Lost

Hello my fellow breastless lesbian sister! I had a double mastectomy in June, no reconstruction, no plans to do so. I went into the surgery doing a lot of self love and affirmations. I spent a lot of time looking in the mirror getting to know my body without breasts. Wrapping my mind around this body modification has been a trip for sure! But this modification is not our identity, we are not defined by our body parts, as much as society likes to push it on us. It's not easy to be different, but I kind of felt, at least in my experience, that having cancer resembled coming out so many years ago.

And I've been starting to think about how being breastless can be this kind of radical form of self love in some ways. For me, being without breasts is okay, and I can still feel confident because I am so glad to be alive. If anyone feels the need to spark a conversation I will tell them just that. It's an adjustment, but I kind of like it.

I mean, it's not always easy. But I feel good about my choices, this is a result my desire to survive, and I chose to forego reconstruction for reasons valid to me. I'd never been particularly attached to my tits, and I came out in a time and in a community where blurring gender lines was pretty well accepted and celebrated. I've also spent a lot of time in women's space where women of all shapes and sizes have been topless, and some of those women had mastectomies, single, double, and it was a normal part of the landscape. Being one of the women who've got the scars to show what survival looks like is never something I'd imagined happening. But this is my journey and I'm not going to stop loving myself just because my body has been altered. I have sad days, and I miss my nipples a lot. And this radiation burn on half of my chest is challenging me. I think that's worse than the mastectomy for me.



What has been the hardest part of having a mastectomy for you?