The Hermit Club

Good Morning Everyone,

I have been following the threads, but am not able to write from my phone.  Sometimes I feel like I am  being nosey, however I do care about everyone.  Its funny how I get an image of people, judging by how you write and interests.   I have tried to post a picture on here, but am not successful.  

DH and I went to iowa to look at land to hunt. He got a tag to hunt deer in that state, so he had to get permission from farmers. This involved many hours of driving. We stayed in a bed and breakfast in Atlantic Iowa. Room was cheap, but that's because the room was missing window trim, and had broken cracked plaster.  The rest of the house was restored and was full of beautiful antiques..The outside looked like a home that should be torn down (that too is being renovated)  I compare it to the show "Green Acres"....but what made up for it, was the owner was a gourmet cook.

The first part of the trip was tense and disappointing...DH and I had a hurtful conversation. The worst part about these conflicts is that I struggle with feeling guilty having these hurt feelings, which result in tears.  I feel like most women would deal with pain in a much more stoic way, or maybe most women wouldn't be so fragile.  We did have a final conversation (two days later when he wanted bedroom fun), and I calmly clarified my good intentions, and he never got his fun, lol  The conflict started over me asking him if there is any secrets that he has never shared with anyone or me....( was just trying to make conversation during the long drive)  I also like to have intimate conversations about us and our marriage.  And I recently shared something very personal that I never told him, however I didn't expect him to share a deep dark secret.      He got very angry over this question and felt that I was interrogating him, and that I am implying that he killed someone.And told me to stop explaining why I would ask that,(having a secret) and said I was just repeating myself and dragging the whole thing on..... I am sharing this to you all, in hopes that I can get some perspective as to how I can deal with this.  I don't really talk to anyone about "husbands and conflict"  it would be nice how everyone handles pain.   I don't expect anyone to work out my situation, but just how marriage is for you all.....I hope everyone is doing good...Welcome home Jazzy....C.C are you doing ok??   The smiling man with big teeth makes me appreciate my less than perfect smile....Oh how cool it is to see people be so free spirited.   Blondie, Im thinking about you.....Lilly, sorry to read about the lack of support...I have no explanation for not supporting you, I just don't recall reading your posts about surgery.  I truely want to support everyone.....

Take care everyone....hugs to all............

Lori1020,

Icona Pop --- I Love it

Song better than.

Listen to lcona Pop --- l Love it

Icona pop?  will check it out...Thanks Teka

cami...you are so funny....yes Teka is a good egg..... 

Lori- I am sorry you are having such a hard time with your DH. Like Cami, I am without a husband and did not have any sort of significant other going through my treatment with me. Just some family from afar, and my network of friends where I live. But what I can say is that not everyone is able to support us the way we would like them to. I am sure it must be disappointing that he cannot be there more for you in ways you need right now. Men are just so different emotionally than us.

I do think you and your DH would benefit from some counseling time together. My sense is is you are both upset and having a hard time communicating effectively through this difficult time. I think it is good you have some time planned for yourself for cognitive therapy. Maybe the therapist may have some good suggestions for next steps for the two of you.

Also, something that helped me when I was going through my active treatment phase (surgery, then radiation) was to establish some "time out" topics or zones. No one knows exactly how that feels for us, so I would take little breaks and to avoid things I did not want to talk about, including my cancer, feelings about cancer, etc. My sister and I used to have "cancer free sunday" where we would both agree to have a conversation that did not include treatment updates, SEs, other worries, etc. as we went through bc treatment in tandem. It is not to say that you cannot and should not have discussions about things with DH or anyone else, it is just a way to create boundaries so you get a break. You can do the same with other subjects too (like secrets).

Also, feeling okay and then crying is TOTALLY normal. We all have ways to cope and get through what we must do, but we also need to release. Trust me, there are still some very down days, teary days, etc. for me too. Less with time, but you never know what will set you and your fears off. I don't think you need to worry about being stoic or braver through any of this. You are plenty brave enough and need to feel to heal. You just need to get through to the other side of this. And you will. It does not feel this bad forever.

And know no matter who is with you and what they are able to hear or not hear, we are always here for you.

Teka-happy hermit anniversary! Glad you are here with us. 

Into the work week I go. Feeling more rested, moving past jet lag feelings. I hope everyone has a good week with treatment, healing, preparing for school year start, last of the summer days.

Teka I'm glad u are here, u r so unique--I've said that before--but It's my pleasure to know u.

I go on and on about nothing--u say so little and yet u say so much

del

I post them to photobucket and then here if it doesn't work like you were saying jazzy!!

Kittens are so so cute.

Teka mine is cuddled up right next to where I put my head she's all set for bed and I was just singing to her she loves it. (the only one)--I did watch the Dome--Steven King--- and I know the ending will be very disappointing. I always get hooked into his like mini-series or ontinuations and they are good then the end comes and I think WTF was this about. So we;ll see.

Cute!

Good Moring Hermits,

Yesterday was my last chemo treatment!!!  I can't believe how fast these past six months have went.  I am so happy to be done done done....sort of.   I am thinking i am going to move forward with a study that involves recieving a vaccination to prevent a reoccurance. Although I may be recieving a Placebo. The plus side is that I will get a cat scan yearly, along with an echo.  I am hearing that recieving excessive cat scans can cause cancer...but I can pull out of the study at any time.  I feel like if I don't go through with it, and get cancer again, I would be kicking myself.    The vaccination has went through Phase 3 prior to going to the public.  However Phase 3 involve a small group that were tested. I asked why I need a yearly echo, and they said there is no evidence of the vaccination causing heart disease, they just want to be proactive and make sure there are no issues.   What bothers me, is that the Pharmacutical companies are sooo money hungry...and crooked. I don't understand how some of these meds like vioxx can get out on the market, and then pulled because of the problems with it. 

800 people are in this program in the Milwaukee area.  Is anybody aware of a preventative vaccination??  I guess it is for people with early to mid stage cancer. I don't start it until late september.

Blondie, I am so glad you have a kitten!!   My fritz is my buddie...I craddle him in my arms and give him lots of kisses. He follows me all over. I swear he is close to hopping in the shower with me.....he can't quite get use to the water on his paws.   We went to Iowa last week and he had to stay with a cat sitter. It was so hard to be away from him. God I am sounding like an obsessed cat lady...lol

Jazzy- thanks for your help. I liked your idea of no cancer talk days. However we already have that here. I did tell him about Julie from the TNBC, and he asked me if I was upset...which was nice. 

Lilly- hope everything is going good for you...

Camie- Thanks for everything you do...

So who are the teachers here??   Bless your heart, I am so grateful for some of the teachers my kids had.  I will never forget what my sister said when she taught for the very first time...she crawled into bed in a fetal position and was absolutely exhausted. You would have to know her to appreciate that, she is a different egg.......

OMG am I in the not kniw what's going on. I didn't know there was any trial about a vaccination, where have I been--are u gals keeping secrets from me? Now this sounds exciting but Teka they are not supposed to bill u'r insurance right? Cuz u'r volunteering for this? I just think this is great Lori. How are u feeling.?

Hey have we heard from Lauri lately??? Sometimes I miss things but I can't remember any posts lately--I hope she's all right. I figure Markat is getting her kids and herself all ready for school so she'd be busy, plus she does have other things going on. Well I hope they check in soon.