The Joy's of Cancer and Family...

The joy's of cancer and family......( a bit long)

So I stopped speaking with one of my sister Julie November 24, 2011, one week after my diagnosis because of the cruel and painful things she, her husband and daughter said.  I found out I lost my cousins this past holiday season when I reached out to them to see if they wanted to get our children together for the holidays - 4 emails and no responses.  This weekend I lost my other sister Beth who was by my side during all of my treatments and surgery.  By the way all these losses occured because of my sister Julie and her family.  All of these people are on her side - alhtough they say there are no sides...

My son Noah - her godson - was in a musical this weekend.  I found out that my sister Beth was planning on seeing the show (which was fine) and bringing along my sister Julie who bought herself a ticket.  I also found out that my sister Beth informed my children that Julie would be at the show.  After my sister Julie found out I was going to be there - duh who doesn't attend all of their children's shows, plus I always work them - she decided not to attend.  I was extremely upset that one Julie felt the need to attend this show as in the years we were speaking she never showed an interest in my children, she attended one of her godsons benefits (he has a medical condition) and decided she needed to attend other things for other people during for others.  She attended one performance that my husband was in for his theatre group but never attended any that my children were in including her godson.  There was a time when I would say her name to my kids and they would respond with "Who's Aunite Julie again"  I'd have to say Maddie and KayKay's mom.  I do not understand why she feels the need to be involved now and I have a big problem with her just showing up and not going through me.  It's a public event but he's my kid.

I was more upset at the fact that my sister Beth knew about this and even more upset that she had spoken to MY children about it.  After asking my boys about it I found out they were uncomfortable and that's why they didn't tell me!

I wanted to talk to my sister in person the night of the show but didn't have a chance before and felt after was not the right time so I sent her an email.  I hate email becaue it's very difficult to project tone so I tried very hard to say I didn't want to fight and I was tired of fighting.  I listed 6 things that bothered me about the situation and also listed what I expected to happen in place of those 6 things when it comes to my family.  I stated that anything outside those perameters would not be acceptable.  I ended it with the fact that our lives are very happy and stress free and have been for the past 1 1/2 yrs and we have no desire to change it or the people in it.  I also said I hoped she would cointinue to be a part of ourlives because we enjoy having her in our family and we just can't have her involved in things that bring negativity to our family.

Her response was: "if I didn't look at the time of this email I would think it was a drunken email" and that I needed to get my facts straight before i put my hands to the keyboard.  She stated that I should be proud of myself for taking away my children's Auntie Beth and that I needed professional help.  (By the way I got it and they told me my family were the crazy ones not me and I had/have to keep reminding myself of that)

This got my husband and I into a fight and upset me so badly that I ended up hyperventalating and almost having to go to the hospital.  I've never hyperventalated in my life!

I was not at all surprised by her saying get your facts straight but then never giving me the facts.  My husband then tried to call her but she wouldn't answer her phone so he emailed her and asked what the facts were.  He then told her she was not welcome to contact us and that he couldn't allow everyone to continue to hurt me.

Her response was pretty much exactly what we thought the facts were accept Julie bought the her own ticket - but to me they were going together same thing.  She then said my husband needs mental help.

We are very sad as she and our Noah, her godson are extremely close but we can not allow him to spend time with her because we now can't trust what she will say to him.  It's heartbreaking and we have no idea how to tell Noah.

I just don't understand why they can't see what they are doing to me.  I don't understand why if someone didn't want you in their life you would try to sneak into it.  I just want them all to stay away from me and my children.  We have wonderful friends and our little family is very close.  I'm at the point that if this doesn't work we are going to have to move and not tell anyone where we go so they can't continue to hurt us.  The only problem is my Mom lives with us and it would leave her on her own and they don't call or visit her. 

I just don't understand these people - would't normal people want to explain themselves and feel bad for hurting someone?  Wouln't a normal people offer the facts instead of just saying get them straight?  I guess I have to keep saying my mantra my shrink told me "they are the crazy ones not me, they are the crazy ones not me"