGS&PRAYER'S>>>>>L&H&P"s sassy

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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited March 2014

    Posted a PM to MRS. decided to post parts of it here too. It'll make sense when you see the next post of lot's of BCO links.

    -------------------

    Mrswest. I just posted on your thread. I'm PM'ing in hopes you see it. You are an amazing person. So, happy that you came through those days. Frankly my first thoughts were --I so hope she didn't take her life. But here you are BLESS YOU

    I'm an oldie--BC Jan 2009, Brain tumor 2012, Thyroid cancer just dx'd and being treated now. I've stuck around BCO b/c there literally is no place in the world where you can get the support that you can here..

    I watch for newbies. I have put together a list of a WHOLE BUNCH of threads to get you started. Just click on them and click on FAVS. That stores them on your "My Favorite topics List". Don't try reading them all LOL---it'd drive you crazy. The list is meant to use as you need them type thing.

    The list will be in the next PM to you

    In fact, I'm going to copy this and post it on your thread b/c it may help someone else.

    Please, if you need a social thread, I invite you to the social thread I started along time ago. Isomnia thread. I abbreviate it IT. If you come and it seems overwhelming to keep everyone straight. Don't worry, everyone on BCO has memory issues. We just joke about it.

    Put me on your Fav member list, I make myself available to newbies until they learn to fly and whenever after that Sassy

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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited March 2014

    These are all links that I keep in my Favs, b/c they are related to stuff that happens to us. Some I've worked on. Others I haven't. I keep them in case someones has a question about a particular topic that is fairly common. Some are my threads, LOL like Constipation.

    Just put them in your Favs and read later or as needed. You can always delete them if you find no value. Don't let this list overwhelm you. It's a resource list.

    Click on them, look at the name, click on Favs.

    The one you should start with is Just Diagnosed-- Get Prepared. -sassy

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/5/topic/74...

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/69/topic/7...

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/69/topic/7...

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/93/topic/7...

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/69/topic/7...

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/62/topic/7...

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/67/topic/7...

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/102/topic/...

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/102/topic/...

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/90/topic/7...

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/64/topic/8...

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/8/topic/77...

    on the above link a synopsis is on page 25 and 26

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/6/topic/78...

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/8/topic/79...

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/64/topic/7...

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/44/topic/7...

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/78/topic/7...

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/69/topic/7...

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/73/topic/7...

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/79/topic/7...

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/44/topic/7...

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/44/topic/7...

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/44/topic/7...

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/8/topic/77...

    There are oodles of other forums and topics, but these may help get you started---sassy.

    ---------------------------------------

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  • ziggypop
    ziggypop Member Posts: 1,071
    edited March 2014

    MrsWest - Glad to see that Sassy has connected with you already, she's great fun and a ton of help with all kinds of things from constipation to crazy 'pathways' (you'll find out if you stick around). I'm also really happy to hear that your mom has her own place & husband has a job - what you were going through just sounds so overwhelming. When I was first diagnosed I had moved home to take care of my dad who had terminal cancer and my mother who had dementia. We were quite the trio. I think, too that you will find that your children's lives (regardless of their age) haven't been ruined - luckily kid's are very resilient & if they know that they are loved it goes a long way toward their ability to cope with things. 

    Many hugs to you - 

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  • Chevyboy
    Chevyboy Member Posts: 10,786
    edited March 2014

    Okay Mrs.West.... I've just read what is going on with you!  Holy Toledo!  I don't know how you handle it all..... but I'm sure we have plenty of suggestions for you....  Mine don't mean anything, but that's just me....Loopy

    You are only 36???  I'm just so sorry, that you have to be going through all of this!  And then Husband troubles as well.... I mean ONE thing is enough, but NOT a million!

    Your little girls okay?  Just stay strong for them....  they just want you to feel better, and even if you don't, tell them you are.... 

    I think there are resources for you to look into!  Call your Doc, or Oncologist....  Or do you go to church?  I know when you are at the end of your rope, there are numbers you can call, even in the middle of the night, that will guide you through that pain and heartache, and take you into the morning! 

    Sassy says SHE is old..... but I am even older....  In fact I thought I was TOO old to get cancer.... but it's been almost 5 years now, and I'm doing good....

    Also, can you get help for you and your little girls?  I mean someone to watch them so you and DH can have some time alone? 

    ZiggyPop is on the Insomnia thread also, along with Sassy, and some wild and crazy women.... I'm the only sane one on there...  as you will see........ NOT!!!!  Ha, ha!

    So come join us.... we will have all kinds of suggestions and advice for you.... maybe even a recipe, or just a laugh, along with hugs....  Okay? 

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  • Chevyboy
    Chevyboy Member Posts: 10,786
    edited March 2014

    Okay littleWest..... click on here...  And then read back some pages.... We have fun on here, but a lot of the women are having an AWful time....  But we are all in this together, and we've got our arms around you.....  so hang in there....

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/102/topic/767259?page=371#idx_11109

    xoxoxoxoxo

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited March 2014

    oh my goodness, you've been through so much, sweetie! I could relate to a late (triple neg DX at 41 before there was Internet). You've come to the right place, BCO is here for info, support, friendship, fun and laughs. Am also on the Insomnia s thread with Sassy, Ziggy and Chevy, come join us.

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  • JWoo
    JWoo Member Posts: 1,171
    edited March 2014

    MrsWest- a thousand miles may separate us all, but we are all still here to support each other. Know that you can always find love from your BCO family. I am so glad to hear that things are looking up for you! This bumpy ride we call life is still an amazing journey, and even if we get stuck in a mudhole now and again there is still more beauty and happiness to enjoy along the way. 

    <<<hugs>>>

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited April 2014

    hi Mrswest, just stopping to see if your checking in and how you're doing. Please visit Insomniacs when you have a chance. 

    image

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