Life sentence

Theresanne - if your counsellor is not helping then I think you need a new one and it sounds like you need one who specialises in breast cancer or PTSD......

I had 50% chance of recurrence and I was stage 3A ILC - this means that 50% of people like me will NOT get a recurrence......but my odds of 50% have been further reduced by hormone treatment, naturopathic regimes, radiotherapy, I dont know what they are now but it does not really matter as I don´t know which group of statistics I will be in, so am just doing my best to stay focused on health.  But if you look at the numbers it means HALF of people with my diagnosis will NOT relapse and your odds are better!

I take your fears really seriously though as you are right in one respect, if you carry on with your current level of stress you are stressing your immune system so working against yourself and your regime, and you have yourself on a regime based on fear I imagine, rather than chilling.  I admire your dedication but if cancer is your focus every day then you will drive yourself in to a frenzy of anxiety! It would happen to anyone......... have you had a heart to heart discussion with your Oncologist about all this? 

It is a life sentence in that you need to live with the shadow of cancer but it is NOT an inevitable recurrence or eventual death sentence....

I was totally freaked by this and still get bad days and odd panic attacks but after getting some decent therapy and refusing anti depressants or valium I feel differently..........it is a crap shoot but it is NOT a guaranteed life sentence, there is no evidence you will inevitably die from ILC or abdominal cancer resulting from it...........

I do feel for you but I am talking tough as you are winding yourself up into a mega state based on imagined fears not reality........please find a different therapist........and maybe a support group?

Take care....

Theresanne: you are "stuck" on a negative thinking pattern (as I was). I started taking citalopram, an anti depressant and found that negative thoughts come and burst like a bubble. Someday you will realize that LIFE is a life sentence....no one is guaranteed tomorrow. Since my diagnosis, several friends have died of other things, suddenly.......you have to make peace with your own mortality in any way your can, whether that is NOW or LATER. No one is immune to death. Don't let cancer steal any more days from you. After all, if you live to 97 years old and spent all that time worrying rather than living, wouldn't that have been a waste???? It's a waste no matter how long you live. We are all terminal; what happens after is a big question; what happens before should be answering all your passions!!

You need to give yourself time as well.  Being told you have cancer is earth-altering.  Truly, we all took care of ourselves and did all the "right" things and lived as if we would not be the 1 in 100 that would be touched.  Here we are.  If you read posts of people when they first come here, they pretty much sound like you (even Lily55 did and now she is strong!!).

I had some great gals come and post here when I first arrived in shock and fear.  Time makes it easier.

I am surprised you had chemo with no node involvement.  Did they do an oncotype DX to see how beneficial chemo may or may not be?  Did they give you a grade for your tumor??  At some point, I simply put away my pathology report because no matter how often I read it or tried to comfort myself, it consumed me.

I began meditation and it has truly helped.  I've always done yoga and that really helped me heal quickly.

Things I changed were taking less supplements, exercising less and eating less carbs.  I guess a lot depends on what you did precancer to make someone want to do something different, thinking that is what caused it.  As one of my oncologists pointed out, if you walk into a store and count how many women there are, one of them is going to walk out with a diagnosis.  Not all women with breast cancer will die from the disease but EVERYONE will die.  When I look at it like that, I try to enjoy the life I have, however long it is.

If Julia Child had been consumed by it, she would have had a long life of no pleasure and waited to die at 94 of something else.

We cannot predict how we will do; we cannot know what cures or scientific developments will come tomorrow or a year from now and we certainly can NOT assume and wait for the beast to come back.  Thinking that way gives it power.  Don't let it.

Michael J. Fox (he has Parkinson's disease ---very young and aggressive onset) and one of his quotes is something to the effect of :  If we worry about something we are forced to live it twice---waiting for it and then dealing with it if it happens.  Why not just wait and see. 

May you have many, many more years ahead of you.  Happy years and no more cancer!

Thereseanne i dont think we can get through it alone, please find a counsellor or support group, i was in bits when i started posting here regularly.....and i still get panicky but i made the decision to focus on health and living life......and i still need to lose another 22lbs.........it was stress that weakened me before too.



Have you made a list if all you are doing differently now?



Have you watched the video?

smlvr

this is scary, no doubt.  But you can get through it.... I am almost 5 years out and consider breast cancer to be in the past... but the beginning is hard-so go easy on yourself.  sounds like you have a plan--- and things really do get easier.  come back here and we can help you as you go through .......

I had a lumpectomy, chemo and radiation--- none of this is easy, but you can indeed do it if you need to.  If you feel like you are really anxious, ask your doc for some ativan to reduce the anxiousness.. it can work wonders at this early stage in the process!