Surgery anxiety

romyles · September 2013

I am set for a bilateral mastectomy Thursday. I was diagnosed with DCIS in the left breast and had an episode of bleeding from the right breast prior to the follow up mammogram. They did a mammo and ultrasound on the right and found only a small cyst. After confirming DCIS on the left they did an MRI which shows 2 small mass areas on the right and a larger than expected area on the left. I was totally cool with the BMX until Friday--it hit me like a ton of bricks. I want to save my life but I'm having weird anxiety about the surgery. Is there any way to psych yourself up for the post-op change? I am also scared to death of what happens with path--the what if it's more than they expect? What if it's escaped the ducts? Any pre-op pep talks out there?

ww3354 · September 2013

Romyles, It sounds like what you are experiencing is perfectly normal to me. As hard as it may be please try to take one step at a time and live only in the present. Most worries never become a reality, so don't waste your energy on them. In the meantime I will hold you close in my positive thoughts. Please be in touch when the surgery is behind you.

Starmusic · September 2013

Hi Romyles,

What you are describing was me a month ago, except I was devastated and kicking and screaming at first, then came to peace with it. I was so sad for the breast that was going to be cut off. I had a "funeral" for it....thought of all the wonderful times....three beautiful baby boys nourished and loved....

Two weeks now after UMX. It went very well. I tried to breathe and relax, and had a lot of support and love. I will send you healing thoughts....tomorrow is it? So sorry you have to go through this...

keepthefaith · September 2013

romyles

We all think the worst at some point. I guess it's part of the process. I haven't had to go through what you are, but I wish you the best in your surgery, recovery and healing.

My daughter sent this to me today:

"This too, shall pass:

When things are bad, remember it won't always be this way. Take one day at a time.

When things are good, remember, it won't always be this way. Enjoy every great moment. "

Ariom · September 2013

Hi Romyles!

Just wanted to wish you all the best for your surgery. I understand how you are feeling. We don't do fear of the unknown very well:)

I did something similar to Starmusic. I was absolutely terrified, the night before my surgery. I decided I needed to "disconnect" from my right breast. I know this isn't for everyone, but I actually spoke to my breast, and said "You've let me down, you have to go!" as silly as that may sound, it worked for me. I felt a calm come over me that remained with me.

I arrived for my SNB, very early next morning. This was something I actually feared even more than the Mx. I breezed through it, and then went straight up to surgery. I really felt so confident, almost bullet proof! It was amazing.

I managed to talk with my surgeon and anaesthetist before the surgery, and then when I woke, I still felt great. I didn't need any pain meds. I would describe it as a surgery of strange sensations, not painful.

I had a couple of small issues, during the healing process, but they were easily managed. I really didn't have a bad day during the whole thing.

Just listen to your body, you'll be tired, you'll feel yourself "hit the wall" in the afternoon for a while, but it gets better and you'll be feeling stronger before you know it.

The wait for your final pathology is a trying time, but hopefully you'll get a report that it's pure DCIS.

I have to say that the most surprising part of all this, for me, is the way I feel now. I truly do see things a little differently, as hokey as it may sound, I don't let myself stress like I used to, and I don't sweat the small stuff. I call it the "New Normal!" and it isn't bad!

As far as the decision to remove my right breast is concerned, I would do it again in a heartbeat. Just as I will remove the left one if there is ever any issue with it.

I decided against recon, and it was absolutely the right decision for me, I have a whole wardrobe of foobs, boobs, bras, camis, even a prosthesis that adheres to your skin. You name it, I have it covered!

I wish you all the very best for the surgery, and your final pathology. You will be fine, just try to take it easy and be kind to yourself.

Let us know how you're doing. It won't be long and you'll be over here on the other side of it. (((HUGS))))

lisagwa · September 2013

Romyles: it is thurs evening and I read your post a few minutes ago. Please know you are wished the best. Most of us have been down similar paths. Try to occupy your mind with a book, magazine, crossword, or simply sleep it off. You will recover from surgery in your own time and then figure out your next step one day at a time. (Hugs)

romyles · September 2013

Thanks everyone for the info. I had my surgery--BMX with SNB. She took 3 nodes and they were negative at that point. My path should be back around Wednesday of this week. I was not at all prepared for all the muscle spasms. I had terrible post-op nausea and vominting which put loades of stress on my incision. Did any of y'all have negatives that were actually positive on the path report?

Ariom · September 2013

romyles, so glad you are through to the other side of the surgery. So sorry to hear you had a rough time with the vomiting after it. I hope they gave you something to get it under control fairly quickly.

I found it to be a surgery of "strange sensations". I didn't have any pain per se, and was well prepared for the sensation of nerves trying to reattach themselves. I also felt a significant burning sensation on my skin.

I did the exercises religiously, and massaged the incision twice a day, then used "ScarFx" silicons strips to flatten and take the color of the incision down.

No surprises for me in the final Pathology, and I wish you the same!

Take care!

Blessings2011 · September 2013

I had a huge positive surprise in my final pathology report: they found no invasive cancer!

I'd had seven different biopsies and diagnostic procedures prior to my BMX. The dx came back multifocal DCIS and multifocal IDC in the left breast. Granted, the IDC was small: one tumor was half a millimeter, and the other tumor was one and a half millimeters. But it was detected, independently, by at least two of the procedures.

However, in the final path report, all they found was DCIS. I asked where the IDC had gone, and the doc said sometimes the biopsy gets it all. I prefer to believe I was healed....

hoping42 · September 2013

THAT is absolutely wonderful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (:

Moderators · September 2013

Blessings, great news! We're happy IDC has gone.

Best wishes,

The Mods

cjc1961 · October 2013

To Ariom ~ I am guessing your surgery was easy because you didn't have recon with TE. A friend of mine had BMX and said she really had no pain at all so I think the pain comes from cutting the pec muscle and it being stretched for the TE.

Regarding your SNB, I too am dreading the injections as most say it is awful. I was told my injections would be in the side of the breast and not the nipple where most have it. What was your experience with the injections?

Blessings,

Cheryl

cjc1961 · October 2013

Blessings2011 ~ I am set for BMX with SNB and TE this Thursday. I am scared to death. How was your surgery and do the TE hurt? How about the dye injection for the SNB? I just need some reassurances but feel free to be completely honest.

Cheryl

Ariom · October 2013

Hi Cheryl, yes, I am sure you're right about the TE's being the culprit for the terrible pain many women feel after this surgery.

I always say I was incredibly lucky, just one boob and no recon:)

I was terrified of the SNB, far more than the Mx, because I had heard so many horror stories. My Surgeon was very surprised when I told him how afraid I was of it. He said he hadn't known it to be a very painful procedure and I could have whatever I wanted, medication or numbing if I felt I needed it.

I am absolutely clueless as to why people feel the need to share their worst stories of procedures, when you are about to have the same thing done.

For me, it was absolutely painless. It turned out that the Tech who was doing the SNB for me wasn't authorised to do numbing injections, and I hate taking meds, so I opted out and had nothing even though after a phone call, my surgeon offered to come in and give me the shot.

I had four needles in the nipple, and then the scan. The tracer wasn't moving too well, so I had to spend quite some time massaging to get it moving to the node. Each time we would do another scan, and I'd massage for another 15 minutes and scan again. Finally, my tech ran out with the picture in the air shouting "We've got it!".

I must say, the Tech was just fantastic, he had told me it may be painful, but he would talk me through it, and I could call him any name I wanted to! He said he was in awe of the women he saw before their surgery, that he wanted to make it as easy as possible for them. I think having the confidence in him made a difference too.

I know there are people who have a bad experience with this procedure, I don't know what it is that decides what our experience will be, but I wish you all the very best and hope you are back here with an experience just like mine. Take care!

romyles · October 2013

cjc1961 this may be too late for your surgery but I like Ariom had been scared to death the 2 days before surgery. I realize now 2 months post diagnosis and 1month post surgery that I was on auto pilot....I went about the day pushing reality to the back of my mind. I'd have spells where I would bust out crying and immediately talk myself down and not let myself think negative. For me I've always been a fighter but this involved my precious children that needed their mama... I knew I could fight but what about my babies. That's what would pull me down..thinking about them and I just couldn't let myself do it. So the night before surgery it was almost like a peace came over me...tomorrow the beast comes out of my body, this is what it takes to do it now suck it up. Morning of I was up and on the road to the hospital at 4 am(hospital is 2 hr away). I was very positive and my fear of SNB and surgery was gone...I was like let's get this show on the road. The injections did not bother me at all....this shocked the radiologist but I think I was so emotionally disconnected that I wouldn't allow pain. It will be fine. Hindsight I wish I had mourned the loss of my breasts prior to surgery....stopped auto pilot and realized it was going to be a true loss..that thought never occurred to me until 2 days before surgery. I went out for the first real time in my hometown since surgery this weekend(4 wks post op). I spent 2 hours at my children's school event where I felt like I was on display because everyone stopped to talk and offer their condolences. By the end of the night I was in tears...for the first time I realized I was no longer the old large breasted person...I was now less than 1/2 the size ( I have TEs with 500 ml) but still feel flat and it seemed everybody looked at my chest first. I came home and cried like a baby but I needed to. I had put my feelings away for as long as my psych was going to allow. The next morning I woke up and the fighter was back with the attitude of the beast is in a jar somewhere, Im alive and so what if they look at my chest in a few months I'll have nice normal sized perky breasts ( hopefully the ones I always dreamed of since my former breasts were not perky or happy at all). Try to see the good but let yourself grieve.

Surgery anxiety

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