Sexting

Options
jdootoo
jdootoo Member Posts: 253
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts


So, 2 weeks ago, 1 week before I went in for my first PET since diagnosis, I caught my husband "sexting" to a woman. He blew it off as flirting (flirting doesn't bother me) and called me "jealous".


The thing is, they had rapidly moved from Facebooking to email, then talking on the phone. When I intercepted the messages on Facebook, they were making pretty concrete plan to meet up. She had asked him how he would get to her house and whether he could stay the night, and he replied yes.


Some of my friends think this is disgusting and some think it is no big deal since I stopped it before they could meet.


The thing that bothers me the most is the broken trust and the fact that he is unemployed and should be spending time looking for a job. When I gave him an opportunity to come clean, he did not take it. Instead, he waited to see how much I knew before admitting to anything.


My PET came back clear (hurray!) but now I am looking at the future differently, feeling pressured to return to work to support our 2 boys (7 & 11) so I can ask him to move out.


Am I reading too much into this? Has anybody else gone through something like this?


One love, Jackie

· Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Comments

  • bevin
    bevin Member Posts: 1,902
    edited October 2013


    HI Jackie, I know others will be along soon to chime in. I have not had a similar experience, but, I do feel we all need to do what is right for us. Only you can decide if this is a deal breaker and not repairable. I can share my thoughts and I'd certainly not at all want this relationship between your husband and this women to continue. A man being asked to sleep at another womens house and then his accepting only leads to bad things and certainly isn't something married , faithful men do. But of course you know that. Once he knew you had all the details, I'm hoping he offered to seek counseling and end the relationship with this women. It will be very hard for him to gain your trust again but if he wants to earn it and you want to give him the chance too, people have come through betrayals like this. Wishing you peace with your decisions.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • jdootoo
    jdootoo Member Posts: 253
    edited October 2013


    thank you Bevin,


    I actually sent a message to the woman asking her to stop, and she apologized and agreed to stop talking to him. The problem is that I have always trusted him 100%, and was shocked when he held the truth from me.


    We are trying to do an "inhouse separation" since neither of us can afford to move, but he is not taking it very seriously. In fact, I feel that he doesn't take anything seriously enough, including being unemployed. He just figures everything is fine again. Not sure what I am going to do, I am trying to find a decent job so I have better options. @&$* men!!


    One love, Jackie

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • TarheelMichelle
    TarheelMichelle Member Posts: 871
    edited October 2013


    I am so sorry for you. Right now you do not have the financial support of a husband, nor do you have marital intimacy to help you stay strong.


    In time, maybe those areas can be repaired, but right now you need friends and family to lean on. Do you have some who can just hang out with you and your kids? You don't have to share all the details, doing so might interfere with your repair of the marriage. Maybe you can explain to your husband EXACTLY what actions you want to see him engaging in, to show you that your marriage is as important to him as it is to you. For example, attending job networking events, or visiting a job counselor, or even taking a part time job. Let him know what you need. He's the one who did wrong, not you, but you have to be willing to forgive. He hasn't made the best choices, with a sick wife and no job. He has to be willing to do SOMETHING to reassure you that he is dedicated to you. Simply "sticking around the house" doesn't count.


    A divorce attorney once told me that men are notorious for making hookup plans but never actually going through with them. I find that hard to believe but that's what he said. It boosts their ego to think of what they could do, he said. Well to that I say, you need YOUR ego boosted a little, too. Best wishes.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Kruise
    Kruise Member Posts: 330
    edited October 2013


    Jackie, it sounds like your hubby has too much time on his hands and too much time to get into trouble. I'm sorry to say it Hun but I smell a rat. The thing is, putting all that aside, how do you really feel knowing he has/is doing that to you? Can you forgive and forget? In all other aspects is your marriage everything you want? Communication is so important and so is Trust. Is this a wake-up call that things need to change? With all that you have both gone through it's understandable that perhaps some things aren't what they used to be - but in a loving relationship you normally talk about these things and look at ways forward. Take time to work out your feelings and get hubby to start being upfront with you if he still wants a marriage! Good luck xoxox

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • jdootoo
    jdootoo Member Posts: 253
    edited October 2013


    Ronda: What you say is very insightful! I am feeling a bit better about this whole thing, especially after reading what you said about men not usually following through with hookup plans. DH told me that he would never go through with it, but I was having trouble understanding why he would go as far as he did with making plans... thanks for that!


    Kruise: DH is a really great guy... when he is keeping busy! I think that he was just frustrated and was following the lead of the woman. He said he was not feeling good about himself, and this offered a reprive. I guess we will see where things go, I feel like we could be fine if he would find a decent job and keep it. Will have to work on the trust, though, and that will take time.


    Hugs....


    One love, Jackie

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • TarheelMichelle
    TarheelMichelle Member Posts: 871
    edited October 2013


    Let us know how things go. We're all pulling for you. : )

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories