New here - my mum's cancer has just returned

normie45
normie45 Member Posts: 11
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

My mum's breast cancer has returned after 18 years. She had radiotherapy last time and now needs chemo which she will start soon. However she lives in Cyprus and I am in Uk so feel a bit helpless. I know she gets bad days and gets very down but she is a positive person. Unfortunately I cannot be with her but want to be as supportive as I can. Trying to get as much information I can to send to her, but hoping to find practical and positive stuff, I don't want to send her a long list of horrible things to expect. I'd appreciate any advice, help or support going. Thanks.

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  • nowheregirl
    nowheregirl Member Posts: 894
    edited July 2006
    Hi Normie,

    I am so very sorry to hear about your mom. Having cancer return always sucks, especially after having spent such a long time of NED. My heart goes out to you and her.

    Do you know what type of chemo will she be on? And where has her cancer returned? The more information you give us, the more help we can offer. In the meanwhile, I'll be just sending a lot of cyber hugs and positive vibes your and her way. Hang in there.
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  • cowgirl
    cowgirl Member Posts: 777
    edited July 2006

    She needs the basics, and laughter. I personally don't like a negative list either. Food, cleaning, errands will help her most. Cards each week will be a treat. She needs her home a bit simpler until she recovers. Her life just needs to be easy going as she gets through treatment.

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  • normie45
    normie45 Member Posts: 11
    edited July 2006
    Thanks everyone. Timtam - not sure what NED is, mum's cancer has returned on the scar tissue of the radiotherapy she had before. She's at stage of having loads of scans just now to work out chemo doses, but has been told will probably be 6 mths, 1 week ill, 3 weeks ok then go thru it all again. She's putting on a brave face, but know she is really scared. I am too! but thank you Cowgirl, I always try to induce some laughter and that does help a lot for all of us. Mum has great friends and neighbours who I am sure will help out with practical stuff. My stepdad is great and so supportive and positive too, but he's just suffered a second stroke so I do worry a lot about them.

    Mum gets really down sometimes, seriously considered avoiding treatment recently but thankfully is back to her usual fighting self!

    THanks for all your help and advice, mum will be getting cheery cards every week now, and lots of happy news about her grandchildren and great grandson.
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  • nowheregirl
    nowheregirl Member Posts: 894
    edited July 2006
    Your mom's cancer has returned on the scar tissue. Does that mean she's got cancer in the same breast as she had before? If so, my onc said that it's most treatable and that I should get my cancer back in the same breast if I ever have to. I'm glad to hear that she can get a lot of support. She's lucky to have a daughter like you.

    ps: NED stands for No Evidence of Disease.
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  • normie45
    normie45 Member Posts: 11
    edited July 2006

    Thank you Timtam. Yes the cancer is at same site as before. Mum's consultant has told her that this cancer will not be the cause of her death, so that has cheered her up a bit. She's being extra careful about crossing the road now tho!

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  • CathyD2
    CathyD2 Member Posts: 2
    edited July 2006

    Here are some ideas for long distance caring. Send hera fruit of the month club. Send flowers regularly. Send cards regularly. Do phone calls regularly; especially call afteryouknow her schedule of normally good and bad days. Send care packages. My mom always send me boxes filld with banana bread and different homemade cookies. Just ideas, Cathy

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  • cowgirl
    cowgirl Member Posts: 777
    edited July 2006

    Yumm Cathy I wish I was your mom! Great ideas!

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  • normie45
    normie45 Member Posts: 11
    edited August 2006

    Thank you all for all your support. Not been on here lately. Despite mum's op, found out cancer has spread and in her neck now. She had to start high dose chemo that day and she's been quite poorly. She gets a few hours when she feels ok and is making the most of those to get out and do what she would normally do, visit friends, go to parties, go to her favourite places. Mum is scared I know, but I am even worse, I'm doing the burying my head in the sand bit to be honest. I've got the e45 cream she needs for her arm and have found the pink hair dye she wants (she's had her hair cut short and wants to dye it pink). She'll loose her hair quite quickly apparently now and this is what she wants. Now I know where I get my whacky thoughts from!

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  • nowheregirl
    nowheregirl Member Posts: 894
    edited August 2006

    Sorry your mum's cancer has spread in her neck but glad that she is still able to do what she used to do. So is she getting her hair dyed pink? That sounds cool. Losing hair is really hard for some women. If she ever gets depressed, I'll invite her to our forum where we are posting our "bald" pix. It has helped so many of us know we're not alone. PM me if you want the details.

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  • normie45
    normie45 Member Posts: 11
    edited August 2006

    Thanks timtam, mum wouldn't know what to do with a computer let alone a forum! But I think your bald pix forum is a great idea. Mum lost her hair before the dye got there, but she has a lovely collection of sequined scarves.

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