In shock

Benny, Benny, Benny, this time around they found it wa-a-a-a-y earlier than the first time. The chances are excellent that if it is bc indeed, it will be very small, they will be able to remove it completely with a lumpectomy, and that will be the end of treatment. I am praying and hoping that for you, dear Benny! Big, big hugs to you!

sending hugs Benny ♥

Dido what Liefie said x

Oh God, Benny...there are no words to make this go away....I am so very sorry to hear this news. It might not seem like it helps at this time, but I agree with Liefie....this has been caught so much earlier than your previous go round. It is a good thing that you don't have to wait to see your BS, no need to go down the "waiting road" this time around.

I can tell you, that you are not alone this time around. I am here, as are many others. You did a lot of "braving things out alone" last time, I hope this time you accept my genuine offer of help, companionship, rides, housekeeping help, etc. I AM HERE FOR YOU!!!!! Do you want a ride/company to the appointment tomorrow.....I am going directly to the pm's, and am going to send you my cell and home phone number and personal email address. I honestly, truly hope you take me up on my desire to help you.

test
test

Oh Benny....I wish I could come hold your hand. I truly know how you feel. You need someone to be with you and be able to talk. I went through the same thing and my husband was MIA, so I drove home like a Zombie, took a handful of pills, and went to bed.

But take a deep breath and look at it this way. If it is malignant, and you still do not know for sure, it is small. Most likely nothing like the previous tumor, and it has been caught early. My surgeon did my biopsy this time, and it was not painful at all. I took liefie's advice an took 2 Ativan before hand. This time I knew what to expect and it was no where as scary as the first time. I know you feel like the earth has been pulled from beneath your feet. Another tidbit that someone told me is, this is not mets.

Hope I have not overstepped in my advise. I am really pulling for you. We all have come so far; please hold on...we are with you.

((HUGS))

Jenifer

Benny, I want to seriously urge you to take Nihahi's offer, and contact her. Don't think about it, just do it. Close your eyes and jump. Just the fact that she will be there with you will help you feel better, I'm 100% sure. If I was closer, I would have come too just for company. My heart goes out to you, and you are in my thoughts and prayers tonight.

Hey, Benny...I'm popping in from another thread, and I just wanted to tell you that you're in my prayers. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

There are just no words, but we all are forming a huge raft of support and love to keep you afloat. Climb on.

Benny - sending big hugs, you know you have my support - call/email/text - I like the visual of the 'raft of support to keep you afloat' - we are here for you!

It does seem hopeful that they couldn't see anything on ultrasound, doesn't it?

Morwenna - I also felt a big letdown from the BRA - day today. For everybody else - BRA stands for Breast Reconstruction Awareness - I think there were many of us who were there that were 'delayed reconstruction' and yet the focus seemed to be on immediate reconstruction, which was not a possibility in either Morwenna's or my circumstance, as well as probably many others who showed up for the presentation. They had a room for 'show and tell' and I was looking forward to seeing/talking to someone who had a DIEP or TRAM flap but all the volunteers in the room were one surgeons patients and all immediate reconstruction implants. Wonderful of them to volunteer but it would have been nice if the person organizing had arranged for all types of reconstructive surgery to be represented.

There was a big contrast between the general surgeon's discussion with Morwenna vs the plastic surgeon's - the general surgeon did say that the plastic surgeon would have to be the one to help make the decision but he was rather discouraging, it would be disheartening.

I think the worst moment for me was a video at the beginning of the presentation - one of the people on the film said that they wouldn't have been able to stand taking off a prosthesis and seeing it stare them in the face every night - a few of the volunteers with immediate reconstruction implants standing in the aisle beside us were laughing at that and yet that is our reality - not of our own choosing but out of necessity.

Nihahi - re: my back - it is still sore, worse if I walk too much but I seem to be getting used to it - I was thinking more of my husband riding and me watching if we went out to the farm .

Traii - so good to hear that DH's results were clear. So sweet that you have a new nephew - enjoy!

Liefie/Adagio - I don't know if you are on Pinterest but I have found lots of ideas for Quiet Books on there - search 'Quiet Books' if you do use Pinterest. Now I need to narrow down what kind of pages I want in each - for the oldest grandson I think I will go with roads/cars/construction machine type theme, not sure about the other two yet.

Past time that I should be in bed - Benny - thinking/hoping that you took something to help you sleep tonight and that Benny is cuddling in nice and close to bring comfort to you. ((()))

Take care everyone

Morwenna, do you know why the surgeon was so discouraging about a DIEP for you?

As you can see from my signature, I have a similar journey to yours, and I had a DIEP last April.

Websister, I think I would have been moved to walk out when the recon film got to that part and the immediate recon ladies were chuckling. Yes, had I been given a choice, I would have chosen immediate recon. But my circumstances were such that it would have compromised my treatment at the time, and frankly, I'd choose my life over an instant boob replacement.

And when I was wearing it, my prosthetic breast didn't "stare me in the face" at night. It was tucked away in my dresser drawer, with the lights out. I was happy when I had the DIEP surgery, but before then, I was happy that I had a foob I could put in my bra that was specifically designed to help me look and feel normal.

Websister and Morwenna, as a person who had delayed DIEP flap surgery in May this ear, I am mortified that you came away from that presentation so discouraged, and it also saddens me that fun was made of prostheses. It was certainly not a balanced view that was put forth. Morwenna, please don't take that one surgeon's word for it. If you go to the DIEP 2013 thread, you will read there about many women who had delayed DIEP. It is not all plastic surgeons who are qualified or willing to do it, but I am sure the right one for you is out there.

Sbe, thanks for your input here. Come visit us again anytime!

Websister, thanks for the tips re: Quiet books. Will look into that.

Hi honey, I am sorry. Remember what I said. Keep your strength, and, keep positive. You will get through this. And, keep coming here for us too help you get through this. You will get there.

Take Care,

Kaloni

Benny - that really stinks !!! But u got this girlfriend. We are all here with you !!! Geez ur pockets must be sooooo heavy !!! Please let's us know!! Use the help if others and keep ur eye on that guy !!! Everything I can cross is crossed !!! Muah !!!

Good Morning ladies....

Sitting with my cup of coffee, waiting for the sun to come up (as it always does, right). Benny....hope you're feeling the hugs and prayers. Like I told you yesterday, I have nothing on my schedule today and have no problem with coming into Calgary, so I am available. Also, you better keep that promise and contact me at the very least. I get bored easily and if I don't hear from you, I have NO problem with initiating a Search and Rescue mission!!!!!!

sbe.....lurk no more....you are a great fit for these ladies! Pull out an English to North America dictionary for Edi's posts, though, She is too funny!

Morwenna, Websister...it's sounding more and more like that BRA Day was poorly put together and biased. Seriously, a video that upset everyone.....what on earth was the point of that??? I hope someone makes a point of giving some feedback on the day, or it may happen again next time. As I said, I am not on the radar for any followup/support service, being so long ago, but if you want to give my name as someone willing to offer another "point of view", go ahead. I am not a flasher......in case you now wonder about me, but for a few potato chips....I'll lose the shirt for you guys!!!!! Morwenna....you know that a Jan. appt doesn't mean a recon date is close to follow here in Canada, but, it's a step forward. Haven't heard of Dr. Lin before.........is he a Foothills PS? If he doesn't "click for you" it might be worth the wait to get in with either David McKenzie (my guy) or Vim deHaas. I'm not sure if Robert Lindsay is taking on his own patients anymore, but he teamed with McKenzie for my recon. Those 3 docs are the top in Calgary for both microskills and quality of work. Darren Nickerson also is extremely highly thought of, but, with his commitment to the Burn Unit, I'm not sure how he spreads his time elsewhere. I have never met him, but Abby thinks the world of him, so that means a lot I think.

Edi....another day of dancing coming up! woohoo!! Hope the news is good re: hubby's eye. "blighty sun".....does that have any connection to "cracking flags"????? You speak a foreign language to me!!! Too funny.

Watercolour class last night was a bit more productive (again.....snort). At least the instructor recognized my effort as a flower!! I take that as progress!

coffee now gone, light is showing in the sky....off to start another day. Hugs to all!

Benny - sending more hugs, please keep us updated

Morwenna - hope you are feeling better today

Liefie - enjoy your visit with Movie and Skype visit with Edi

Edi - glad things are improving for you for posting here, progress. Hope visit for DH's eye went well and enjoy dancing tonight - hope hip behaves

sbelizabeth - welcome

Nihahi - I can do a few potato chips That is a generous offer. I plan to send my feedback to the organizers. I spent a fir amount of the early night hours reviewing everything in my head. I think that even some of the volunteers may have felt misled. Their cancer experience has been different than many of the people that attended. I believe the lovely volunteer that sat between Morwenna and I began to realize this as the presentation went on. Dr, Lindsay did speak to flap surgery, with pictures of actual surgery and this lady turned to me and said she didn't know why they were talking about 'this' - she seemed quite upset - again not her reality.

Take care everyone

Hey guys, I am not much given to writing "poetry", but this just popped out, so I thought I'd share:

A club that nobody wants to join; exclusive, selective, we, the lucky ones? I think not!

Yet out of the darkness a nourishment flowers-

Human kindness, compassion in the wee small hours.

"The Three a.m. club"! - it is true what they say:

Things ARE much worse without light of the day!

But here, on this website is always on hand

A woman, a comrade, who WILL understand ...

Exactly the feelings we strive to explain,

The fear and the sorrow, the tears and the pain,

But also the moments of triumph and bliss.

Where else but on BC.org find we this?

For some it's a bandaid to help while we heal;

A place we can rant, swear, express how we feel.

For others it may become oh, so much more:

A path paved with friendships to last and endure!

So to all my dear friends, and to those yet to meet,

I send love, and a hope for your healing complete.

xxx