Breakup after 10 years

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Kozydean
Kozydean Member Posts: 2
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

Hi,

Apologies for my 1st time post, my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2003 - only 10 months into our relationship.  We got married in 2004 post surgery, chemo, radio and all the other associated treatments that ensued over the years.

We've had intimacy issues since 2004 (which is completely understandable) given the massive impact it had on my wife - I've never been pushy with her; she's my best friend.  We did talk about going to relate many years ago - I only wish we had.

However - 3 weeks ago, we had a long chat - and my wife's told me that she can't go on the way it has been for another 10 years - she no longer loves me as a husband - only as a best friend.  I'm absolutely devastaed and can't imagine life without her.  It's horrible that I can't even hold her or kiss her good night.  

I suppose I'm looking to just have a chat with anyone in the same situation - looking to see how you dealt with it.

Many thanks,

K

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  • Moiralf
    Moiralf Member Posts: 1,056
    edited July 2013

    Have no experience with this but sending you hugs. This disease devastates not just the patient but the family too.

    Bumping this up so that others may be able to provide some more support.

    Be kind to each other at this time and keep talking. Both of you are best friends, which is so valuable and you don't want to lose that too.

    Moira

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  • Colt45
    Colt45 Member Posts: 771
    edited July 2013

    I just want to offer my support. My wife and I met in 2000, married in 2003 and are still together.



    This disease robs us of so much.



    I wonder if she (your wife) secretly feels like she's doing you a favor by 'releasing you'.



    There are many marriages where someone's self worth is so decimated that they feel guilty and just don't want the (self imposed) pressure of delivering in a relationship, so they just want out. Little do they know that the most devastating thing they could do is break up----because they are married to that rare person who actually understands their vows and meant them.



    Maybe there's some relationship counseling you could go to. If for no other reason that she could know (with the help of an impartial 3rd party) just what you truly feel and want. Maybe her attitude would change if she believed she wasn't holding you back-----and was still your one and only, even if certain aspects of your relationship have changed. Truth is.... every married couple's relationship evolves over time... and changes. What doesn't change in the great ones-----is the desire to just be together, no matter what.



    I don't know what the answer is for you... but I hope you find your answers and I hope that you and your wife make your ultimate decisions with everything on the table with no regrets. I hope you both understand each other completely and do whatever is right for you.



    God bless you. You sound like a decent man. I wish you the best. You be YOU. No matter what. The right thing will happen.

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  • gonegirl
    gonegirl Member Posts: 1,871
    edited July 2013

    Kozydean. I am just so sorry. Colt has some really good suggestions

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  • Kozydean
    Kozydean Member Posts: 2
    edited July 2013

    Thanks for the replies, I've suggested that we do go - but it just seems that I'm like a useless limb that she's cutting off - or an old toy that she's casting aside.

    I tried to approach a few questions today - and I was given a short sharp brush off - there does not seem to be any changing her mind or reasonable rational thinking on her part.  I've made an appointment with a therapist tonight as I need to speak to someone face to face - as I know (regretably) that this is the end.

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