After Breast Cancer - Dating World

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FineOne12
FineOne12 Member Posts: 2
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

I am a 50 something year old woman who is in the dating world after breast cancer.  I had a mastectomy and reconstruction.  This seems to have somewhat crippled me in the dating world.  I have had both good and bad experiences and the bad ones took me back to square one emotionally.  Is anyone out there experiencing being back in the dating world after breast cancer?

Would love to hear about other experiences, how you told them, how they reacted.

Thanks!

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited June 2013

    FineOne12

    While you are waiting for members to respond, you may want to check out the main breastcancer.org site on dating and intimacy. 

    We hope this helps!

    The Mods

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  • Lily-f
    Lily-f Member Posts: 12
    edited August 2013

    Hi there,

    I have tissue expanders in place....thought I would try dating...and have recently found out that I will be doing chemotherapy. 

    I have two dates lined up...and am not sure if I should cancel.  This is awful.

    :(

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  • Colt45
    Colt45 Member Posts: 771
    edited August 2013

    Lily-f,



    It is something nobody wants to go through----but you will GET through.



    And you will be back.



    My wife did very strong chemo, lost all of her hair, eyelashes, brows, etc. She finished late April and now has an adorable short hairstyle that she has already had cut and colored twice.



    I told her before her treatment that her job was to just get through treatment and recover. And she'd be back. And she has come so far.

    And you will, too.



    Just focus on your treatment and recovering.



    You can do it.

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  • Colt45
    Colt45 Member Posts: 771
    edited August 2013

    @FineOne12:



    You sound like a wonderful lady. I know what being willing to take a bullet for someone is like. I always say that I would stand in front of a train for my wife and girls.



    That's a special quality. You deserve an equally special person-----and that's harder to find than just anybody.



    You've had good and bad experiences dating.



    Well, that's not a commentary on YOU. That's just DATING.



    You deserve nothing less than all you bring to the table. You are the perfect compliment to the right person. And the right people are out there. And a lucky man will find YOU. But-----and don't take this the wrong way------it shouldn't be easy to find someone deserving of your loyalty.



    But it might happen for you tomorrow.



    The right man will accept you and more. He will cherish you. You have so much to offer.



    God bless.

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  • Lily-f
    Lily-f Member Posts: 12
    edited August 2013

    Colt45

    Thank you for your words of encouragement. 

    As another woman said " I don't have to be brave....I just have to show up"  That is just what I will do.

    I am going to the salon tonight to get a cute pixie cut.  My hair is currently down to my waist.  I will of course be donating it.

    l

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  • Nel138281
    Nel138281 Member Posts: 2,124
    edited August 2013

    59, mx in feb 2012, no reconstruction and looking ot date as well.  I have been out once, not my prince charming so to speak.  My best friend remineded me all that day that I did not need to share bc story on the first or even second date.  She was right, no point in sharing the story with some one who you are not interested in.  And I know, as I am sure you do that the "right man" is out there. But if one more person tells me that - I may implode.  Dating at o ur age is difficult enough - but I think our pool if possibilities is a bit smaller due to BC.

    But I will not give up hope!!   I was so happy to see your post - I ahve psoted before and brought it up at my support group.  Women seem to be married or just not looking - afraid or not interested, not sure.  I am glad to see I am not the only one still interested!

    Be well

    Nel

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  • Lily-f
    Lily-f Member Posts: 12
    edited August 2013

    Hi Nel,

    It's impossible to come thourgh this unchanged on the other side.  I've essentially been on my own for about 8 years or so.  I've dated had a few relationships that were fun...but I have realized I don't want to be single forever.  BC shouldn't define us...it's just makes us different now.

    And if we were awesome before....well now we are just plain old super heros !!!!

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  • Stix
    Stix Member Posts: 723
    edited August 2013

    Well, when I went through my first mastectomy with reconst ( 3 years ago). I went out on dates during the reconstructive process.  I figured what the heck. I don't have to take my clothes off. I just have to show up and enjoy the evening.   And, that is what I did.  I just had a prophy. mastectomy 4 months ago. Going for the exchange soon.  I have not dated.  I have been focusing on work and working out at the gym and fixing my house up. I will date after my exchange.  If someone doesn't like me b/c I can have foobs then thats their tough luck... If he decides that he doesn't like someone that puts their life First before vanity then I don't want to be with him anyway.... Laughing

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