How can I reorganize my soul??!

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Abby20
Abby20 Member Posts: 102
edited June 2014 in Life After Breast Cancer

July marked my first anniversary! I am done with surgery, chemo and radiation. I feel pretty much normal, I sleep well, I eat well, my hair grown back, my energy level is superb BUT I feel lost!!! I am not sure if I know myself well.  I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I am not able to organize my priorities. I can’t get back to whom I used to be and I don’t know who I am right now!!! I don’t know if this sounds familiar to you ladies?

I was diagnosed 4 months after delivering my first baby, and with this two life changing events I feel I kind of lost my identity!! I was seeing a social worker but I don’t feel she was able to help me much. Have you ever been in one of the cancer retreats? Do you think it is helpful? I was thinking that it might be a good idea to start a journal? Do you have any experience with that?  Please pass your wisdom and let me know how you have maintained your emotional wellness after treatment

Cheers,

Abby  

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  • SelenaWolf
    SelenaWolf Member Posts: 1,724
    edited July 2013

    Oh, I do understand how you feel.  This Friday will be two years for me and I'm only, just, starting to feel like I'm back to my old self.  It's been more of an emotional struggle for me than I was prepared for.

    I've always written - I've kept journals since I was in my 'teens and, sometimes, I just write - so I found this very helpful towards sorting out my feelings, working through my fears and just plain venting.  I imagine that, if I ever go back and re-read these entries, it will be quite painful.  But, for me, it helped.  I just couldn't bring myself to join a breast cancer support group.  I was scared enough already without being more scared by other people's stories!  I, even, restrict which threads I can see on this board, so that I don't scare myself silly and start to obsess about something that I, probably, don't have much control over.  So, for me, it wasn't something I wanted to pursue; however, other people have found it both comforting and empowering to share stories and experiences in a group retreat.

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  • jwilco
    jwilco Member Posts: 486
    edited July 2013

    I also understand how you feel.  This Oct will be two years for me.  Next Friday is my annual mammo/ultrasound.  Always brings out the anxiety.  I also try not to click on certain topics on this site otherwise the worry starts.  Already I'm worried about my appt next Friday.  <sigh> 

    On the plus side, this year I think I've been doing ok mentally.  Starting to feel like me again.  I guess it takes time.  A lot of time for some like me.  I try to focus on the positive side of life and I try to use yoga and meditation to calm the thoughts.  I guess it's helping.  I haven't found a support group that I've felt ok with so I'm just trying on my own. 

    Yearly check ups aside, I try to not dwell on things and when a worrisome thought enters I try to let it pass on by...sort of like floats in a parade

    I hope with time you will be able to feel like you again.  I wish that for all of us.

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