Fall 2013 Rads

Happy Birthday Imamom. Enjoy your weekend to the max!

Lorrie so sorry about your mom. During my teens I use to have a love hate relationship with my mom too. I use to hate her because she could never understand me and somehow her attitude towards life was just so different still is at times. But moving to another continent altogether and after becoming a mother myself our relationship has changed. We still have our differences but shes my mom i still love her alot. Its the best thing your doing. Forgive and forget life is too short to hold grudges or to hold on to the past. Everyone comes into our life for a reason to teach us some lesson or the other. Think of her in that manner and send her your vibrations of love and forgiveness so she can move on and so can u.

Rrefresca so sorry to hear that your rads have turned out so bad. Just try to thinm of yourself this time next year hopefully it will all be behind you and you should have healed well. Hugs your way.

Happy weekend everyone!

hi all,

I just finished 23/30 on the right, and started 2/30 on the left side. We also did not treat both sides at same time bec. it might double side effects, so I am just now starting doing both at once, so there are a couple weeks of overlap. Last weekend, (before ever starting the left side) the fatigue was terrible. I felt like a basket case. So tired, and I burst out into tears more times than I could count all last weekend. RO was going to start other side on Monday, but after talking to me, he said, why not wait a few days and think about it. It was totally up to me. I could even wait and do 12 weeks if I wanted, but that is a long time, and it will start stretching into holidays, etc.

Last weekend, I felt like I would never feel good again, and that fatigue and cancer had gotten the best if me, but by Wednesday I felt back to "normal" (whatever that is now), so I felt good about starting left side rads on Thursday. So far so good, except for nipple pain and itching on right side. It hurts too much to even rub anything on, but I need to. I am still waiting for the double whammy of fatigue, but so far it hasn't hit me.

I finally noticed how hard going through treatment seems to be emotionally. Last weekend I did a lot of reading about how to cope with fatigue during treatment. One thing that kept coming up was about asking others to help, and not try to do it all myself. At first, it didn't sink in. But then I read what many of you were saying on these boards, and realized that I too was trying to be superwoman. I did not feel I could ask my family to help out. Finally, after one of my many crying outbursts, I talked to my husband and college aged kids about it, and they really seemed to be understanding. They said they would definitely try to help more. Afterwards, I felt so relieved, and so much better for talking to them about it, but it took a lot for me to relinquish that control. I have always been told I am a strong person, but last week I finally realized, I am not superwoman! I am not infallible. But I do feel a lot better this week. To anyone going through those emotions, hang in there. It does get better again

L2girl, I'm glad to hear your comments on this being emotional. I dread weekends because it tends to catch up with me. During the week it's made me so busy that I'm just running the whole time. But even so, it's surprising how something small will choke me up. It's always just under the surface. I'm trying desperately to have some control over my life, but I feel like whatever I do have is slipping. Funny that people around me think I'm fine. I'm sitting in my room right now, putting on my "I'm just fine" exterior so I can go out and face my house full of company. (Though "superwoman" here had to go to bed at 9:30 because she was falling over exhausted). I'm not even halfway through yet. I appreciate the reminders to be more open to help.

You know what keeps coming to my mind? A woman gets this devastating disease, it's so personal and terrifying, and comfort and nurturing would be so welcome and therapeutic. But we drive ourselves to the drs and we get slashed, burned, and poisoned. And we're supposed to be glad they did/are doing this to us because its what will save us. It's just kind of hard for me to embrace this. Every week I have to ask my ro to explain again why this is a GOOD thing, and she gives me all the convincing stats. It carries me for a couple of days and I begin slipping again as all of my energy goes to keeping up with all of this.

I am going to do my simulation tomorrow afternoon.

I can't imagine lying still with my arms up for 20 minutes to half an hour but I'm glad to be beginning the process because it means I will be one day closer to finishing. I am guessing that as long as they don't play jazz music I will make it through OK. If I hear any jazz there is going to be quite a lot of objections on my part. (Seriously ladies, I am not stressing about the music choice just looking for a laugh.)

When I was having my MRI done one of the songs I heard was Bob Dylan's Knock Knock Knocking On Heaven's Door. It was all I could do not to laugh. What a song to play while someone is having a cancer diagnosing test. I kept thinking what I would do if they played "Another One Bites the Dust".

MsP - you must be almost finished. A special thanks to you for linking the words radiation and radiance in my mind forever.

RMlulu - thanks for your attitude - "Battle cry! Rah and your energy.

Ruthblu - I walked faster and further today than I thought was possible and you helped get me started.

I have learned so much from you ladies (and many more who I have not mentioned by name because I can't remember exactly how to spell your user names without going back and checking).

Hopefully my big girl panties wont fall off and embarrass me when the tattoo person arrives!

Bounce...too too funny about the Dylan song playing during your biopsy. I am still chuckling..you're definitely getting big laughs from me.

You are right....I have two more boosts...then I am done. I am already starting to heal in the formerly radiated areas and am quite comfortable. I feel lucky that I have done so well and hope that for all of you! At my center, they give you a certificate of completion.

Have a wonderful weekend. Soon I will be fully radiant and will be cheering you all on!

MsP

I am so glad I found all of you early on! I am 10 away from being done and I can't wait to say I HAD breast cancer! I'm done! For those wondering what to expect, I truly believe every person has an individual experience. My right boob is scarlet red but not uncomfortable and I'm 23 out or 33 in. I had a very weary week last week but after three days off from radiation and work over Columbus Day weekend, I have felt great even though my elderly father had been in the hospital. My last boost is November 1st and I have a weekend shopping trip planned with 6 wonderful friends for that weekend. I'm thinking about bringing celebration leis into radiation on my last day.

So nice to hear that alot of you are finishing. MsPharaoh dont desert us! Your such an inspiration and really help give alot of us a much needed boost. I actually spend alot of time reading everyones post.

Thank you so much for sharing. Had a quiet weekend at home. Just hoping the rest of d weeks go by like the first week.

SophieMarie I know what you mean sometimes instead of the one being in charge you want someone to be in charge of u. Just pampering u loving u and being there for u.

I just hope you feel better soon. Sometimes its better to stop putting on the your fine smile because it all tends to catch up and when you burst it will be bad for your relationship. We as mothers as wives have always done the nurturing and giving d extra attention. Sometimes its but fair especially at a time like this to expect others to do the nurturing. Just that we are not the type to openly come out and tell anyone that. Ends up making us more miserable n sick in d process..

Wishing all of you a radiant week ahead. For those that are nearing the end bless us and pray for us beginners!

Lisa-

I finished chemo almost 4 weeks ago and start rads tomorrow. Still have some periods of fatigue. Worried that fatigue from rads will make it worse. We will see. We will get through this. I can't be as bad as chemo, right?

Bikergirl hope your first treatment went great.

Lav praying for you and all the other beginners

Kirklandgal I hope the throat issues gets resolved I do not know much about the throat issues I am not getting radiation to that area. Keep us posted.

Karibari I lost both my big toenails and had 2 loose fingernails that managed to stay on. Toenails have grown back in about half way and fingernails have totally recovered. I finished chemo on June 23 so you will have to be patient. Hope you can keep yours while they grow out.

I am going today for #9 of 25 so far so good. I guess that makes me a middle of the roader by end of this week

For everyone finishing; congrats hope all went well now you can recover from that.

Hope everyone has a great day.

Believe me, all modesty will disappear when you undergo rads. There are so many techs where I go for treatment and most of them are male. Know they have seen it all before but not my own" all before". Just more discomfort to endure besides being inside or under the cooker. I have done 11 treatments with 14 more to go. I have cried more over radiation than I ever did chemo. Don't know why. My tears are just below the surface at all times. Anyone else feel this way? On a positive note, I have the sweetest RO ever. She is incredible.

Bounce I know exactly how you feel. Simulation was probably the most uncomfortable appointment of the entire journey. It is over and treatment is soon to start. I agree with Honeybair the treatments are hard having to lay exposed but I am now pretty used to it.

I just completed 9 of 25 and am waiting to see the RO.

Good luck and we will be in your pockets for the duration.

(((HUGS)))

SophiaMarie, this isn't a contest to see who can endure the most harsh treatment. I for one, am happy that there are women who are able to forgo chemo. Had my oncotype score been low, I would have happily skipped it. This is a horrid disease, no matter the diagnosis and treatment. We do what we have to do and we try to find a new normal when our treatment is done. Haven't you endured enough??? Here's what I want you to do, oh positively radiant one.....smile real big, toss your beautiful hair from side to side and know that all of us wearing wigs are saying.....YOU GO GIRL! (And oh, by the way, my wig is so much nicer than my old hair!).

Love and hugs!

MsP

I'm pretty sure just thinking about radiation causes ones nerve cells to react! This is month 10 in my treatment and rads were supposed to be easy-peasy compared to chemo and surgery but I'm just not feeling the groove yet. I think I'm just so worn out that my nerves are shot. Cakes, I leak often while on the table, also out of my right eye since I'm turned to the right.

I have neuropathy from chemo and Gabopentin (Neurontin) helped a lot. My neuropathy didn't flare up until after I was finished chemo.

My simulation was over two hours and since then most days my treatments run about 50 minutes. Holding a slightly twisted position with my arm over my head is torture. You would think it gets easier but it doesn't. Today my entire left side cramped up and trying to pull my arm back down almost brought me to tears again.

I'm only on day 6 and just want to cry thinking about the next treatment. It's hard to be radiant!

Go to www.oncotypedx.com and click on the insurance tab. It says most insurance covers the test.

I would definitely appeal.

I hope this helps.

Bluebird, I sure wish we could all reach out and hug you. You have been through hell! I can't imagine being on the radiation table for 50 minutes or having simulation take over two hours. It is impossible for anyone to compare one cancer treatment to another and say that one is easier. It is all relative and you are right....you are exhausted. Maybe radiation wouldn't be so difficult if you did it before surgery or chemo. You will never know. You were always radiant, Bluebird...you only need to finish your radiation to get your certificate!!!

Love,

MsP