I feel like a leper

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graceforme
graceforme Member Posts: 70
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

I have a wonderful husband who has been very loving and supportive throughout this traumatic experience but I still feel so alone. I am no longer fun and energetic. I'm made to feel that my fears about what I'm facing are without merit by some family and friends. Today I was told by a close family member that I could get hit by that bus that goes around striking people and that I need to quit worrying about this. I know she meant well and I know worrying doesn't help anything but I just feel like my feelings are not validated. I've lost one close friend since being diagnosed; I guess she thinks cancer is contagious. I really feel like an outcast and like a leper. Didn't want to unload on my poor husband so here I am.

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited September 2013

    graceforme, we're sorry you're going through this. You can always unload here, among others who understand - feel free to vent, any time!

    • The Mods

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  • mdg
    mdg Member Posts: 3,571
    edited September 2013

    Oh you are not alone!  We have all struggled with many feelings, fears and such that others that have not gotten BC don't understand.  I have found it best to confide in my friends that have had BC too.  They "get it" and don't say the wrong things.  Is there a support group near where you live?  I have been fortunate to find some friends throught this site that I talk with all the time via Facebook and phone.  It has made it easier for me to have some friends that have walked in my shoes and it makes it easier to ignore the stupid comments from others that don't understand.  People mean well, but they really don't know what to say....they think they are making us feel better, but they really aren't.  I am sorry you have to go through this.  YOu are NOT alone.....hugs!

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  • Cowgirl13
    Cowgirl13 Member Posts: 1,936
    edited September 2013

    Grace, you are not alone.  I would encourage you to reach out on this board just as you have done and also to consider a cancer support group.  I joined a support group about 3 months after I was diagnosed and I can't tell you how much it helped.  It was a group at my hospital which was facilitated by a psychologist who was also a cancer survivor.  I went to the group for about a year and a half because it was the only safe place for me to share and I came to really like the women in my group.  There wasn't really anyone I could talk to....my brother and sister just couldn't deal with it and I was afraid of pushing people away.  

    I'm glad you reached out.

    Liz

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  • Racy
    Racy Member Posts: 2,651
    edited September 2013

    Graceforme, there is no need for you to suffer when treatment is available for the emotional effects of cancer. I had psychological counselling regularly for 18 months after my diagnosis and take an antidepressant. It is likely that one or both of these could help you.



    Please talk with your doctor about this.

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  • shoppygirl
    shoppygirl Member Posts: 694
    edited September 2013

    Grace

    One of the hardest things about having cancer is that there is no way people can understand the mental and physical toll that it takes on you. I think that all of us here have dealt with ignorant people throughout our journey. I have also had a friend use the infamous "hit by a bus" comment. The same person also compared me going back to work after all my treatments like returning to work after being on maternity leave! I had a another close friend tell other friends that she did not want me at her birthday because she wanted it to be a happy time and did not want anyone with cancer there as it was too depressing! Of course I was angry and annoyed and no longer have a relationship with these people. One of the things I try to do is to be extra kind to myself. I tell myself that I did nothing to deserve BC and that I am proud if myself for making it through treatment and surgery all while still trying to be a good mother to my kids. I feel stronger when I do that. I also really cherish the wonderful friends I do have. I try to focus on them and not the toxic and poisonous people that make stupid comments. I also do special things for myself like buying things I like or getting my nails done. I tell myself that I deserve them after all I have been through. I am so much kinder to myself now and it has really helped. Of course I have many fears just like you especially of a recurance but I just remind myself that I am doing everything I can to stop it and the rest is out of my hands. Anyway I hope you can find some joy in your life again. After everything you have been through you deserve it. Also you know that if you are ever feeling down your beautiful breast cancer sisters will always be here for you. Hugs

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  • graceforme
    graceforme Member Posts: 70
    edited September 2013

    Thank you to all of you who responded. I know you understand where I'm coming from.

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