In desperate need of advice, support, and knowledge

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Nicholesheets512221
Nicholesheets512221 Member Posts: 1
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

Hello Everyone,

My name is Nichole, and I just discovered (about 3 nights ago) that my mom has been diagnosed with stage four metastasized breast cancer, it has spread from her left breast to her lungs, lymph nodes, and bones :(, the cancer is classified as Her 2, Her tumor which i pray shrinks and isn't 'her's' much longer is inoperable at 10 centimeters. Though my sister and I only found this out days ago, this has been haunting my mom since early Spring/ late Winter, and clearly before that since the cancer has become so advanced she just never spoke about any pain or discomfort she was experiencing until it became unbearable for her.



The first Oncologist my mom consulted, who delivered this life changing news of the cancer to her told my mom to 'get her affairs in order, there is nothing we can do, and hospice is available...we can make you comfortable'... That has to be one of the cruelest deliveries of news like that. I am so hurt that my mom was treated that way by a doctor, to whom we entrust our lives to and the lives of our loved ones. Doctors, as naive as this may sound I thought were beacons of hope always rallying on the side of the patient's health and recovery, but I am beginning to question the motive of medical professionals. The second Oncologist she (my mom) consulted this time a male, denied her treatment because, she couldn't afford it he decided, after he looked at her finances. Since then after my mom contacted a hospital social worker the oncologist has retracted his statement, and agreed to treating her. But who would want to be placed in the care of someone who had been so cold? Currently, my mom has been working with an Oncologist who practices in PA, who has been such an angel as I am told by my mom. She started her first treatment of high dose Vitamin C IV at Jefferson University Hospital, in the Myrna Brind treatment facility today. And a port will be surgically inserted mid between her chest and collarbone area on July 24.



This is the most heart broken I have ever felt, though I am only 22 I feel like this will be the most heart broken I will ever feel. I feel utter sadness, disbelief, and shock but this all is very real and needs immediate attention. I have chosen to share our story with everyone because we are in a dire state being that my mom has no health insurance, is being evicted from her apartment, and medical bills are beginning to pile up. Does anyone know of any foundations that I may reach out to who would be willing to help us? We are not ones to ask for handouts, my mom is not one to ask for help at all from anyone which is why I am doing it for her given the severity of our situation. Does anyone have information about how I may even start my own foundation on her behalf?



On another note, has anyone treated their own cancer holistically? or has had a loved one opt to treat cancer holistically? If so what was the out come? I am not completely on board with treating cancer holistically. I believe in holistic alternative treatments in conjunction with traditional treatments, especially in my mom's case I just feel like rather I know we must act quickly.



My mom wants to fight, as does myself and my younger sister. Pray for us please, as I will do for all of you! Any knowledge, support, and comfort would be so very appreciated! Thank you.





My sincerest regards,



Nichole

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited July 2013

    Dear Nichole:

    Welcome to Breastcancer.org. We're so sorry about your mom and all you are going though, and we hope you find support in this great community.

    Here is the section on the main Breastcancer.org site about Paying for Your Care that lists places that can offer some help, including help for those who are uninsured, or underinsured.

    Also, the section Complementary & Holistic Medicine includes information and resources where you can learn about how complementary medicine works and the many non-medication treatments available. Related to this you may be interested in also reading/posting in the Complementary and Holistic Medicine and Treatment forum.

    We hope this helps.

    ---The Mods

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  • dlb823
    dlb823 Member Posts: 9,430
    edited July 2013

    Nichole, I'm so sorry about your Mom's recent diagnosis, but glad she's found an oncologist who is willing to work with her. 

    In addition to the areas of this website the Moderators suggested, maybe try using the Search feature (to the left here), and search words like "no insurance" and "assistance with treatment expenses" and similar phrases to see what might have been shared in past Discussion Board threads.  Many of the organizations that help individuals with medical and/or living expenses while they are going through treatment for bc are are local ones, so you might also start a new thread asking for assistance and mention your city and/or state in the title.  In other words, if you lived where I do, I would know where to direct you, and perhaps someone on BCO from your area will have more specific information.

    I'll keep your Mom in my thoughts and prayers.   (((Hugs))) Deanna

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  • DivineMrsM
    DivineMrsM Member Posts: 9,620
    edited July 2013

    Nichole,

    I'm sorry about your mom's diagnosis. It's very difficult for you, at such a young age, to deal with.  

    It sounds as tho you may have found some kind of support with the hospital social worker.  What I want to say to you is, don't be concerned that you need to ask for financial help.  The social worker is there to assist people like you in your situation.  Maybe it humbles you, okay, you are humbled, now move forward.  Your life has just been rocked by this horrible situation and you will be travelling uncharted territory that you've never been on before.  You may have to change how you approach things now, and that's just the way it is.  Ask the social worker for any kind of help or leads to help that she may have.  Also, sometimes there may be something posted on a hospital ordoctor office bulliten board about places that can help you.  

    Also, call the American Cancer Society.  See if there is a local chapter near you, ask them for resources, people who can help in all areas.

    Many, many of us have encountered medical personnel who come across as cold, uncaring. Perhaps the emotional support you are seeking would be better found from a local church, from a minister or pastor, rather than looking for that from doctors or nurses.  (As for questioning the motives of some medical professionals, you'll have to get in line!)  

    You have to stay the course, and move forward, getting your mom the medical attention she needs.  Try not to take things personally. It would be nice if the medical staff could understand your emotional state as well as your mom's financial state of affairs and try to help you out, but if they're not understanding, you just have to steel yourself and deal with that.  You'll be learning a lot, can you tell?

    Try to retain your composure as you deal with all of this publicly, but in private, it's okay to have complete meltdowns and be crazy upset.  Get it out of your system, and then move on.  As one poster on here has said, "You don't have to be strong, you just have to show up."

    It's scary to think what your mom's going through, but take things ONE DAY at a time.  Don't project yourself forward three months or a year down the line.  Stay in the moment, here and now, today.  Deal with things one step at a time, one hour or one minute at a time.

    A great book to read is:  Anticancer: A New Way of Life by David Servan-Schreiber 

    You can get it from your library.  Just read it, I think you will find it helpful.  

    I've been very direct with you, maybe even blunt, but I think you need to hear/read these things. 

    You, your sister, your mom are in my prayers.  

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