Wife starts chemo tomorrow, any advice?

Art, the fact that you are here asking this question means you are going to do great!  I agree with everything Colt said, and have a few things to add that my husband did for me during chemo;

- If she is open to it, help your wife lose her hair.  I got a pixie cut just before my second chemo, and at the first sign of my hair falling out, my husband buzzed it for me.  It was a strangely bonding and liberating experience.  It helped that my husband also buzzes his hair very short, so we were twins!  Then when the little bits of "stubble" started hurting and digging in to my scalp, he would go over my head gently each day with a lint roller to get all those little pricklies out.  It just made me feel like he was part of the process, and my bald head wasn't an issue for him.

- Sometimes it's hard to make decisions when you don't feel good.  In the beginning my husband would ask "what do you feel like eating", and the answer really was "nothing", or I would feel overwhelmed with responsibility for deciding the menu!  It was so much easier when he gave me choices:  rice and beans or mac n cheese?  Once you have a sense of what she likes to eat, have it on hand.

- Exercise together (gently!).  My husband and I decided we would walk every day during chemo, no matter what.  Sometimes we only made it around the block, and other times we walked for an hour.  It was good together time, and I think keeping active really helped me. 

- Be protective, but not too protective.  If your wife is someone who is usually very busy, it might be hard to slow down during chemo and give herself permission to focus inward.  It feels "selfish", and that's not easy.  Give her permission.  Take care of the stuff that would normally be on her list, consulting with her first of course :-)

- Take care of yourself.  My husband became pretty depressed about halfway through treatment (it's a tough time for you too!), and felt guilty because he didn't want to burden me.  I am usually the emotionally connected and strong one, but I couldn't be there for him because I could barely be there for myself.  Your wife will want to sleep/rest a lot, and it will be fine some of the time if you are still doing whatever you like to do that de-stresses you.

- Validate her feelings.  There are so many emotions that come from going through this treatment, having cancer in the first place, and then contemplating what happens after treatment all ends.  It's a roller coaster, and while I was in active treatment I was totally focused on what was happening and researching every possible side effect and every possible remedy for those side effects.  No matter how crazy he may have thought my ideas were, my husband rolled with me.  He helped get all the supplies together and brought a cooler full of supplies to the infusion room so I could ice my finger and toes during Taxol.  He researched the best on-line source for L-Glutamine.  He listened to my endless anxious chatter about all my side effects and what they might mean, how much I hated my wig etc.  And after active treatment was over and I went through 6 months of what I fondly call my "crazier than usual" roller coaster ride, where each day I had some new plan for uprooting us and starting a new life somewhere else, he just listened and said "if that's what you really want, then we'll do it.  Let's talk more about it in a few days" (and by then I was on to the next plan - smart hubby!).

Sending you and your wife only health and happiness from this point onwards :-)

Art,



Believe it or not, my wife iced fingers and toes with frozen peas and it worked out great.



She had no neuropathy during her chemo (AC dose dense, then 12 weekly Taxol) and lost no nails. After chemo, she had some delayed neuropathy in her feet----but it subsided.



Have her hydrate. And then hydrate some more. She may not feel like drinking because her taste buds could be off and she might just have a hard time drinking, but you must find something that she can get down. My wife relied a lot on low cal Powerade. If she gets sick of 1 flavor, you can try many others.



Support her. I remember not even knowing if I was doing a good job for my wife during chemo. I really wasn't sure how much I was helping. I felt useless at times because like you, I love my wife and I would stand in front of a train for her----and there was just do little I could do to help her... so I just made sure I was THERE. Available. For ANYTHING. And at some point she broke down and told me I was her rock. She was choked up and speechless that I hadn't left her (and I would NEVER). Here I was feeling useless and all the time I was all she could have asked for (unbeknownst to me)! Just be there for her. Tell her she's beautiful. You may think that 'of course she knows I think that'------but take nothing for granted. This is a scary time and her mind will be all over the place. Reassure her... even about the stuff you swear she should have NO doubt about. She just may need to hear it. To know "where" you are. To be sure.

MAKE SURE YOU KEEP UP WITH BREAST EXAMS. TAXOL DOESNT ALWAYS WORK. I KNOW A WOOMAN WHOS TUMOR DOUBLED ON IT DONT BE SCARED,JUST PREPARED. IM ON IT AND ITS WORKING BUT I CHECK MY BREAST EVERYDAY FOR ANY CHANGES IN SIZE OR TEXTURE. MY TUMOR GOT HARDER IN ONE WEEK HAD TESTS TODAY FOUND OUT IM FINE. THE CHANGE IN TEXTURE WAS DUE TO THE CHEMO NOT NEW CANCER. WISH YOU THE BEST

Art,

I trust your wife's first nfusion went well.  Trust your instincts as a husband.  You've been given great advise.

I say BE (the state of being) with your wife.  Don't just tell her you love her + will be there.  LOVE her + BE there.  Actions speaks louder than words. 

The chemo, steroids + other meds may make her emotional, don't take it personally.

May God continue to support you + bless you as a wonderful, loving + supporting husband. May He order your steps that you may be an instrument of love + healing for your wife.  May your wife walk in Divine healing!

Art actually you nailed it. She was positive it just didnt show on the first test. The Fish test is considered conclusive. Think its like no one is just a bit pregnant. LOL

your wife must be just where the SEs (side effects) are starting. Make sure shes taking the pills to stay on top of nausea. Also push liquids. Taste changes may be occurring by now. Citrus flavorseems to be ok for most. On the other hand she may have few SEs. So go with fl I w. And tell her you love her. Hug her close and shiw her. She will be tired more. It is cumulitive. Every tx takes s bit more. But you will both make it because you are in it together. Much love

art123 - I had 6 TCH and then continued Herceptin for the balance of the year - if you have specific questions I would be glad to answer them.  The cardiotoxicity issues are relatively rare, but fitness does not seem to preclude them.  Other SE from Herceptin are mostly nominal, runny nose and low grade headache - no biggie.

Hi Art-



Like Colt, you are an awesome husband.



Don't fear herceptin- it is liquid gold. It shrunk my 9 Cm tumor to "no cells detected" at mastectomy, and cleared all my lymph nodes (so far- knock on wood). yes it is a long time that you get it but there is no nausea, etc from the infusions and the cardiac effects are pretty rare. I havent had any- almost a year on it.



Speaking from the heart, many of us girls are so scared that our husbands will leave us if we arent pretty or feeling chipper. Just reassure her that she is beautiful to you no matter what. It will go a long way, trust me.



My sweet husband did that the whole way through, even when I gained 20 pounds from the steroids and had a mastectomy. He is my rock. it sounds like you are an equally wonderful husband and sadly, you great men are few and far between. Weaker men flee or cheat.



Just love her and continually reassure her and the two of you will get through this even closer than before. it certainly makes a woman love her man even more, if possible, when he helps get her through this awful time.



Hang in there!! GOOD luck to her. And to you.