Fall 2013 Rads

honeybair - Have you been somewhere in you past that brings you peace? When I lie on the rad table I close my eyes and go to the beach. I pretend the noises are waves and the lights are the sun. Try to remove yourself from the moment and be somewhere else. I must admit, there are times I have had tears because I am overwhelmed by what is happening but I remember this is all just a blip in my life and the best is yet to come.

I have surprised myself by doing the same thing. I use those 5 minutes to relax and dream. Only had 3 treatments but today I was much more comfortable with the treatment.

Sending relaxing vibes to you for easier treatments to come.

Have a great weekend, relax and enjoy yourself and don't worry about next week.

honeybair- thanks for the info. I guess that answers my wondering why no burn ara on my implant breast or uderarm, just neck and above boob front and back. It kinda rattles me that they didn' t explain this to me. The node under the collar bone was where the return BC area is.

Hugs to everyone getting ready to start or in midst.6 weeks sounds like a long time but it WILL pass soon. For me the fatigue and mental stress was worse than the physical. I am 2 weeks post now and finally seeing the light coming thru. I maybe had 1 bad week of burning. It is starting to ease off now w/ peeling some. As soon as it is less tender than I will do more skin repair type cream. The area at the back of my neck was the worst and had to tie my hair in wet ponytail after each shower. I decided to let my colored hair grow out the gray , ar least for now..ha. ( OK I' m 65 but refuse to look it ) I really do empathise w/ any of you doing chemo first. So hard to do especially if you have to work . I did chemo 7 years ago and kept working thru it . ( I needed my insurance ) Still RADS is no cup of tea ( or Java) so enjoy your pumpkin latte's ladies.

My life-saver read was and still is " Dr Susan Love" newest edition.

.not working anymore or me.

Just out of curiosity - has anyone photodocumented their journey?

Yay, Lili....

Congrats! & enjoy your relax time!

Funny you mention the nausea... When I brought it up last week, they poo-poo'd it was from rads... It's gone now, but I wonder why they dismiss what we tell them so often....

My skin is finally feeling pretty tender. Gonna do some shopping tomorrow for several SOFT tanks to wear for the rest of the duration. The inside isn't feeling any worse, though, and I'm grateful. One thing I noticed while lubing the boob after my shower this morning was like skin flakes coming off when I was puting on the colandula cream.... Agh! And I feel tiny bumps... I'm only 16 of 33... & hope to hang in there to the end.

When my tech saw me today he says, " ooh you look toasty already!".... GREAT! Haha

Hope everyone has a good weekend!.... We're almost done. Right?

Lorrie

16/33

Finally received the oncotype yesterday and the news that I can avoid chemo. I was so relieved that I took the rest of the day off to just enjoy. I many of you made it through chemo - I was having trouble dealing with the not knowing and lack of a definitive plan. Now on Monday I go in for CT and planning for radiation, with actual radiation starting the following week. I think I am ready - mostly from reading these posts of you all who are days and weeks ahead on me.

Question to everyone... anyone experience nausea? I've had 4 nukes, and woke up this morning a little queasy... had a cup of coffee and some biscuits, and seem to be going downhill. I have some phenigren (sp) but it makes me loopy, and I have work to do around here!

Anyone?

Congrats lili and Jacksmom!

I'll be starting rads on Monday. I had my final (3rd) stage planning on Thursday. I had to hold my left arm over my head (I still have limited range of motion since my mastectomy and reconstruction) and turn my head at an awkward position for 2 1/2 hours while they did more breath studies and xrays. It was awful. About two hours into it I started cramping up and tears started pouring down. Luckily my doctor is warm and fuzzy and came right out to hold my hand and talk to me.

I'm just so surprised by all the emotions this is causing me. Hopefully starting rads will get me used to the procedure and what to expect.

Have a wonderful weekend all!

I was fortunate to get to avoid chemo - I was terrified of it from all I've read. Surgery was ok - I felt good getting it taken care of. But radiation has really been hard on my emotions. I'm "ok" for a couple of days and then I fall flat on my face for a few days. I'm only going on day 8 on Monday. Both weekends (incl now!) hve been really hard and emotional. I haven't cried during treatment yet - it helps being chatty with the techs, and during the treatment I've been able to keep myself from thinking too deeply. Seeing the dietician sent me over the edge though - she was the first one to show concern over my weight loss (35lbs since dx in July).

For those of you a little further along, when exactly did you start really noticing redness and soreness?

Dear ItIsWhatItIs - a very stoic name!

You might want to forgive your children for not understanding your pain but it doesn't make you hurt any less.

They are young. When they are parents they will understand. But ....

Why wait until then? The only way that you will make them understand what you are going through is by sharing with them and not trying to protect them from harm or hardship.

I so feel for the way you write. All you want is a litte recognition of your pain and suffering.

Maybe you can start talking more about your feelings and fears with your kids. Maybe you haven't had any of the tough conversations Moms have with kids after their diagnosis cause your girls are old enough to avoid asking you tough questions in order not to burden you - but then they also start to feel that everything is fine because Mom is carrying on as usual.

Stop protecting them from hardship and pain (especialy yours) and let them see its ugly face so that they learn to recognize it and sympathise with you. That sounds weird - what I mean to say is sometimes we try to help our children so much we don't let them develop the skills they need to be decent human beings.

Before my surgery my husband, mother and 2 children were sitting around my bed waiting with me. I had already had a wire stuck in me (what fun that was) and 4 isotope shots around my nipple (really it wasn't so bad but it scared the hell out of me). Then it was a two hour wait to surgery time. So I was being happy and cheerful for everyone's sake but the butterflies in my stomach were turning into dragons!

I suddenly realized that I was asking too much of myself. I have cancer, waiting for surgery and I'm cheering everyone else up so that they don't have to suffer? I stopped the joviality paused and announced like the nervous little human I was at that moment that I was scared silly and wanted to run away so the doctor wouldn't find me.

To my amazement my daughter just stood up, climbed onto the bed next to me, took my hand and lay there with me for the next half hour.

Point is if I hadn't shared, in a non complaining voice, my kids would never have known what I was going through and wouldn't have had the chance to comfort me.

Maybe just tell your girls next time they tell you to buck up that you got cancer and that sucks and sometimes you are going to be having a pity party and all you need is a hug. Once you get the hug tell them it made you feel so much better and then next time after the hug give them a household chore to do too.

Tell your girls (and partner,parents/relatives/friends) flat out that rads has got you feeling down and you need their help to find your big girl panties. Promise them that with their help you will get through it and bounce back to being SuperMom but you are hanging up your cloak until rads is over.

I also wanted to share with you thinking about rads as self inflicted harm. I am terrified of doing rads! My sister-in-law is a homeopath and makes me feel like I am a lunatic for even considering it as a treatment. On Saturday I met a homeopath who had BC a few years ago and she was asking me about my treatment. When I mentioned my fears about rads she told me - without mincing words at all - "Don't be stupid. You don't argue with the body of research showing lumpectomy and rads is the way to go." You just do it - get it over with and live." And then she looked at my SIL (who is her friend) and she said: "And if anyone, anyone, makes you feel bad about rads - stay away from that peron for as long as you need to."

I have decided not to be stoical about cancer. My kids know I am gung-ho about it but they also know I think it sucks big time that I got this disease and that although I intend being tough and doing everything I can to fight it - sometimes I am going to be a wreck and need their help one way or another.

Maybe tell your daughters you need some cheering up and try do something you enjoy together after rads one day.

Or just take the time to do something you like.

16/33 - you are almost over the half way mark and soon you will be hitting the home stretch and then done.

Hang in there Lorrie.

If you survived raising 3 girls you CAN DO ANYTHING!

Gentle hugs

Bounce, thank you so much for all that you said - I think you helped a lot of us. Only my husband and very close friends know how hard it is. Everyone else thinks all is well - they've even commented on seeing me smiling and laughing. I'm glad that I'm not appearing all mopey, because that's more what I'm feeling inside. I cry in the shower every morning. Reading about your daughter comforting you made me cry - but I quickly fight it all back because I don't want my 9 year old to see it. But maybe I should look for more ways to use my experience as a teaching tool. I certainly do want him to grow up to be empathetic.

Lorrie, I too feel your pain. I have a 16 year old son and a 20 year old daughter and although they are old enough to be helpful and caring towards their mom, as teenager and young adult they are too wrapped up in themselves to think about what I am going through. And perhaps they are scared and just want things to go back to normal. My kids have been acting out with bitterness and hostility regarding household chores and don't have much empathy these days. I had the "Disney" movie version picture of everyone rallying around mom in her time of need, and that couldn't have been further from the truth. I've talked to both kids and tried to keep the lines of communication open, but my kids have pulled back and prefer not to talk about what I'm going through. Occasionally they will rise to the occasion of asking if I need help and my daughter does have her moments of trying to cheer me up or show support. But those moments are far and few between!

But it's okay and I know we'll get past this. They too have their own ways of dealing with things. It's not how I wish they would be and it adds more stress to this nuclear family, but I look at it as just part of the crummy year of cancer treatment! Everyone has gone a little nuts!

Bounce- Loved your advice to ItisWhatitis. You have an incredible gift of putting into words what we all are thinking or feeling as we make our way through this difficult journey. I too have two daughters and they react so differently to me and my BC. So your advice really struck a chord. I have a hard time showing my true emotions in front of others and feel like to friends and family I wear a happy/strong woman mask and inside I am completely scared, stressed and very emotional. My sister told me the same thing you said - right now this is about me - I need no additional stress added to my life and I need to treat ME well and do the things that make me happy and able to forget albeit for a short time that I am dealing with things we don't wish on anyone else! Thank you for helping me and others through this with such wisdom. Hugs to all, Marilyn

Hi Rainrday13,

I start tomorrow 10/14. I have my simulation followed by a treatment. That saves me a trip. I've got 20 txs as I am a candidate for hypofractionation. I've stocked up on aloe gel. Best of luck to you! Keep us posted.

Gracers

Bounce... Thank you for your post! It's almost as if you were inside my head... I feel like I should send you a check for a great therapy session! Haha

I cherish the support we all find here.... From those who know, for the most part, what we are going through....When this is all said and done, I know I will never forget that these threads are probably what helped me the most....

Hope everyone has a great week!