Pink October - Vent Here if You Are Sick Of the Nonsense!!
Comments
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I don't disagree with a thing you have written RubyRedSlippers - I feel your anger too and if the vast majority of people went through what we have, they would view Pink October differently. Enough already with BC awareness, we need a cure for each and every one of us, from Stage 0 to Stage IV. I will celebrate with pink cupcakes and sparkly pink shirts then and only then! -
Ruby - What I post on my fb page are topics, shares, posts from sites such as mbcn.org, metavivor.org, blogs, news articles etc. Some are positive stories, some are not. But they are all meant to educate others about the realities of bc. Perhaps approaching it this way has helped others to understand that it is not me just rambling or having a pity party (which are totally justified for anyone) but it is actual facts about bc and the fact is that there is no cure and something needs to be done about that.
It is uncomfortable for some to discuss such things and I had a hard time talking about my dx in the beginning. But I find that the more I do bring it up and can approach it with education in mind (rather than telling others that they have no idea) that people are a bit more responsive to listening. The more comfortable I am talking about bc, it seems to help others join in the discussion.
Find some good sites/blogs that are reliable resources and take it from there. -
Thanks for that ladies, just what I was thinking. I do understand exactly what you are saying Barsco, but I guess part of me wants to scream at that too. I do understand what you are saying - that they might listen more if you take the softly smiley approach - but I also feel angry that it always has to be this way doesnt it? Smile - it's cancer. Smile, youre a woman, dont upset anyone. Dont be negative. I would like to talk about the reality. Let them know that they have no idea, and that's why I'm not going to sugarcoat it. I'm not saying that you have sugarcoated it, I do know what you're saying, but I'm saying they WANT us to sugarcoat it, and dont want to hear our stories.
Whilst I do understand what you mean about educating - no argument, I am so fed up with the whole notion from these women that "we cant stand breast cancer and the ugly reality and the negative side of it, we want smiles, we want hey but it's all good, we want pink and cake". It just makes me feel so bloody angry! See, that's the thing, we cant talk to them about it. We are supposed to smile and do the pink fun stuff and help them to not feel scared (as they are scared that it might happen to them, that's the thing) and be gentle with them lest they get upset. I am so sick of it, and so frustrated by it, and that is part of what this pink October means to me. The smiling it's cancer, and dont scare us, lets all have fun! Enough! What we have faced is their nightmare - so it's like they expect us to pretend it's really not that bad, it's pink and fun - so that they feel a bit less scared and a little better about the "awareness". So fucking sick of hearing that from the Pink Industry after what I've been through. I am sick of having this approach forced down my throat every October. -
there were many arguments on FB.about all this and it did get a lot of bullshit.Be brave,be bald (something like that) was on FB and I had out and out arguments about there the hell is the money going..I. Swear I thought I would get kicked off FB...be careful.
On another note I have a shirt from last yr?that says Focktober and under it it says just ask me...lots and lots of people have asked me and those people had no clue where their money went..
Anyone who knows me knows don't dare wear pink anywhere around me.
Am I angry...u bet I am...we can only get the word out one sista at a time..
This thread is wonderful...telling it like it is...cursing and all.its a good feeling to let it all out
My motto.they can send a freekin man to the moon,des over all kinds of vaccines but they cannot find a damn cure...give me a break...Big pharma will go broke...
Everyone is aware...find a damn cure/vaccine...enuf said.
I am the FireKracker... -
Thanks rubyredslippers and the other women on this thread for the support
. Can't say I was really surprised by the appearance of the detractor, despite the name of the thread, I've had this happen on here a few times before with different topics. Seems that strong emotions make some people so uncomfortable that they feel the need to 'check' it through feigned shock, shaming, whatever - but I have learned over the years that I do not need to silence righteous indignation and outrage, nor should I - whatever the outcome or response. Not everything is changed through gentle persuasion, sometimes a person has to 'go off' to be heard and felt. I 'went there' a few times on my FB this month, and yes, in each case, I had a random detractor appear and tell me to lighten up, like their good survivor friend (blank) who LOVES the pink life and 'cheeky' regalia (hence my visualization of the neck kicking for the ever-present 'don't be ridiculous and how dare you disagree, some of my best friends have had breast cancer' brigade) - but I also had people step up and agree with me, and even a few who apologized for thoughtlessly sharing a stupid, insulting 'breast cancer' post. So it was worth it to me to put myself out there, because those people get it now, and they will tell others who are truly well intentioned, but to whom none of this ever occurred, either. If I was out doing something I thought was great and one of the intended beneficiaries came up to me said, hey, that actually isn't great and here's why - I would listen. Genuinely listen. That's me, because I really wouldn't want to hurt or offend the people I was trying to support, but others tend to get defensive and want to slap your wrist for pooping on the party.
I wasn't willing to do it until this year, just wasn't up to being attacked or labeled for something so difficult already; but this year, I said fuck it, we'll see who cares enough to stop, listen and think about what SOME of us have to say about all of this, because I'm calling everyone, corporate and otherwise, on the bullshit. Yes, I'm a bad, bitter, ungrateful breast cancer survivor to some, and they are generally the same ones putting this thoughtless shit in my face every day or who clearly could care less, so, uh, fuck them. There is plenty that really stinks about all of this, and it's okay to say that. It isn't a blanket indictment, nor does it mean I don't appreciate all of the amazing people and organizations involved or work being done. Wrong is wrong, and I've never been good at silently enduring things I perceive to be wrong, especially when it's being sold to me as a huge, sparkly gift I dare not refuse. Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining. -
mpetago! Great post, thank you!
GrannyDukes long time no see! Glad to see you are still the cursing Firecracker! -
I opened this thread to try to understand the reason people are upset and educate myself. But I don't understand. That is fine. I don't like merchandizing in general, but having a month devoted to breast cancer doesn't bother me. If people can talk about breast cancer, it is a huge change from where things stood socially several decades ago when it was not acceptable to talk about it. If it helps to vent, then do vent. I understand the messages aren't perfect, the money doesn't go where each of us might like, but I still appreciate the month. -
And this, from some website called PinkOctober.org:
Our mission is simple, to help the internet "go pink for october" in an effort to raise awareness for breast cancer. We do not offer any other support.
Enough said? Kind of. So these people think that somehow "helping the interent go pink" is going to raise "awareness". What the fuck? Again, 'pretty' up things and everyone will be "aware". Does anyone know what this thing called "awareness" is that is only going to be out there if the internet is pink?
Note they "do not offer any other support". No. They just think that making things pink is going to help stop breast cancer in it's tracks! That big nasty pink colour that can kick cancer's arse.
Again, we dont want ugly, we dont want crying. We dont want anger. We dont want to think about scars - too scary!! Just turn the internet pink and it's all going to be okay!! Fuck. -
The problem is that now that this pink october crap has snowballed into a huge money making industry, it's going to be hard to stop it. Unless of course, the money stopped being made, and that wont happen until women who havent had breast cancer stop buying into it, and the tide turns due to women like us speaking out.
The problem with that though is, I think at least, that as I mentioned before, those woman are so afraid of getting breast cancer, they want to tell themselves they are "aware" in that are getting checked etc, but due to their fear, they want the sparkly fun stuff to make all the ugliness and fear disappear from their view. If there is a big scary monster you have to be aware of, at least if it's dumbed down, and made all girlie and cute it makes the fear seem less real and in your face. So no one is saying, lets go back to never mentioning breast cancer. Mention it. But dont mention it any differently than how they mention being sun smart, or talking about bowel cancer. Talk about it. Be aware, thats it. Of course it would help if money stopped being the focus of everything in this world and a lot of the truth came out that is now being hidden due to too much money being made from lying and keeping the truth hidden. I cant make any of you read anything, but I do strongly urge you to please read Dr John Lee's book. It is so honest, completely free of the bullshit, and just tells us the truth. The truth that is hidden because there is money to be made.
I found on this site, the two topics I just read, Breast Cancer Culture, and to some extent Companies and Consumers very interesting. I urge you all to have a look.
Wikipedia. BC Culture is particulary interesting.
I found it interesting how they were talking about how women feel angry or depressed we are "corrected" by other women and the medical industry. Exactly!
Also, I thought it was insightful the mention of the patronising attitude towards women - the 'cute' teddy bears etc. Imagine feeding men a bunch of toy trucks and teddy bears culture to get them to be "aware" of prostate cancer? What about having a baby blue themed month with slogans like "I love blue" and "Positively Blue" for the men? How many men would buy into that?! How many men would be smiling and pretending it's all about fun tea parties, and cake and blue glitter?
Why do adult women have to be patronised like we're a bunch of giggling little girls who must face cancer with a smile and a pink cupcake and urge everyone else to celebrate with you? Just dont ask those negative women who've actually had it. They might spoil all our fun, either because they arent wanting to join in with our bullshit, or because they might do that really scary shitty thing - actually tell us about what it's really like!!
Notice how when you want to buy just plain coloured winter pyjamas you cant find any, only rows of womens pyjamas that are covered in Sesame Street characters, or teddy bears? Why do we, as grown women allow society to patronise us and dumb us down at every turn? Ok, they can get away with it in terms of pyjamas, but breast cancer?! -
RubyRed, you say it all so well. I wish I had the energy to do more about this than complain, but I don't, because that's what BC does to you in the end. It leaves you sick, and weak, and depressed. There's nothing sweet, pink, and feminine about surgery, radiation, and poisonous chemicals that leave us debilitated. -
Thanks MaryLW - I have been thinking for a long time about writing a book and the more I think about it lately, the more I want to start. I've already written a lot down over the years about my thoughts and experiences..so here comes my book.
Do you think a "negative" book would be well recieved - would I be crucified for my "negativity" ?? I am sure my BC sisters would like it, but how do you think it would be looked upon in general? -
In general, I think it would be an eye-opener for people. I'm sure that a lot of people would be critical, because we all like feel good stories, and we all want to think that we can cure ourselves with a change of attitude. Somehow the truth needs to come out, though, that breast cancer is a deadly disease that no amount if positive thinking is going to cure. The disease is not about Tatas and boobies and being silly. Of course, no one wants to lose a breast, but the large possibility, always looming ahead, is that you'll lose your life after cancer attacks the parts that aren't so easy to make bumper stickers and t-shirts about--your bones, liver, lungs, brain, colon, peritoneum, and other organs that most of us have never even heard of. Maybe if you can get stories from women about what they've been through, and some honest answers from doctors, your book would be accepted, and would surely do some good. I hope you write it. -
I am not thinking of a book that is saying not to think positive and that isnt what I am trying to say in this thread. I am all for anyone having faith, using visualisation, positive affirmations and so on, I do think that helps and I do think it's a good thing and important. I am talking about the bullshit of Pink October, NOT what we personally think about our own bodies or lives or our personal belief systems or being positive about our lives. Pink October cant take that from us!
In terms of the book idea, I was thinking more along the lines of just talking about my actual breast cancer experience. What I encountered. The reality, my thoughts on the bullshit of the pink stuff and so on. Kind of convey the message of what I went through, in contrast to the Pink October garbage. Then I wake up and think, screw it, I dont want to write a book, I want to forget about it all and not think about it. So I dont know. -
Ruby - You have so many valid thoughts and arguments regarding "Pinktober". I too am sick of seeing pink everywhere I go - The first time I went shopping at the beginning of this month - my stomach actually did a bit of a flip when I walked in. The first thing you see of course is a table of pink merchandise in "support" of bc. I really wanted to buy some fresh mushrooms, but the only ones there were packaged in pink. I left the store without mushrooms. Not a big protest, but a start.
I think that we all really feel the same about the pink movement. We know that in most cases little or none of the money from pink purchases goes toward any kind of support for bc. We know that there is a large population that is unaware of the realities of bc, and a great number of those who don't want to hear about the dark side. I also think that we are all in agreement that something needs to change.
I guess where we differ is how to go about getting the word out there. Which is OK - the important thing is that we all keep talking about the SEs of tx (some of which never go away), the pain, the scars (both emotional and physical), how our lives have been affected forever for ourselves and our families, how we are scared that our small children may grow up without a mom (or dad), that no one has had bc, but once you have it, you have it for life, that screening is not a cure, nor is early detection (cuz once it's detected it's there), the numbers are skewed to make it look like there is progress being made, however there are still 40,000 women/men dying from bc (in the U.S) every year.
I think your book is a great idea if/when you are ready to do so. Or what about a blog? There are others who have written about their bc experience and have been successful in getting the truth out there. These are the types of things that I share on fb. Being stage iv from original dx, I haven't had chemo or rads so I cannot comment on those experiences. Perhaps that is why my approach is different than yours?
Regardless, all of our experiences, thoughts, and feelings are important and whether the masses like it or not - they need to hear the truth. -
Good morning fellow breast cancer ladies. I've been hating all that pink ribbon crap since before I was diagnosed in April of this year. Frankly, I felt it was a huge marketing campaign launched at the expense of women with a serious disease. Surely, some of the effort are worthwhile, but WOW has it gone astray. I came across this article about a week ago. It is well worth a read. You may have to copy and paste the link into your browser, but it's worth the effort. If the copy and paste function does not work, it should be pretty easy to find on Huffington Post. Author is Lisha Davidson-Yasol and it was posted 10/17/13. Love and best to you all.
Gracers -
rubyred I'd sure read your book. Thank you for the wikkipedia link. It is so honest about sheros I can't believe it is still up. So many things in that article where I said, yep, someone told me that, yep, that's my doctor too, yep, I'm "not allowed" to feel angry about things that happened. Thanks for posting that. -
Hi Gracers - A great no holds barred article with some great information. Thanks for sharing. -
Gracers, thanks for posting that article. It was very informative and well written. I hope lots of well-meaning people read it and learn better ways to help. -
Early in the month, I went to the grocery store. The clerk, a gal I have a connection with due to both of us having diabetes, said at the beginning of the month that the store manager gave her a box full of pink things to put up throughout the store. Not that any of the profits from anything would go to bc research, just put out the pink. I walked past it in past years but this year after dx it kind of bothered me. Main street in my tiny town is dotted with pink ribbons tied to anything that is upright, some store windows are painted with pink ribbons and the logo "Breast Cancer Awareness". That's great and all but why not add something like "help find a cure or vaccine"???? -
Great article Gracers!!
I had typed my post above last night and forgot to hit submit, so I did it first thing. I hadn't seen the article at that point. -
I am sitting on my sofa, recovering from walking a marathon (26.2 miles) yesterday in the Avon/Charlotte Walk. I am 68 years old and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. My sister, niece, daughter and I did it in memory of my mother, beside whose bed I sat for four long months last year as she slowly lost her battle with metastatic breast cancer. We raised over $7500, bought pink shirts and caps, and hoped that our efforts would somehow help. I checked this site today to check on a chemo that a dear friend has recently started, and was taken aback to stumble upon this thread. Though I have never had breast cancer, I have seen it up close and personal and truly wanted to channel my sadness over losing my mother into something positive. I can't imagine the frustration and disappointment you all must feel when people's efforts seem fleeting and insincere, but I hope you know that there those of us who go "pink" in October because we truly care, and in no way want to offend anyone. Would appreciate any constructive ideas of what to do as I plan to continue to donate money to this cause. Where would you all like to see those dollars go? -
Hi Salspecs, thanks for contributing, and so sorry about your mother.
I guess for me, it's about every year getting more and more offended and fed up with seeing the pink stuff. First of all, for me I'd say, stop spending your money on the pink hats and so on. I feel that the only place the money you spend on these goes to is to the companies that make them. I was reading an article last night, I think it might have been the wikipedia link I posted up there, about how some company made a lot more money from sales of their pink product than they thought they would and when they originally alloced a donate amount, but nevertheles still only donated the original amount to the research company. All the extra money they made..they kept. Yep, they profitted from breast cancer, pure and simple.
Furthermore, I guess I feel more and more patronised every year by the array of the pink stuff. It's silly and condescending to us.
As for donating. On one hand I say actually research...but then I think..but it's the year 2013...if we want to start to prevent or stop cancer, start getting the big companies producsing carcinogenic products from doing so in the name of money. Start thinking about the problem of young girls being given hormones for birth control when there is already a known link between those and developing breast cancer later on and so on.
So maybe the money is best spent donated to organisations that actually help women with breast cancer..help them through their treatment. Resources for women to use to educate, and help them.
Dont know..after reading Dr John Lee's book I am increasinly disillusioned by the "research" companies...
Anyway, just my thoughts. -
Thanks, rubyredslippers, We were told that the money (or 85% of it) that we raised would be used in North Carolina to help less fortunate women get needed mammograms and to provide aid to those undergoing treatment. Anyone think that isn't true? Fortunately, we bought our hats and shirts at Academy sports, but they had nothing to do with breast cancer...they just happened to be pink. I do see what you mean about that! -
Salspecs,
I, personally, wouldn't mind so much if folks go "pink" if they know the results of their efforts. Is the funding going to pay executives or does a substantial amount of money "trickle down" to those of us dealing with the disease or to research? Everyone should do their due diligence and know what their donations accomplish. I refuse to donate to anyone who hires a company to do their fundraising because I know my donation is reduced by the amount the fundraising company charges.
There are so many businesses that just do "pink" to make a buck or so they are seen as supportive. I had a pharmacy tech say "I don't even know why we have pink lids for the prescription bottles." This was after I refused to take my prescription until she put on a white lid.
I donate to BCO. I would donate to any local group who directly help the women and men with breast cancer- help with rides, housework, paying for drugs or food, etc. Research for Metastatic BC is woefully underfunded.
I am tired of hearing about awareness- I have awareness there is no cure-there is no prevention.
Congratulations on finishing your marathon in your mom's memory. If you look up Avon, I believe you will find they are good stewards of the monies they receive.
J -
Juliaanna.....totally get what you are saying! My husband came home this week with a pink prescription top and I wondered why. I did some research on Avon before committing to their walk and it certainly appeared that they are good stewards of the money raised. -
I received $250 from CancerCare to help with transportation costs during treatment, and Avon does fund that. I agree with the other ladies on here as far as supporting local organizations who help cancer patients and their families with paying their bills, providing meals (Angelheart did that for me and my son) and even providing money for recreation and outings. One thing I find frustrating about so many of the organizations who fund mammograms for low-income women is their refusal to fund them for women under the age of 40. Seriously, happened to me and you can google the topic and see how common the practice is. I went through hell just to get a mammogram at 35, I was refused repeatedly and dragged out for a month because I had no insurance. The people raising money for free and low-cost mammogram access in my community didn't have that in mind for me, I'm positive, so it would be great to see programs funded that provide services to younger women as well. Or maybe the existing programs need to be pressured to remove the (insurance established?) age restriction. -
Agree! I was diagnosed at age 38. Had to have mammograms every year since, and each time I ask my surgeon who refers me to ask them to put it through as a free one, which he happily does. I find it annoying that though women over 50 are happily mammogramed for free and sent reminder appointments for them, but I have had BC and am in the higher risk category, but I have to ask for the same privilege.
Young women get BC too. So much ignorance exists around this cancer, and it would be nice if instead of the pink circus there was more information given about all of the issues and funding for young women to have free mammograms etc. -
Right? I got so tired of receiving those emails from Komen asking me to donate money for free mammograms because early detection is the BEST hope for survival; thanks, I think I already knew that and the programs you're talking about wouldn't include me because I was 'too young' for breast cancer. Now you want money from me for mammograms and you send me scary statistics about the prognosis for later stage cancers as motivation? That's deep. -
And I'm in the same boat with the mammograms too, to this day if my doctor doesn't write 'diagnostic mammogram with history of breast cancer' instead of 'screening' mammogram, it will be denied by insurance because of my age. Oncologist told me she had to write the order to make it seem like there was an area of concern (diagnostic) so I wouldn't have to pay for them, even though it was actually just screening. -
Whilst I am not saying that it's healthy to be overweight and not exercise, just now had another breast cancer culture expert blaming overweight women for getting their breast cancer. The newsperson announces that women need to be educated better about the lifestyle factors that 'cause' breast cancer. So, does "cause" mean they deserved it? Because I was told that no one knows what "causes" it.
Then we have the woman standing there saying that women need to maintain a healthy weight and exercise regularly. Okay, no argument there, everyone needs to do that. But please explain to me why many overweight, non exercising women never develop breast cancer? Why so many thin women get breast cancer? Why women that are thin and exercise all the time also get breast cancer?
Why are we being told we "caused" or deserved our breast cancer due to our size? Why arent they telling women that maybe the plastics they eat out of might be "causing" it? Why not tell them that maybe the chemicals we use "cause it"? Why not tell women that maybe the perfumes they put on their skin "cause" it? Why not tell women that maybe having oestrogen dominance "causes" it?
Why do they take things that they can easily rub in our faces with no fear of a big multi million dollar company being offended or suing them and make us feel like we deserved it?
How many of the women who know very little about breast cancer hear this message and think..oh yes well that woman that is a bit pudgy and had breast cancer...I guess she bought it on herself. This isnt helpful. Yes, by all means inspire women to exercise and be at a healthy weight but for fucks sake stop telling women how they deserved their breast cancer due to some kind of failure to live up to a society driven idea of the perfect woman. So fucking tired of it.
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