Stage 3 Sisters - Your Input Needed

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peacestrength
peacestrength Member Posts: 690
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

Dear Stage 3 Sisters,

Hi Ladies - I would value your input on the following question: How did you move on after treatment?



Thanks much!

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  • jennyboog
    jennyboog Member Posts: 1,322
    edited September 2013

    Slow, very slow and lots of praying.  I wish I could offer some magic words of advice but personally I struggled.  It was a very hard time for me, I felt like my life was a snowglobe that had just been shook and I was left to sort it all out.  My hubby was in the military so, I was dx one place & started tx, moved, bought a house, finished tx there, moved my grandmother with alzheimers in with us and my marriage was on the brink of over.  Mentally I was not in a good place....I was angry, bitter and depressed.  Looking back, I never delt with BC, I just went through the motions of it.  And probably tried to stay busy to forget what had just happened to me and keep my mind off it.  But all I did was add more stress to the already fragile situation and the fear was there too.  I was trying to show myself and others I'm good see what I can handle, someone with BC couldn't do all this.  It took me going back to work and Effexor to get right again.  I'll never be the "old me" again but I'm ok with that now.  I'm a new improved version, just short a set of boobs :)  I've adjusted to things with time, it's amazing how time can do that.  I don't think of BC constantly anymore and thats a huge load off.  I refuse to play victim to it anymore, it took enough from me.  I can't control it nor when and if it returns, I've slowly come to a peace about that.  Don't get me wrong I still feel and area over and over or wonder about that pain but it doesn't consume me anymore.  It will get better, a lot of us say that but it's true.  I'm not sure where you are with tx but I hope my rambling helped and that you find your peace soon.  Coming here often helps too.  Hugs.

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  • Karina121293
    Karina121293 Member Posts: 370
    edited September 2013

    I can so agree with what Jenny said!!! We are all different, but the fear and emotions are pretty much the same for everyone. Time is the healer. I remember the winter after my active treatment I would stay in PJs all day long, hiding from the world, comsumed with fear, reading and thinking only about cancer, pretending everything is fime to others, but crying inside myself. But human body has it's own ways. You get tired of being scared and something just awakens inside to give the strength to move on. 

    Expect to struggle, but know, that you will get there, where thoughts about cancer are not your companions every second. Go with the flow. Take each day as it comes and allow yourself to recover from what you have been through. One day you will find yourself in a lot better state.

    Wish you all the best.

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  • pupfoster1
    pupfoster1 Member Posts: 1,484
    edited September 2013

    Wow, great question, and well put.  Simple and to the point.  Each person is different.  I think keeping busy is VERY important.  Too much time on your hands is a bad thing.  And try to balance your life between being here on BCO and other cancer related issues.  I am NOT saying to leave of course, but sometimes we can become overly obsessed and cancer becomes our main focus in life. Perhaps for some that may be a good thing, but for me personally, I can't let it be.  I want to be as "normal" as normal can be for me now. And like Jenny said, if you need help, go get it!  There is NOTHING wrong with a med and some therapy if it can get you back on track.

    Be good to yourself.

    Sharon

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  • peacestrength
    peacestrength Member Posts: 690
    edited April 2015

    Each of your responses are like oinment to my wounded heart. I'm just starting to mentally pickup the shattered pieces of my life - much to sort through. I am different today than I was 6 months ago.



    I'm just 2 weeks out from bmx and will start PT soon. Radiation is on the horizon as well.



    Please keep your responses coming - valuable and precious.




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  • weesa
    weesa Member Posts: 707
    edited September 2013

    KJ--I just sorta picked up my life where I had left it off after treatment. No special effort.

    What I was realy writing about here is to tell you how similar our diagnoses are and our treatments. And I have been just fine for almost 11 years despite some bad habits! weesa

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  • hopefour
    hopefour Member Posts: 459
    edited September 2013

    Wow...there are times I have wanted to log in and ask this question as I feel, at times, the pressure of living post cancer is overwhelming and I want someone to tell me how to do this ...no one really can! 

    In the beginning I lurked on these boards, as I so feared making a fool of myself by writing something dumb..yep..chemo brain and feeling unsure of myself. I now join in which has been a strength for me. When I am busy with life and a wave hits I find comfort in curling up in my over stuffed chair and logging in to hear from all of you...that eases the wave of fear and uncertainty.

    After treatment I wanted someone to tell me that BC would never come back. I figured with all the pink there were more answers...I was wrong! So I read as much I could, researched and visited different doctors and made decisions that I HOPE will help me survive. After treatment I began a routine each day of supplements, foods and exercise that brings me a calm in doing...might all be worthless...but I feel so much better which helps me stay more positive!

    There was a time when I had to be careful with what I listened to or read...if the last thing I read or heard was positive I was doing great....if it was negative I was in despair and fear! As time went on I became stronger and not as easily influenced either way. 

    At first I felt I was one of the weak ones, struck down with breast cancer, to be pitied, and was grieved I brought this into my children's lives. But, I see on these boards some of the most wise, caring, strong woman that I have come to admire ( especially our stage IV sisters) and I realize breast cancer isn't for the faint of heart...we all are over comers, survivors, fighters...we all have earned the hard earned gift of empathy...a wonderful strength to live life with and give to each other.

    I think breast cancer showed most of us how much we want to be here, but I think it also showed us that we don't want to just exist. As I came out of survival mode after treatment and tried to contain the fear, I realized that I wanted more joy. Joy that would top the sorrow I had known through breast cancer. I think the shadow of fear will lurk in the darkness of our minds on any given day, but I do find that the joy of life is taking more of my thoughts and I am thankful!


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  • jennyboog
    jennyboog Member Posts: 1,322
    edited September 2013

    Peacestrength...you are still so early into this.  Don't expect things to bounce back like nothing happened and don't try to force things either.  It will take time to deal with all that has happened.  The chemo and drugs don't help our emotions either...it makes things worse when you don't feel good.  Take each day as it comes and before you know it you'll be years out, each day is one farther away from dx.  If you feel you are not in a good place though seek help, don't suffer through it. Best wishes with rads, much easier then chemo.

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  • wintersocks
    wintersocks Member Posts: 922
    edited September 2013

    Hello Ladies,

    I have had my final 3 month check today and all seems ok. Seems like I don't know either how to live post-cancer.

    I cannot settle. I should feel pleased that I was NED - but I am scared now that I am on 6 months check. I am shattered now. 

    I started a course this week and have not told anyone just in case I am not around to take the exaM.  It feels to presumptious to assume I wil be. 

    Will I continue in this way? 

    Jennyboog, you do give me some hope. 

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  • peacestrength
    peacestrength Member Posts: 690
    edited April 2015

    Weesa - we do have similar dx's. Did/do you use tamoxifin? You give me hope with being out many years.



    Jennyboog - I appreciate your encouragement and hope. Thank you.



    Hopefour - Your words ring so much truth and compassion. I got teary eyed.



    Wintersocks - Your concern is understandable even though I'm not there yet. I have been having difficulty with being done with chemo - I feel like at least it was systemically treating me. With surgery two weeks ago and radiation soon, I am uncomfortable with waiting to start taking tamoxifin. I talked with my MO today and the standard of care is to begin tamoxifin after rads.



    I LOVE each of you sharing - please continue to share your stories. I know from talking with other women, the question of how to carry on after treatment is a big one.




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  • Momine
    Momine Member Posts: 7,859
    edited September 2013

    It is still a work in progress. Right now I am trying to figure out where the reasonable line is between "prudence" and "hypochondria." It is not easy.

    However, from a practical point of view, I started working out as soon as I was done with rads. I walked a lot all through treatment, but once I was really done, I joined a gym and started going 3X a week or so. It helped me regain my strength and it helped me relax. I am still doing it 18 months later.

    I also got a real hair dresser on my side for the first time in my life. I used to have monster-long hair and feared hair dressers, so I typically chopped a chunk off myself every so often. Now I go for regular cuts and try to keep my hair nice. It is part of turning the effects of treatment into positives.

    Other than that, I buy a lot of shoes ;). Works for me. I agree with the comment about joy further up. It helps me to look for joy actively. 

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  • katyand4
    katyand4 Member Posts: 171
    edited September 2013

    I'm just a couple days short of being a 2 yr. survivor of BC so I'm still a little new at this but post treatment like a lot of ladies have said keeping busy and for me controlling only what I can control.  I eat better, exercise on a regular basis and drink less.  But I also want to live life so if I want a cheat day I have it because let's face it I could do everything right and have a reoccurence or everything wrong and nothing will happen.   I'm still scared and yes I do think about it but keeping busy and active works for me.  One day at a time.  Katy 

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  • Lily55
    Lily55 Member Posts: 3,534
    edited September 2013

    WS dont forget femara messes your emotions up too.......and you have had a lot of extra stuff to deal with too.....

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  • wallan
    wallan Member Posts: 1,275
    edited October 2013

    Hey there:

    I was a wreck for years after my diagnosis. Years! But its been 9 1/2 years now NED and I feel terrific. For the last 3 years or so, I have been relatively happy and rarely think about BC these days.

    I never did have reconstruction, so I put in a prosthesis every day and wish my cleavage was "normal". But I can laugh at having only one boob now and I feel grateful to be alive.

    I was 41 when dx and devastated. I had 7.5 cm tumor, hormone positive, positive lymph nodes... grade 3... I thought I was dead. But, I'm not. 

    I no longer live with fear of every ache and illness being the return of the beast. I no longer mope and think why me? I am grateful to be alive. 

    It happened slowly with lots of support.. all from BC sisters, like on these boards. And time. Time does heal.

    I wish you wellness and joy.

    Wendy

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  • karen1956
    karen1956 Member Posts: 6,503
    edited October 2013

    one day at a time.....it does get easier with time....

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