Chemo May 2013

Pat....

I am so angry, I am shaking....!!! I cannot believe how she has turned things around to be about HER! ' "... my stress has gone up. Why did you do this?" '...... OMG!!

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this at all.... She sounds like such a selfish FOOL! I don't blame you for blocking her call and how grown up of her to ignore your calls.... UGH! I'm at a loss for dignified words about this situation with your sister... I am, however, full of un-dignified words for it.

Forget about her and I hope she will not ever need support for issues that come up in her life... because, knowing you, you will be there if she asked. That's the difference between the 2 of you.. I would say to not let a person like that get to you... but ... She has gotten to me & I'm a complete stranger. Some people are just so........ BLAH

If she cared at all, you could tell her that she just raised the stress of everyone on this thread that care about you, because we are all angry at her careless & selfish behavior.... ugh... sorry.... I'm done.

Get some rest & focus on you. Hope the hubby is doing better...??

Lorrie

Lorrie

Hi all..

Finally had my ultrasound today..

Was told its a big cyst.. 😃 Was very relieved.

Has anyone gotten stomach aches from tamoxifen? The last 2 days I've had very uncomfortable stomach pain about 3 hours after taking my tamoxifen.. Don't know if this is a side effect- didn't see it listed as a common one.

Pat- wow! About your sister.. There are always people that can manage to make everything about them.. Thank God for caller ID.

Kerri

Yay Kerri I know how good I felt about a cyst!



Patty wow don't even know what to say.

Personal stuff aside tonight ....



I'm almost 4 weeks from last chemo and my body FEELs closebto normal. Maybe a little sluggish from being so lazy for the past few months.... Walking through the grocery store still wears me out. I'm down to just my right foot feeling tingly & numb from the neuropathy... Whew! Actually feeling good!



The down-side... Emotionally, I'm still struggling & wondering if I'm suffering from depression. All along this treatment stuff, I've felt I had a reason to feel bummed. Now that I'm feeling physically better... I haven't been able to shake the down thoughts of looking the way I do..... The way I think my hubby sees me....the way I feel when I see myself in the mirror and quickly look down to pretend it's not me...... Should I see someone? Do I need anti depressants? I don't want to take any more pills!



Today my oldest daughter called with a day full of good news, my hubby came home with a day full of good news & I'm still sad......



My boss's wife was recently diagnosed with BC & since I'm his personal assistant, he wants me to take her to lunch and hat shop with her and help her through what she's feeling right now..... It's overwhelming. where is all this cancer coming from?



Maybe I'm just needing sleep. Waking up 20 times a night with hot flashes surely isn't giving me a good nights rest..... I would just like to feel happy without "faking" it.... I mean I am happy about other's great news..... I just want to feel happy too....



Am I being weird? Sorry.... Maybe I should just go to bed early to try to get more sleep with the hot flash interruptions....



Lorrie

Lorrie,

It can't hurt to go for a consult.

There are people all over these boards that have taken something for depression.

This thing is a beast. Wears us down physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.



You have been able to identify something that is bothering you. Try something for it.

On a side note, I do believe that there are some anti-depressants that actually help to make you sleep better. So you might actually be solving two problems!



I so get the mirror thing. I could have a really good day and "forget" I what I look like. One look in the mirror can ruin it for me.



As for the bosses wife. Maybe have that lunch and give her the website for here and call it a day? That is a tough call. If you are having problems yourself how can you help her.? But then again, helping her could be the therapy you need. (As long as she's not like my evil twin!)



Hugs.

Pat

Thanks everyone, I am feeling a little better today.  Kind of light headed and shaky but better.

Lorrie, when I first found my lump my Dr prescribed me Clonazapam.  It is more for panic attacks, stress and stuff like that.  I don't take them very often but they do help.  I have been on anti depressants (from when my husband passed away) and I really didn't like those.  They can make you have no emotions.....it is just weird/different.  Of course everyone handles different meds in different ways.

So I'm talking to this guy online (potential date) and he said his wife died after battling breast cancer for three years.  There are so many question I want to ask him but don't want to because I assume it would be hard for him.  Did she do chemo and radiation?  What exactly happened for her to have battled it for three years?

Have a great Wednesday everyone!

Lori: I have battled anxiety for years, even before BC. Ativan is my constant companion!

FINALLY received my mail order tamoxifen.

After I filled the first prescription it must have sent an alert within the computer that it is a MAINTENANCE drug and had to be shipped direct (from some company) and not picked up at my local drug store.

Well, the "process" sucked...it didn't ship until the days was supposed to fill it and the it took a whopping 10 days to get here....I know it wasn't even a pony express that slow! Must have been on the back of a turtle!



Glad I took 1/2 dose my first week so I was "slightly ahead"...I called and asked for management around day 7....he said he would allow me to pick up 7 pills at local pharmacy....gee thanks. Cost me $12! Spoke to someone there yesterday and she said I should have gotten them free...so much for speaking to a manager to get some part of prescription!



Anyhow, Express Scripts is the Company. Check into your insurance , if you have it, and see if this is something you will need to set up and try to get I place the day or first week that you fill your prescription. Maybe you can avoid the stupidness.



Speaking of stupid....evil twin called my house late last night and asked if my cellphone was broken. (I had ignored her calls). I told her I was tired so she said I could call her back in the am (there's that control again!)...so I told her no, I would tell her what I have to say now. I told her BRCA was negative, my husband could take care of my mom if necessary (God forbid she come up from North Carolina) and she should have stress free healing from her surgery. She then proceeded to tell me issues with my mother (who had just been at my house for 3 days, I didn't see anything wrong)...I told her I didn't want to hear it that she was causing me stress and I had to get off the phone. Felt really good doing that.

She called this morning...."I know the BRCA was positive and you lied to me". No, I didn't lie, would you like me to mail the test results? "Yes". Okay....so that was the end of that conversation. The results are in the mail. Geez! Along with a note that tells her I am praying that her surgery gives her the relief she was after. ..and the reason I pray for her is selfish...perhaps without her aching whatever she might become a better person. But in the interim I also pray that I have a few months of a reprieve from her again. She is like a bad penny, keeps turning up.



Pat

Thanks for the insight Pat, MO said he does not want to "treat" the hot flashes until my body has more time to adjust to the Tamoxifen. My menstral cycle is still missing in action, he said it may come back and it may not and since it is not back yet is probably contributing to my hot flashes. It is miserable though, would love to call him up at 1, 3, and 5 because I always see those times on my clock! Hopefully his wife keeps him up when she goes though menopause!!

Sorry, you had such a hard time getting your Tamoxifen, mine is TEVA as well, but Iget it at my local supmarket's pharmacy. And no, I dont think this will ever end....even though I dont go back for 6 months its still on my mind alot! 

So sorry your sister is being a boob!

Thanks Lisa for the story about your DH.... I'm sure if I brought it up with mine, he would try to reassure me but not sure if I would believe him. Haha I mean, I don't even like the way I look & his thing has always been about how confident a person I am... WAS...



Anyway, it'll all be fine in time....



I go in for my first zap tomorrow. I'm not as nervous as I thought. I've learned that SEs usually don't start happening until a couple weeks into it. I am prepared, however, with lotions & potions that I caught on the "summer rads" thread & a tip from YouTube of having a cold soft cloth in the car to place on the boob on the way home... LOL.... We shall see how it goes. I know I'll start using the stuff from day 1 and not wait for signs of burning before starting. I'm fair skinned but there's no evidence to show a difference between fair/dark skin tones.... You either have a rough time or you don't. I'm hoping that the cancer gods saw how chemo treated me and cut me some slack on rads....haha



Pat,

You are a better person than me... When she called you a liar, I would have hung up the phone & refused to talk to her. Let her get her own testing done & leave you alone!



Hope everyone is doing well today!



Lorrie

Elkatho,

Glad to hear you are tolerating rads so far.

Did you try something Over the counter for the reflux? I used Prilosec during chemo, was pretty good. My moms doctor writes a prescription for her for Prilosec which I don't understand because it appears to be the same strength as over the counter. Keep an eye on that so you don't overpay.



Pat

Thanks for the laugh.



I am taking prilosec with no relief. I am now trying 2 a day.

Pat, congrats on the wedding. It's nice to hear about the good stuff too. How did you like the cake? Did you put some in your freezer for next year? I hope that your hubby's forgetfulness turns out to be normal forgetfulness.

Kate, hope your GI system gets back to normal soon.

Kerri, congrats on your great news.

Carla, I like to think that I'm not suffering from fatigue anymore, but it really hits me in the early evening and I'm down for the count.

Less than two weeks to the BMX. Stress level rising.

Pat, I'm sorry about the complete lack of support from your sister, to put it mildly.

Lorrie, not sleeping well can aggravate depression, which seems normal given all that we are going through. I also take part of an ativan each night to sleep. There are probably less strong meds to help with sleep though. I feel kind of depressed about the way I look and am about to look too. I keep thinking that I'll look into finding a counselor but I'm always too busy to do it!

Teresa, I hope you feel better soon.



Deb

I'm not a fan of seeking counceling.... I'm just not comfortable talking about my feelings other than here.... Haha

I'm just gonna try and tough it out. That's what I've done all my life & it makes me feel strong I guess. We'll see.....



Elk.. You're on 14?..... My RO was hesitant to give me aquafor, but said that if the lotion they gave me wasnt working that they would. I'm planning on telling them it irritates me so I can get it to add to my arsenal..... How are you handling the rads?