Bouncing Back

I understand and agree with what you're saying Sharon.  To be honest I guess I ignore it until I have an issue.  I never did therapy, maybe I should have, the last couple years might have gone better.  I went back to work a little over a year ago and that has helped alot.  I feel somewhat normal again and I just try to stay busy.  "Idle hands is the devils playground" well, in our case "idle mind"   I recently started Effexor for the hot flashes and I do like that it helps me with irritability.  But hate that I take yet another pill.  It helps me when I remind myself that that pain/ache was there before my last scan and the scan showed nothing.  But if its a new one that's a different story...I do freak out and search Dr Google.  I hope you find whatever it is you need that puts you at peace during these times.   

I think the fear and anxiety is why I search BCO so compulsively.  I do all the right things exercise, work, friends, marriage, kids etc (OK I can not lose weight despite a pretty good effort).  I have not found the answer.  I go to a support group, but sometimes I think that it just increases my anxiety.  Plus I get frustrated when people with DCIS think their risk is the same as mine.  It's been three years.  A few weeks ago, a patient of mine told me her stage 3 breast CA recurred with mets to spine after 22 years.  Are you f***ing kidding me?  This is our reality.  Sometimes I think the trick is simply to die of something else before the breast cancer recurs.  I experience PTSD on a regular basis.

Sharon, I am so glad your scans were negative.  Maybe other people have more wisdom than I do as to how to live with this disease.  Sometimes I wish I were more religious and I could be at peace if I die in the next few years.  But, I am not at peace with that at all.  I want to live another 30 years.

Sorry to not be more help.  It helps me a bit knowing you are OK

Elizabeth

Sharon,

Also, so glad you are OK.   The fear of recurrence is with us always.  It IS a form of PTSD.  Every ache and pain brings on a flood of anxiety.  I am sorry we all seem to have this common issue, but it is so helpful to know others are on this journey also.

Wishing all peace and good health,

Cindy (Stage IIIa)

I will chime in here .. Sharon, so happy no C.. I have learned to cope a little better by accepting what I just can't change. I hate that we all live with this fear! I will say I talk to God a lot!!! For me it's the only way I can get through the fear , giving it away ... I can't carry it so I let it go.. Also sometimes I just live in denial all together!!! And I like Jen take Effexor , and when the anxiety affects my family I will pray really hard and take the occasional Xanax ! I know lots of help I am .. I hate herring those damn stories about the 22 years later stuff! Look In 22 years from now , I will be older lived a lot longer then I ever thought I would .. Hopefully see my kids get married and be married for 46 years!! I will take the 22 years!!! There will be a cure by then I pray!!!! Find peace in the day, dance in the rain!!!!!! All my love to the strongest women in the world!!!

Like Jennyboog, when something comes up and triggers all the old fears...and starts that agony of waiting, waiting, waiting to see if this time it's not going to be nothing...I have to stay as busy as possible.   Wallowing in it is the worst possible thing for me.   Letting myself get absorbed by other people's concerns keeps me from focusing on my fears.

I try to stay busy as much as I can. I get knd of irritated with the lower stages too. Or people that try to make money off there cancer that had a easy cancer. Or komen they irritate me too

Been having this pain in left hip....seeing new MO and ortho on friday. Been trying to train for half marathon in nov. Cant run, but trying to just walk. Hurts like hell if I do any serious walking. Gets okay if I just do normal no exercise stuff

Heck, at this point I'd take 22 years.  I mean that sucks knowing that we're never out the woods but I'd love to get out 22.  That's 22 b-days, 22 Christmas's, my daughters will be grown and etc.  And that's 22 years of advancements or maybe a cure.  My dr said one time its not a matter of "if it comes back" its "when" so this makes sense.  Until then....come on lucky number 22!!

"little c" is my way of disempowering it as so many people refer to it as the Big C....!!!!

Not sure this post will help or not. I spent 11 years worrying about moving into stage 4. I was crazy about every pain and every test. Scan. Etc. Funny thing once I had progression to mets my anxiety calmed and everything got easier. The fear was greater then the the outcome . I am less anxious about stage 4 then i was about stage 3. Nothing has changed that much. Rads to spine, femara and zometa. I feel great.



Fears can paralyze us. The reality isn't always the enemy. It becomes just another hurdle. Not saying it is a good thing but beaware of fears that keep you from living your current life. That is all I got. Best

Hey I'm seeng new MO tomorrow. My last one just well took my copay and didn't even do a good exam. I had to tell them what to do.

I know I need to get Uterine US-never got order for one as baseline for tamox. been on it over year.

need to address my weakening bones. my dexa scan last spring showed preostewhatever bones.

would like to get tumor markers. I had the test to see if I metabolize tamox.

any other things I should ask for? I still continue to have some tightness to rt axillary. its only just annoying. was thinking of asking for pain releaving cream I have seen listed on this site. 

I am also seeing ortho for continued pain in hip. I know its related to the walking I have been trying to do. it eases up if I get lazy and gets worse if I try to power walk. hoping to get injection. think its my SI joint. better not push for PT. am sick of that. who has time and money to go there. might try chiro if can't get answer from them.

Jenny, I'm with pupfoster...that a physician would actually make the statement that recurrence of breast cancer is inevitable, is inexcusible.  How discouraging and hopeless!

My mom, who turns 90 next February, had a mastectomy when she was in her 60's and another one in her 70's.  No recurrence, and she is proudly "breast-free" as she calls it. 

Maybe if all of us Stage III-ers lived to be 150, then all of us would deal with BC again in our lifetimes.  I personally am living one day at a time and hoping that whatever BC cells that might be currently asleep somewhere in my body, stay asleep forever.

Jenny--glad to see that the other women are saying that your doctor's prognosis is not accurate. I'm same stage as you, similar stats except I'm ILC. I've never been able to get my doctor to give a prognosis, so when I read what your doctor said, I feared that's what he was trying to hide from me. I asked the breast surgeon, and she said "why would you really want to know?"



The other thing that's making me mad is this inconsistency of what doctors are telling us about DIEP and flap recon. My doctor/breast surgeon is constantly pushing it and never talks about how difficult it is, yet women here are having terrible problems with it and going through very long recuperations. Yet I feel that I am being pushed toward it.

mary625

It is very interesting about what you say regarding the DIEP and your doc pushing for it. My breast surgeon is positively pushing me away from it - for all of the reasons you state.

She has not refused my request, but thinks it is a bad idea for me. She has implored me to think about it very carefully.

I have not asked my prognosis Jenny, I found what your Doc said very shocking and very depressing.....   

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