feeling disconnected

mags20487 · September 2013

I am two yrs out from dx and just not sure what is wrong with me. I feel completely disconnected from everyone, even my family. I feel like everyone is an irritation, what they say and do. My husband has become very critical with me and everything I do and makes me feel like it is not good enough. No one helps with the household chores unless I ask them to and frankly I am tired of asking. Just made lasagna for dinner--homemade and my hubs says "it needs more sauce" I literally felt like smashing his face into it but sat silent as my adult kids and nephew were here. To top it off my best friend who is also my sil is going through major marriage problems and her hubs just got his own apartment. I am trying to be so supportive but feel like I am barely hanging on myself. I am considering counseling as perhaps it ptsd from all that has happened. Have any of you felt like this after treatments? Does life ever get back to normal?

fredntan · September 2013

My dh does same thing. Made chili, cooked up storm on sunday. Dh says chili is fantadtic but needs more tomatoes. Guys like sauce. And chores. Dont even get me started

I have hard time connecting with people now. Part of me doesnt want to be let down like i was during tx. And then its so hard to find things in commen with people that live ordinary lives

mags20487 · September 2013

thanks fredntan...think i just really needed to vent. I am hoping this mood goes away soon as it is a 180 from myself.

Maggie

jessica57 · October 2013

I've been finished with my radiation and chemo for the last couple of months. I also feel very disconnected with people. I'm not embrasing life like I thought I would. Feel very depressed and scared all the time. Cry most of the time. Don't know if this is normal or not. THe cancer center here where I live is trying to find me a therapist. The problem is they are in short supply of female therapists that have had breast cancer. Don't want to talk with a man! I'm so frustrated. Am I the only one who feels this way? Is what I'm feeling normal for a survivor who has been through chemo and radiation? HELP!!

mags20487 · October 2013

(((JESSICA)))) you are def not the only one who feels this way. I have been thinking of finding a therapist too. I think just being able to talk to someone who is not in any way a part of your life helps. I am waiting for an MRI and US on Monday to see what this fantastic new little lump is in my beautiful new leftie. Feel betrayed by my own body. On this forum is the only place I feel safe to talk about some things as I know someone here will understand. Part of me just wants to get in my car and go...somewhere....anywhere even if only for a few days. I believe that these feeling will soon pass and I am working everyday to keep myself busy so that I do not keep focusing on the past but look forward to the future. Here for you

Maggie

jessica57 · October 2013

I feel better knowing that someone else is feeling the same. I'm sick and tired of people telling me I need to let it go and move on! I wish it was that simple. A friend who is a therapist and lost her husband to cancer thinks I need a mild anti-depressant. I just don't want to take anymore drugs. Has anyone out there had good luck with anti-depressants? I just want to get on with my life and be happy. This cancer crap has messed with my psyche. I just hope it's not permenent!

Enerva · October 2013

Hi Jesica57, I am just like you I live alone and I also finished chemo and rad a few months ago, last rad was June 27. I am feeling so upset about life and I hate when people tell me I should be grateful do be alive please forgive me but I am piss at life and I feel here I read the post of ladies who really know what I am going through. I like you do not want to take anymore drugs so I try to go for walks and try to read things that take my mind away from the past year. Feel free to PM me any time we can exchange emails or cel # I am in Canada. Marggie I do admire you cuz you have a hub and kids. I have no idea how you manage that. I had a bf before all this stated and I was so glad he was not in my live this past year I don't think I could deal with anyone, it is hard enough to deal with my self lol

Please try to smile I know we will get better and I am in if you guys ever want to take a trip somewhere and meet there and just get away to relax. I am so stressed thinking of what is nexttttt lol

mags20487 · October 2013

so I realized earlier this week that I am part of the problem. I have been pushing people I love away from me. I have rationalized that if they do not like me it will not be as hard on them if this disease does take me. Stupid I guess... My daughter says that my husband has always been mean in the way he talks to me and everyone else. I think that I just notice it so much more now a I am tired of it and will not take it anymore. I am going to start speaking up for myself and not let anyone---including him-- treat me this way. He has been there through the whole thing from diagnosis to what was just my 7th surgery with #8 in less than 8 weeks. I know that he too has endured much with all the suffering he has seen me go through. I just wish he would let it out and not take it out on me. Why do men think they cannot cry?

We are going away to the mountains next week for 5 days....I hope it helps us to reconnect a little. We are meeting up with friends and taking our grown kids too. A big cabin in the woods with a lovely firepit for those cool evenings.

This blackness must go to make room for sunshine soon

Maggie

Enerva · October 2013

Hi Maggie i am glad you will go away to a nice place that should help you both to reconnect, i agree with you men take their feelings in and dont cry they are that way no much we can do just be patients i guess i wish all the luck for your trip i am sure it will help you one way or another.

nybc2013 · October 2013

I just finished bilateral mast. surgery on 10/11 I too feel scared and disconnected. When I was in the hospital a close friend said she would visit that morning. She went home to nap and sent me a text letting me know and then forgot to visit until I sent her a text reminding her. I was so hurt.She texts everyday and I have not asked her how she could just forget. I am very nervous and tired since surgery. It is so hard to connect.

Enerva · October 2013

Hi NYBC2013, we are here for you. Tonight i went to a BRA event and i tell you i went alone and felt a bit lonely. lol even though the place was full of bc survivors i felt i was alone, maybe cuz every one of them went with a friend or a family member and i had no one. I hear you its weir your friend forgot about you but it happens and there is not much you can do. Try to forgive her no point of making it a big deal cuz it will hurt you. i am glad i went to the event i got some info i did not know about.

Take care and try to keep a smile in your face i know its not easy.

jessica57 · November 2013

Hi Enerva, Haven't been on this site for a while. I am feeling better than I did a several weeks ago. Not really sure why. Could be that I'm just starting to cope with everything I have been through. My good news is that my mammo came back clear so I don't need to worry until 6 months from now. Actually I will never stop worrying! I live in Erie PA really not far from you if we could walk across Lake Erie! Ha ha. Hope you are doing well.

Blessings2011 · November 2013

Oh, yes... the disconnect. I felt it even before surgery... and all through the challenges of a problematic reconstruction.... I was becoming a hermit, and a not very nice one at that.

My BS meter was set at its lowest level, and everything ticked me off. I couldn't believe the stupidity of some people, and drama queens? Forget it! Cut them out of my life completely.

I think that BC is a wake-up call for many of us. Whether our dx and prognosis is "good" or "scary", it brings up all sorts of emotions. And yes, PTSD is not uncommon.

It wasn't until I was a year into Arimidex that I realized I didn't have the energy to get out of bed in the morning. I'm talking more about mental energy than physical energy. I just didn't want to deal with people. DH was my rock all the way through, but sometimes I sure made it hard for him.

I realized that yes, I was clinically depressed. Funny it took me so long, because I am a retired counselor. I just kept saying I was fine. I finally found a great therapist through my Oncologist. She's never had breast cancer, but she has worked with enough BC patients, and has the necessary skills to be incredibly effective in working with us.

I am now working on old issues, new issues, and future issues, and it feels great. For the record, I do believe in anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medications - they have their purpose and can work wonders. But personally, I think they need to be used in conjunction with counseling. Otherwise, all those old crappy thoughts still float around inside our heads with no outlet.

Most of us are not born with awesome coping skills - especially in the face of a life-threatening illness. It's a relief to be able to meet with a non-judgmental professional who can hear our concerns and help us find ways to deal with life on new terms.

May we all find peace of mind, and the happiness we deserve!!!

(O.K. - Off my soapbox now....)

feeling disconnected

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