Chemo May 2013
Comments
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Thanks Kate, thanks Lorrie!
I have always been a "all things in order" kind of person.
My fathers passing made me realize I am not in order! Lol
I keep telling myself it will be someone else's problem. Which goes against how I do things.
Well, if I do get my shit together it will be less to do WHEN I survive this surgery!
Glad so many are felling so much better.
As I told a friend when this journey (ordeal) began...this is merely a HUGE INCONVENIENCE.
I'm already looking in the rear view mirror at chemo.....the distance is getting greater.
Yeah!
Pat -
I went MIA for the weekend but just got caught up on what I missed. I too am glad there isn't a like button, I like hearing what Pat and everyone else has to say. I also had some family issues this weekend. All I have to say is that mothers of the bride need to remember it is the brides wedding and not theirs. The mother wanted everything her way and wouldn't even listen to what the bride was telling her. OMG!
I went to the PS for my last 100 CC fill in my TE today. Then we scheduled my exchange and lift surgery. He only works at the hospital my insurance likes on the first and third Thursday of the month. So on 10/3 he isn't going to be working so I have to wait until 10/17. I just don't see how I can work five weeks of rads in before the end of the year unless I do rads now then the surgery. But even then I don't see how it would work, he wants to wait a minimum of four weeks before my final surgery (nipple and any touch ups that might be neccessary on either breast). He really threw me a curve ball. Is this a sign that I'm not supposed to do rads? I still have such mixed emotions about it, that damn gray area!!!
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Just got home from great weekend at beach. Woke up with major anxiety this morning. I start rads tomorrow. Have enjoyed these 6 weeks feeling mostly normal and daily rads has me feeling out of sorts. Suspect I will be mess of tears tomorrow. Luckily hubby will be able to take me to the first one. I know this is easier than chemo but still has me rattled.
Lisa -
Teresa...good luck with the surgery. Wish I had some advice as to what to do about rads. I can say that perhaps you should make two lists. Rads vs. no rads and put two columns on each list "Pros". "Cons". And write the answers below each column.
So would look like this
Rads. No rads
Pros. Cons. Pros. Cons
When you are done writing in the pros and cons on each paper the answer might become crystal clear. Sometimes you need to assign values to those pros and cons...like on a scale of 1-10 for importance. That will usually clarify things too.
I use the above for major decisions. Usually I roll the ideas and pros, cons in my head and drive myself crazy with it. Once i write it down using the above method it seems to be a no brainer.
Lisa,
Good Luck tomorrow. I will be thinking of you. Do you have anything to calm your nerves? If you do...gulp, gulp!
Pat -
Good luck tomorrow Lisa......
Got my second zap today and all went smoothly.... I freaked on Friday (1st one)
I may have shed 1 tear today, but that's about it... In & out in about half hour. That includes undressing and dressing afterward.
2/28 done!
Lorrie -
Hello Ladies,
Well at almost 5 weeks pcf, I have started bruising (larger purple bruise on arm-don't remember hitting it against anything) They keep telling me my blood labs are good so what gives? Also am starting to lose my toenails.....really? now, so long after chemo? I guess it's the gift that keeps on giving - yikes!
Annie
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Thanks for your suggestion Pat, I will work on that....probably not until this weekend but excellent idea.
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Teresa, I had to go re read what wi wrote, couldn't remember lol.
I see it didn't print the way I wrote...but you get the idea.
Also helps to carry the paper with you as there will be times "another good reason" pops in your head out of no where...and we all know what happens if we wait to write it down. Well, it happens to me! Lol
Annie,
Sorry to hear about your toenails. Mine are polished. I'm afraid to have a pedicure. I did two after chemo was done...first one wasn't very comfortable....2nd one I swear she was ripping out my toenails....so I have left it alone....I'm afraid to see what lurks under the polish.
Google care of your toe beds to make sure you are doing whatever needs to be done to help it along.
Pat -
Annie I lost my 10th fingrrnail Saturday 6 weeks Pfc. Thought I would keep that last one. Hopefully nails will grow faster than hair. Speaking of hair...all of a sudden most of my brows are missing.
1st rad went fine today. Xanax helped but don't think I will need it again. Starting treatment after a 6 week break is just rough.
Patty you always have such great advice hope you stay on this thread for a very long time!
Lisa -
So, I was wrong again! Had my weekly with the RO and 28 is my normal zaps. Then I'll do 5-8 boosts. Im gonna use 5 for my countdown :)Bummer! Asked her if the twinges I'm feeling were just in my head and she says its not uncommon to feel the sharp pains this early in some cases. Today went really quick... Sorry to say getting the hang of what to do.
Lisa, glad today went well! & I'm with you about starting a new treatment. I think that's the main reason for my meltdown on the table last week.... Now I just want it done! We can do this! I can do this!
I can see where new nail growth is coming in & hope the dead ends last long enough ... They sure look weird, but I'm afraid to cover in polish in case it makes it worse.
Hope everyone is doing well.....
Lorrie
3/33 -
Thanks Lisa!
My eyelashes all came out a few weeks ago...last chemo was July 8th!
They are growing back in....but not enough to use mascara, trust me , I tried! if that wand got any closer to my eye ball I would have brownish black eyes instead of blue!
I also have a wonderful growth of "beard hair" along my cheeks...thankfully in a light blond, but now I have to shave! Lol. And I won't admit that to ANYONE except my friends here!
Back to school night tonight. Saw a lot of parents I haven't seen in a while. Don't know if they knew about "my condition" but I'm guessing not as they kept staring at my hair. I really need to figure out how to post pictures so you can see why they were staring!
It's almost comical the LACK of comments. Obviously I've made them speechless!
Pat -
Ok,
I thought I posted a picture link.
Here is one, I have no idea where the other is.
http://s1363.photobucket.com/user/Bagpipepat/media/Facebook/Profile Pictures/525639_572168612793292_27463293_n.jpg.html?sort=3&o=9 -
Here is the wedding picture
http://s1363.photobucket.com/user/Bagpipepat/media/image_zps14d80bc2.jpg.html?sort=3&o=0 -
Omg.... Pat! You are gorgeous! & it looks like a fantastic day! Thanks for the pics! Now I wanna post a pic or 2....
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Lorrie,
There is a way to do it so it shows without clicking a link. I'm computer stupid, not saavy.
For this I opened a photobucket.com account.
I did have someone tell me that all my pictures are showing "scroll and see" but I don't know how to delete the other pictures...sigh. Instead of getting mad at my computer I really tried.
Maybe I am just not meant to do the computer thing!
Oh, there are supposed to be directions on how to post, but I can't find them...I'm thinking can't do it from an iPad? Not sure.
Pat -
Wow Pat you have a lot of hair in the wedding picture! You look beautiful!
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Teresa good luck with your rad decision. I know you will do what is best for you.
Ipc glad your first day went well. May they all go well.
Annie sorry about those darn toenails.
Pat. Gosh darn. Really wish I could check your pictures out. It won't let me click and get to the sight.:(
Still no sign of hair, brows or lashes returning. Today is 4 weeks post chemo. No more chemo. (Sigh of relief)
Take care all - Carla -
You have to copy and paste the link in your browser, try that Carla and see if you can see the pictures.
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Wow LOL Patty: Your pics look so good! It looks like the day was fabulous! Your family is beautiful...reminds us why we are going though all of this shit!
I have the funny white fine beard too.....WTF? Got some facial hair remover from oil of olay..will keep you posted if it works. Eyebrows are coming back in but eyelashes are still countable on one hand! Sucks. My last chemo was July 9th..still doing the SE's will this ever end? Hair is steadily growing but not as long as yours! Still look like a boy with a crew cut! Oh well, its easy to get ready in the morning and still dont have to buy shampoo!
Looks like rads are going well so far for you all. I think about you every day!
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Tired... Really tired tonight... Feeling good, I scheduled myself for a fee 10-11 hr days. I'm getting plenty of sleep, but... Haha
The checker at the grocery store tonight told me to get some rest... I didn't tell him I was tired, but I forget that I look like a tired cancer patient...
Oh we'll. I am going to bed early.
I'm worried about continued hair loss after chemo is done... My last one was aug 22 & a couple of you done in July are still losing eyebrow & lashes? Yikes! Although I don't have much more to lose... LOL.... My head is really itchy lately. I still shampoo in the shower & put lotion on it every morning. My whit fuzz is gone now and it feels whiskery. I hope it's new growth... I don't want to see facial hair! I'm afraid if I shave or remove it... That it will continue to grow and have to keep doing it... Have I mentioned I HATE cancer?
My zapped boob feels a little larger than normal... (Sounds weird) maybe I'm just more aware of it. But still nothing more than the occasional "twinges"... Nothing painful (fingers crossed)
Hope everyone had a good hump day!
Lorrie
4/33 -
OMG Lorrie I thought my boob was getting larger too. My bra doesn't fit same after being zapped and today will only be 3rd one. I was getting rads yesterday and was thinking maybe rads to neck area will zap the wrinkles too. Always looking for that silver lining!
Oh so tired. Not sure if rads or the stress from retail and going into Xmas season. Yep that's right. Xmas starts early in retail world.
Have a great day everyone
Lisa -
Lisa and Lorrie, I hate to say that the rads might be making you tired!
Rest up.
Lisa....Christmas already in the retail world, you aren't kidding. U was in a store and the display is up. Let me think which store......KOHL's!
Just googled and found this link regarding radiation.
http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/cancer-help/type/breast-cancer/treatment/radiotherapy/breast-cancer-radiotherapy-side-effects
Pat -
Hey all, I read its really normal to lose your eyebrows and eye lashes way after your hair as they grow on a different cycle.
Also, I know that rads do make you really tired. Sorry for you ladies.
I'm at the plastic surgeon righ now to get my stitches out. My energy is returning and I need to start exercising and getting this weight off - I can't stand the way I look.
Patty, I'm gonna check out your pic when I get to a computer!!! -
Hi all,
Teresa thanks for the tip on how to open Pat's picture. I did it! Pat you are gorgeous. The family is beautiful. I really like your hair!
Annie, I got some of those large bruises about the same time as you post chemo. They are finally disappearing. I think even if blood counts are in the normal range, they keep improving over time. I know I feel so much better two months after chemo than I did one month after. Sorry about your nails.
Pat, I'm sure you will do well with your surgery. You seem to embody the definition of a survivor. I wish I had your energy to clean the house before my surgery and fill the freezer with food. I get some things done, but sometimes I feel overwhelmed with how many things should be done and I get a little paralyzed, eg. don't get anything done.
Kate and Lisa, I'm so glad you had good weekends.
Lorrie and Lisa, I'm glad rads have started so you're past the anticipation phase.
Teresa, I understand about curve balls. I got thrown one myself this week as my doctors changed my surgery next week from immediate DIEP to delayed. So I will come home with tissue expanders instead of new boobs. Trying to wrap my mind around this. I guess it's teaching me about what a process this all is, that there's no real rushing it, it will be done when it's done and then hopefully it will be done forever! And that I have to have some faith in the process. Double mastectomy next Tuesday, day before Pat's. Hope I do as well as many of you. I may not have time to post again before surgery, but will let you all know how it went.
Good news to share: my eyebrows are coming in with a vengeance, two months after chemo. I'm so glad. I'm not that good with an eyebrow pencil, so this is great. Eyelashes slower to return, but I have great hopes for them.
Best to all,
Deb
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Hi ladies, I am done with 10 of 12 taxols. And pretty soon I have to decide on whether I need to do lumpectomy with radiation, or right mastectomy with radiation. I am having one heck of a time deciding whether to do lumpectomy or mastectomy. I am 39, and although my breasts aren't anything great after two babies, I am happy that they are mine. On the other hand, I wouldn't mind getting newer "better" looking reconstructed breasts but the major operation scares the living day lights out of me. I am asking you all because I have followed each of your stories since May, and have come to admire your resilience and openness to share what you've been going through, and have witnessed the friendships you've formed. I guess my question is, how did you decide on whether choosing lumpectomy or mastectomy? I have read some of your answers throughout the thread but would like to hear your deciding factor. For those who chose mastectomy, do you like your new breast/s? Was it hard to recover from the surgery. Even though they are fake, do they feel "natural", I mean, no discomfort to walk around with? For those who did lumpectomy on what side, does it make you sad to see that your breasts look uneven? Thank you in advance.
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Hi Ladies,
I'm jumping in here because I just found this group, hope you don't mind! I finished chemo exactly a month ago and I'm happy to read some of what other women are experiencing. I just gave myself a pedicure a couple of days ago- my feet look like a war zone, and one of my toenails fell off! It really freaked me out, and I didn't think it wa connected until I read this thread (although I only read the last page and not all 75...). No sign of hair growing, and my eyelashes and eyebrows which survived all of ACT have seriously thinned out in the month since I finished chemo. Anyone have hair growing back yet?
Tori- regarding surgery, I didn't have much choice about my mastectomy, and I have absolutely no regrets. However, a reconstructed breast (and I had a great plastic surgeon) does not look like a regular breast. I have no nipple and a thin scar across my breast. It does bother me that I have one perky silicon boob (with no nipple) and one saggier post three babies and breastfeeding boob (I think at some point I'll give the there breast a lift so that they match better). In a bra, you can't tell I had a mastectomy though. I'm also not crazy about the feel of a silicon breast, although I'm getting used to it over time. Oh, and the recovery from the mastectomy was really easy.
It's a really difficult decision and I hope you are at peace with whatever you decide. As I said, I don't regret it for a second, and I have a little more peace of mind knowing that the recurrence risk is lower. If I had a less aggressive cancer I think I would have been happy to preserve my breast, but with my stats, it was the right decision.
Good luck! -
Thanks, imamom! I hope I can make peace with whatever I decide too.
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Tori,
It really is a difficult choice...go back a few pages and look for my "decision making process" instructions...pros vs cons and do that ...it might make it clearer for you.
Once I went through that process (and chose mastectomy) I then had to figure out the reconstruction.
From what I could gather...and this might not be 100% accurate so please continue with your own research....I found there are generally 3 types of reconstruction.
1. Implant...and I believe there might be more than one way to do it?
(I ruled this out for me, I can PM my many reasons if you would like them)
2. TRAM flap...involves taking belly fat and a piece of core muscle
(I ruled this out due to a bad back...all I ever hear from docotrs is to strengthen my core!)
3. DIEP flap...involves taking the belly fat (lower stomach..whatever...) and vessels and transplanting to make new breasts.
(This is the option I chose)
Well there are other "flap" procedure that involve thighs, butt and maybe a few other areas to transfer fat.
DIEP is a speciality...my plastic surgeon did not even mention this as an option (because she doesn't do it?). I learned of it on these boards...thank God!
With #2 and # 3 above your breast will feel warmth and feel like breats (minus the nipple sensation). They will gain weight if you gain weight and lose weight if you lose weight.
There is a tattoo artist named Vinnie...he is mentioned frequently on these boards...that can make aureole and nipple using 3d tattoos.
Check the reconstruction boards on this site for other opinions and ideas.
Here is a link to the place I am going. You can see all the options they offer in regards to flap
http://www.breastcenter.com/
Hope the above helps.
Pat -
Imamom,
Did you look up Vinnie Myers for 3d tattoos of breast...makes realistic tattoos to be nipple/aureola. I believe the cost is about $400...I don't recall if that is the price with insurance or without. All the women on these boards rave about it.
Here is a link to his work.
http://vinniemyers.com/section/105672_Nipple_Areola_Tattooing.html
Warning..pictures of breasts!
Deb...I'm thinking you might have a big plus on the recovery? Perhaps it will be a little "easier" with the delayed DIEP...not so many drains or restrictions? I hope it is all successful for you...yes, the process SUCKS. Regarding the cleaning of my house...I have today and tomorrow....sigh. Oh well, who am I kidding. The place will look like a damn bomb hit it the second I walk out the door anyway! I did get rid of lots of "piles"...damn those piles I swear they multiplying the middle of the night! Lol...I have moms paperwork, still some of dads (he passed almost 2 yrs ago) then his/mine/ours. Got most of my "stuff" into the file box it should have been in in the first place. Hoping to keep the pile from multiplying by putting things away as they come in.,,."only touch it once". So it is either keep or throwaway, no more waiting for later.
Thank you all for the kind words on the pictures. Went and got the haircut shorter today. Please remember it never all fell out. This is dried out/brittle hair. Looks like duck fizz in some spots. Anyhow, it's a freakin process (isn't all of this!). Hubby told me today he wants it long...I just laughed at him. I'm enjoying the short stuff for now....I would be much happier if it filled in and quit falling out.
Btw...deb is right...those eyebrows and eyelashes are on their own cycles. I believe the lashes can come in and fall out for a few months....before they stay in. So bat them while you have them! Lol. (Mine are still too small to get a mascara wand to them)
Pat -
Thanks, patty! And thanks for the jokes and funny videos. I'm sorry that I'm more of a "lurker"! Congratulations on your wedding/renewal of vows. Your hair is growing beautifully!
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