Calling all TNs

grace: I'm sure most of us can relate to your haunting words about "crying in the shower or after the kids are in bed." So true. I really felt that beyond the surgical scars, radiation burns and bald head, the toughest reality of breast cancer was that it was an isolating experience... tears I cried alone, fears I faced alone. Even with a supportive family and friends, I felt that, acutely at times.... maybe that's why this board is so valuable. 

Crying story, I lost it today, I too am human! I was so hungry and ended up eating lunch at 2pm. I went to my 11th radiation treatment today. My mom drove me, she insisted we get gas when we were late to begin with. We stopped for gas and got to my treatment late, so I got pushed back 2 people. Was starting to get hungry. Had to stop by 2 places to run errands. I asked her to stop and let's get a burger or something cause I was starving. She said, no cause it's bad for me! I was like, oh no what's gonna happen to me, I might get cancer, hello I already have it! So we drove all the way home and I was starving and mad! As soon as I got home, I ran to the kitchen and took out everything I could get my hands on.

I asked my mom to heat up some pork belly in the microwave and she said I'll heat it on the stove. ARE U KIDDING ME! I'm dying of hunger and you're worried about microwave safety! I just ate it cold! I started shoving my face with everything in sight.

My big bro came into the kitchen with my dad and asked y I didn't eat anything in LA after treatment. I just lost it! I started crying and chewing, and choking, and crying! I was so mad at my mom for not letting me have a damn burger! I was mad that she kept delaying me from eating! My brother was like how old are u, but he didn't understand what I endured all day, starting with delayed treatment, very late lunch. I was blowing my nose, crying, chewing, screaming, coming up for some air, then crying again, blowing my nose, then chewing, choking, swallowing, on and on and on. I finally finished eating and had to leave again to pick up my daughters at school since my oldest has a orthodontist appt. Almost didn't have time to eat at all. I held it together before leaving to get the kids, don't need them to stress watching their mom bawling cause she was hungry! What a day!

Feeling much better now, thanks all! Picked up my daughter from school with my dad this time, he's more rational and will let me eat a burger! We took Olivia, my 10 yr old to get her braces. I think my brother felt bad for me cause he called me and told me to have dinner in LA near the orthodontist, so my dad, daughter, and I went to out favorite Korean soup restaurant and I ate a bowl and a half of the yummiest tongue soup money could buy. For dessert, we got Mc D ice cream cones, so happy now!

If your are taking steroids, read this! This is a post from one of my friends on Nov2011 chemo thread. To explain why I went ballistic yesterday from hunger. Very interesting and true.



13 hours ago, edited 12 hours ago by GrandmaV



Julie, This sounds like it may be a symptom of steroid psychosis (sometimes referred to as roid rage). That's why I said earlier, I was glad they were cutting your steroids slowly. Maybe its not slow enough. That's what happened to me. I cried and acted totally irrational for weeks. Plus, you're getting carboplatin, which crosses the blood brain barrier, which is great to fight the cancer, but it messes with some brain cells too. And you're getting brain radiation. A triple whamy. It is not your fault you reacted this way. It is medical induced and a side effect of your treatments. If you have this kind of side effect you can no more control it than you can nausea when it's a side effect. I'm sure once your family knows this, they'll be more understanding. And you'll feel better knowing this is not your fault and temporary. My doctor put me on amitriptyline, which according to the information I research is the wrong kind of antidepressant for this kind of reaction. Here's a link that explains it better: (paragraph 3 has some of the symptoms and a treatment that has helped others) Keep fighting those cancer cells. You're doing great.



www.drrichardhall.com/steroid.htm



Here's his NCBI abstract:



www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/43...



It's old information but still applicable.

I read bits & pieces on this thread as I can. I just wanted to say " I LOVE THIS THREAD"!!!!!! Thank you ALL for your Heart, Soul, & everything else in between!

UPDATE on LuvRVing (Michelle):

Hi ladies,

Once again I'm afraid I have some bad news to report about my mom.  Yesterday the doctors at Dana Farber told my parents that it might be time to stop treatment.  Mom has continued to decline, despite the Avastin and Navelbine, and they are feeling that she is beyone their ability to help.  Mom is not emotionally ready to stop fighting, but she seems to be coming to terms with the reality of the situation.  

She did receive treatment yesterday.  They are going to Marco Island (FL) this weekend along with my aunt.  When they return, she will have some scans.  Unless the scans show regression, and her symptoms do not indicate that that will be the case, I believe they will stop treatment.  

I spoke to the doctor out of earshot from my parents.  I asked her how much time mom has.  She said that her decline has been swift, and she expects that it will be a couple of months at the most.  I am so sorry to have to share this terrible news with you all, but I want you to be able to send her your thoughts and love, and there is not much time.

Mom isn't able to get online.  My dad has started to look at her Facebook account occassionally, and he is checking her email for her.  If you would like to send a message, you can email her at mchall6252@comcast.net.  If you would like to send her a card/letter, you can mail it to Michelle Hall, 7 Digital Dr, Apt 7109, Nashua, NH  03062.  

Please keep in mind, if you choose to contact them, that they are still struggling with the idea of stopping treatment.

Christine 

Beachbound, can u ask your hubby to bring me a blizzard too, I can use one right now!

Oh Christine, if you happen to see our messages, please let Michelle know that we are thinking of her.  I am quite saddened by the report, things seemed to have changed so much in a short amount of time.  Such a heavy heart today learning of this.  Will continue to pray and keep her and all of you in our thoughts.  Much love to all of you.  xoxo

Naan - way to rock the new 'do!  You still look so sweet!!

Crying, especially at the silliest things, is part of the reaction to the chemo and steroids.  I'm talking about crying during normal things, not just relating to the diagnosis.  I remember crying and becoming very emotional at very typical things such as a commercial, a picture of someone, etc.  I read somewhere online that the intense emotions do come with the type of treatment, and once I realized that I was able to get a better handle on them.  I remember I bought my husband a very cool gift for christmas and I cried when I ordered it.  I knew it was something he would truly enjoy, and I started crying. LOL 

Before my dx, I cried for 2 weeks in the bathroom each night.  I felt it was the women's intuition that something must be wrong.  It consumed me and I finally made an appointment.  I would check lump location in there and then sit on the toilet and start crying. Every night until I finally told my Mom and a friend and they convinced me to make an appointment.

The day I got the call about my diagnosis was the biggest day I felt alone, and the very next day was about the same.  At the moment of the call, it was the ultimate worst feeling ever in the world.  36 hours later I met my surgeon, and from the moment he walked into the room, I knew I would be okay.  It was the turning event for me, and from there I didn't think about anything but getting to all the appointments, learning what I could and preparing for surgery, which was schedule for just 5 days later.

It's upsetting to see Michelle at such a crossroads in her path of fighting TNBC.  Let's all stay strong and continue to fight next to her and with her.

Love you all!

Hi all, just dropping by to let you know that I am now 4 years out of treatment at the end of this month. 5 years is now looking very doable. My fondest positive thoughts are with you all.

Thank you so much

Christine - I am so sorry to hear this news. It's just heartbreaking.

Christine...so sorry to hear your new of your mum...please give her hugs from her bco tn sisters and know that we are hugging you as well

Christine, thank you for your mom's address. I'd be honored to send your mom a card. You both are amazing women, and I will be thinking of you and your family often.

Ok ladies, I have great news, getting my burger on tomorrow, finally my mom has caved in and realizes I need what I can get right now and I did apologize.  I explained to both my parents that it was the steroids, not me acting crazy!  Can't wait for my burger tomorrow, so excited!

Today was brain radiation #12 and Chemo #2, so far so good, no complaints, got the nausea under control, just have really heavy leg feeling, but otherwise ok.  After getting home from another yummy lunch of Chiinese seafood noodle with nuked veges, and Mc D M & M Mcflurry, I was happy.  I took a nice nap.  Then I went fish shopping with my girls, it was fun.  I want them to practice being responsible before we get them puppies when we get our own place after I get all better.  I promised they could pick their own puppies and each can have one.  They will have good practice with the fish.  I picked out a few too, didn't name them yet, any suggestions?  All in all a great day.  Hope all of you had a great day too!