How can I help my friend? Meal train? Child care? Privacy?

Options
Sleeperhit
Sleeperhit Member Posts: 2
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer


My friend/neighbor is having a double mastectomy this Friday. She is newly divorced with 2 young daughters. Her ex is great and he will care for the kids full-time and bring them to visit and to share family meals. (Her sister is going to directly help her through the first weeks after surgery.)


What can I do to help? I'm thinking of setting up a meal train for her. Wondering how many meals a week I should request.


What else can I do that would be most useful?

· Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Comments

  • BayouBabe
    BayouBabe Member Posts: 2,221
    edited October 2013


    my sister paid for a house cleaner for me for a few weeks. This was an amazing help, as I would not have been able to do it myself. Magazine subscriptions were also great as I recovered.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • lovelikecrazy
    lovelikecrazy Member Posts: 32
    edited October 2013


    Great question. I was supported so well by so many people. Although I never thought cards were important to me, I appreciated cards so much when I could not get out and wasn't up to visitors. Funny ones were expecially welcome. Once I was a little better, brief and I mean brief, phone calls and visits were nice. Meals were great but could often be overwhelming. Just one dish or a home made loaf of bread was just as appreciated. And I agree with BayouBabe, cleaning would be nice if she doesn't mind the invasion of privacy. Maybe be specific, "I'm coming to wash your floor" or "I will clean your bathroom and do your laundry on Friday afternoon". Even if she turns you down, she will know that you cared and that really is what is most important.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Moiralf
    Moiralf Member Posts: 1,056
    edited October 2013


    It's wonderful to be thinking of ways to help your friend.


    I also suggest that asking her what she would like help with is a good idea. Everyone is different and some people will let you do cleaning in their home and others don't like people in their space. If others are bringing meals she may be happier to have someone who will do a little gardening or tidying or picking things up in town etc.Or driving her places until she is comfortable again.


    She may even just want someone to take her for coffee after the first stage is over. Popping in or giving a quick phone call and caring about how she is doing will be much appreciated I 'm sure. Not just in the first week or so but after that too when others have returned to their routines but she may still be feeling the newness of it all.


    Make the offer but let her decide what she needs.


    Moira

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Trisha-Anne
    Trisha-Anne Member Posts: 2,112
    edited October 2013


    If she has lots of help with meals already, then plates of cookies or cake etc are good too. I had so many people calling in to see me and say hello, and a friend had baked for me, so it was nice to have something to offer guests.


    If your friend will end up having chemo, then having help will be even more appreciated. It was difficult after a mx, but at least I felt "healthy". During chemo I was unwell and overwhelmed. Having someone come and do my cleaning was a godsend. Meals weren't so important then as I couldn't eat much anyway. Having someone keeping an eye on you during chemo is soothing, and someone to pick up things that mean she doesn't have to leave the house to get will help too.


    Trish

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • SelenaWolf
    SelenaWolf Member Posts: 1,724
    edited October 2013

    My neighbour came and cleaned my house for me once-a-week and provided a full meal on Sunday for my husband and I, with enough left-overs that we could have several smaller meals throughout the week.  What a god-send that was!


     

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Sleeperhit
    Sleeperhit Member Posts: 2
    edited October 2013


    Thank you for the great advice! Karen and I discussed her meal needs post MX. She'll get more meals in the beginning with enough to serve her, her kids and her care givers while she recuperates. Meals will come less frequently during weeks 3 and 4 after surgery. We plan to start back up with meals when she begins chemo.


    Great ideas about the sweets for drop in guests, magazines, doing laundry and cleaning house, gardening, sending funny cards. Karen does like a good laugh!! Thank you! Thank you!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories