in shock and angry

ritagz · October 2013

I was one of those healthy people that rarely saw a doctor. At 60, I don't have high blood pressure, sugar problems, cholesterol issues. I was the poster child for a healthy senior whose only deficiency was vitamin D because of lack of sun.

When I was finally persuaded to get a mammogram and sonogram 2 1/2 years ago after a small lump was found during a routine physical, I was told that it was probably just a lymph node. There didn't seem to be much concern or urgency on part of the doctor or the radiologist and so I procrastinated with the recommended follow up mammogram. My mistake.

With no significant family history of any kind of cancer, I felt confident their diagnosis was correct. Their mistake.

Lately I thought I felt the lump grow, so I went back for the follow up, and indeed it was not a lymph node, but a tumor that had I removed 2 1/2 years ago, would probably not be there today.

I am not sure who I am more angry with, myself for not taking it seriously from the outset and doing the follow up, or the doctor for not conveying the urgency of the follow up because it might not be a lymph node. There was no sense of real concern from a medical professional, so I took that cue and let too much time elapse before going back.

I know I shouldn't dwell on the what ifs, I am just at the beginning of what I hope will not be a very difficult journey, but for all those like me that may be overconfident, I am now the poster child for it could happen to anyone. This was not the place to let fear or procrastination into my life - because the cost might be my life

rozem · October 2013

my story is similar in that I didn't push for a mammo at my physical in November (bc was found by me the following august) because here in Canada they don't screen until 50 unless you have a strong family history or high risk factors. I remember arguing with my doc about having one and she just kept insisting that with my history and age (42) we could start screening later and she didn't want to expose me to all the radiation blah blah blah. When I found my lump 9mos later I was so angry for a long long time...angry at myself for not pushing for screening and angry at my doctor for downplaying my risk. The mammo may or may not have caught my cancer (which was surely there at that point) but i would have felt like at least i did everything i could have. It took me some time to get over it, but I have. I now use my experience to educate women on breast health and BSE, screening and advocating for yourself.

you will move on from this feeling even though it does not seem like it right now...hugs and wishing you all the best

ritagz · October 2013

thanks for the support. I know I will get over the anger which is mostly at myself. I just feel grateful now that I did not wait any longer and hopefully the prognosis is good.

Julie99 · October 2013

Hello Ritagz and Rozem,

I feel very much the way that you do. I'm 42 and found a lump myself in September and it seems like it's been there for a long time. I'd never had a mammogram before, no history in my family and in good health. My dr. insisted it was just a cyst when I went in to see her right away and kept saying not to worry as it went to ultrasound, then biopsy. I'm in Canada too and with my age and no history - never had a mammogram even though I had my annual check up each year. The nurse said to me yesterday don't beat yourself up over it when I mentioned not feeling anything before now. So I would say to you, don't beat yourself up either and channel that strength into overcoming this. Being in good health in general certainly works in our favour!

dragonfly45 · October 2013

Unlike you I had regular mammograms every year in April. I had some rather large cysts that were aspirated (negative) but had to go back in 6 months for a followup mammogram. This moved my scheduled annual to October. I just had my Mammogram and there was a very small spot .6 cm that looked suspecious. I have been diaganosed with Metaplastic Carcinoma, grade 3, triple negative. I have an MRI and see the surgeon tomorrow. I am thankful for my October schedual because this is a very rapid growing type of Breast Cancer that may not have shown up this past April but would be huge by next years date. There is very little informaton on this type of BC and I am very afraid.

maltomlin · October 2013

Hi

I was like you in that I never ailed anything. I was 57 and as fit as a fiddle. No problem.

Coming back from my grandaughter's birthday party I felt a stab in my breast, put my hand there and felt a 'huge lump'. Where did it come from? I don't know.

It was a bank holiday week-end so couldn't see the doctor until Tuesday. 'It'll be nothing but to be sure I'll refer you to the Breast Clinic'.2 days later I had an appointment. Mammo, scan, x ray & biopsy on that day.

It was so scary. I knew it was cancer, although there was no evidence in the nodes.

Fast forward a couple of weeks, yes it was in 3 nodes and was grade 3. I was terrified.

My advice.............don't google. It's too scary.

Just remember that I'm nearly 6 years out, and those like me are now out enjoying themselves, and not coming back to this site.

It's a scary time but it isn't the end of the world (as I thought it was). It does get better. And you'll be looking forward again very soon.

ritagz · October 2013

Thanks all for the support. it really helps to keep me level and not beat myself up too much

it makes me feel less angry at myself to know that I am not the only person that wasn't that diligent, because even those that are diligent and those with years experience, can be surprised.

i just looked at the mammpography reports that i need to send to the surgeon

the first report in 2010 said "suggestive of axillary tail lymph node. suspicious abnormalities but probably benign. follow up recommended" - perhaps the doctor should have said follow up is critical.

the second report last week said, "moderate concern but not classic for malignancy"

I guess the lesson here is that "not classic" does not rule out not malignant, and even the doctor thought it was probably benign. But at least this time I did not procrastinate and listened to my gut and checked it out.

as soon as all the tests come in I will post the diagnosis. the support on this site is great

in shock and angry

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