So tired of hearing "It's all over now!"

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mummommama
mummommama Member Posts: 70
edited June 2014 in Life After Breast Cancer


My treatment is over. I'm still recovering from treatment, but what I hear from acquaintances and doctors and nurses is all about how I've made it through. But you know what? I feel like shit. Now I have to battle with insurance for disability time. I have no energy but do my best to make it to support group and wellness appointments. Side effects of tamoxifen include horrible GI problems that make it impossible to leave the house.


I'm so frustrated. And I feel really alone. My husband has been great, but this is way too much for one person to carry alone (we moved to a new city in December 2012 - diagnosed in March 2013). I just want to dig a hole and sleep it off.


Please tell me, how have you overcome the recovery and gotten back into the swing of things? Any tricks or tips are very much appreciated. It will be sooner than my body is ready, so those tips are even more appreciated.

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  • jenjenl
    jenjenl Member Posts: 948
    edited October 2013


    Once you have more energy you can begin to focus on really moving on. Not only is it hard on the body but now you begin the mental healing and to me that is the hardest part. I am still in that place. Let yourself process everything you've been through.

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  • gonegirl
    gonegirl Member Posts: 1,871
    edited October 2013


    i had to find a counselor myself. I am the type of person who gets through then breaks down. Totally normal. I also had to go onto an anti depressant. This is hard stuff. It takes time

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  • rubyredslippers
    rubyredslippers Member Posts: 228
    edited October 2013


    I dont know what to tell you other than what I found. I too went through the frustration of people who dont know what they're talking about, telling you crap like this, and you feel like if I scream and say what I really feel and the truth, they'll think I'm a miserable crazy woman, so you shut up and just feel angry. I know!!! The only thing that helped me was time, and venting here on this forum - talking to women who actually do understand because they have had BC and the treatment and know what you're talking about. Women who havent had it think they know - they dont have a clue. I dont really have any answer for you though. I basically just went through around 3 years of intense anger issues and depression and it was only time that saw me through it. Good luck. Everyone on here understands and you can talk here, ask questions and vent. That is all that helped me.

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  • jwilco
    jwilco Member Posts: 486
    edited October 2013

    I feel for you.  I feel like some think that since I look fine, have two boobs (one foob, one mine) that I must be ok.   What people don't realize is that even facing the diagnosis of something like this is traumatic.  The decisions that must be made.  The sacrifices and pain of surgeries.  It takes it's toll.   I think we are all struggling to get our lives back.  I know that I am.  It's been two years for me.  Thankful I can say that, yes.  But sometimes I just want someone to say, "yeh, I bet it was really hard.  How are you doing?" 

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  • mdg
    mdg Member Posts: 3,571
    edited October 2013


    I also moved when going through all of my treatment. I found it helpful to find a group of BC ladies that I could chat with. They totally understood what I was dealing with and always "get it" when I express my concerns or have a bad day. In your new area is there a support group for BC patients? A counselor may help too. I am almost 3 years out from dx and I have come to realize that other than my BC friends, no one "gets it" and they never will. I have learned to ignore their comments which seem insensitive. They have not walked in our shoes so they have NO clue.

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  • LtotheK
    LtotheK Member Posts: 2,095
    edited October 2013


    I feel for you, partly because I heal SO SLOWLY it took me 4 months to even start regrowing hair (which took quite a hit from Taxotere, but that's for another day). I'm also like gritgirl: I was a "you are so strong" powerhouse--while I hate that it always gets said to cancer survivors, I'm owning it, because I worked all the way through and walked four miles to and from radiation every day after chemo. So yeah, I was a tough kid.


    I am now three years from the end of chemo, and I find that only now is it really starting to retreat. My insurance totally botched paperwork, and we ended up getting audited. That took two years to get through, and we still get occasional erroneous bills. Then, there is the more "it's never over" stuff. Okay, it's not so important, and only I notice, but I have to draw my stupid eyebrows in daily, and I have a receding hairline thanks to the drugs. I also stopped menstruating. These are constant reminders. They rise and fall depending on how I feel about my life.


    When I am feeling successful and empowered, they seem like nothing. And when I have a bad day at work, and everything feels like it's falling apart, they are a bigger part of my head space. I have many things in my life: art, teaching, a gorgeous cat, lots of hobbies, a great partner, and fun friends. The more engaged I am with these aspects of my life, the less the cancer stuff matters. Some days, you have to force the re-engagement. And I think that's normal. You simply can't let the cancer define you, and it will if you let it, because that it what it does. It is the most horrific thing anyone could imagine, and no one gets it except the survivors and caregivers.

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  • Warrior319
    Warrior319 Member Posts: 32
    edited October 2013


    mummommama, I feel your pain I am there now. I had a lady tell me on another thread, there is not a cookie-cutter cancer patient personality. We all heal and grieve differently. I have had some rather insensitive things said me. I have actually been told. "It's over, get over it move on. I have good days and bad, and have been done with treatments for a year. I began to go to private counseling because I felt like I was bringing too many issues to support group. I have found lots of support on this forum. Counseling has been great and helped me alot.

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  • FireKracker
    FireKracker Member Posts: 8,046
    edited October 2013


    I hate it when people say to me WOW u look so good for all you went throu..


    My answer was What he hell am I supposed to look dead....


    It's over 3urs.for me and I'm just this yr.starting to feel kinda normal...or what is called the new normal...


    Hang in there..it's a rough ride....it's never over....I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop...


    Good luck to all of u....

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