I tried to "get mad" at my liver by taking tylenol and alcohol +

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NannaBaby
NannaBaby Member Posts: 510
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts
I tried to "get mad" at my liver by taking tylenol and alcohol +
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  • NannaBaby
    NannaBaby Member Posts: 510
    edited July 2013

    What was I trying to do?! I had a liver ultrasound show a "spot". And the recommendation was to wait it out for 6-12 months. I was not satisfied with that! I wanted an MRI!

    So, a day before my blood test to test liver function I decided to purposely try and FCK up my liver and screw with the results so I will get my MRI.

    I took 20 or so extra strength tylenol and drank a bunch of gin. Approx. 1/2 a 750 ml bottle. Just chugged it.

    My hubby saw me do this.  And he told me, luckily I threw up a few hours later.

    Please help!

    I don't want another one of these self harm urges to happen again. It was like I had no control over myself :(

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  • curveball
    curveball Member Posts: 3,040
    edited July 2013

    @NannaBaby, I don't know about the health system in Canada. Do you have access to care from a psychologist, psychiatrist or counsellor? If so, I suggest you make an appointment as soon as you can! Actively harming yourself is a serious situation, not one to try self-help remedies first in my opinion.

    PS, I think your hubby should have taken you to the ER right away. Assuming the gin was 80 proof, the amount you drank was the equivalent of between eight and nine drinks. If you weigh around 55 kg, this would give you a blood alcohol level of 0.3%, which is potentially lethal, and that's not even taking into account the tylenol. My bottle of generic acetominophen says no more than 6 tablets (3000 mg) per 24 hours. You took three times that much, enough to cause "severe" liver damage. In fact, in looking around the web for information about the drug, it seems there can be a delayed reaction with overdoses that you feel better but in fact the liver damage is still going on. So I'm going to stop writing and send this right now. If you see it, go to the ER or call a poison control center and tell them what you took and how much and take their advice about whether to seek immediate treatment. I hope you haven't accomplished your goal of ruining your liver!!

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited July 2013

    Hi Nannababy,

    We are so sorry you're having these feelings, but Breastcancer.org is not in a position to assist those contemplating suicide or self-injury. If you are having thoughts of either, please seek immediate, professional assistance. You may call 911 (or, if not in the United States, the comparable emergency number in your country) or visit a hospital emergency room, or call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 800-273-TALK (800-273-8255).

    We strongly suggest you talk to your Doctor about your feelings, or another health professional about getting your emotions out. These actions could be highly dangerous and we'd hate to see ANY of our members in this position.

    --(((Big Hugs))) Your Mods

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  • Racy
    Racy Member Posts: 2,651
    edited July 2013

    Hi, just wondering if you read the radiology report on the ultrasound of your liver and what is said about the likely cause of the spot? This information may give you another insight on the possible diagnosis.



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  • leggo
    leggo Member Posts: 3,293
    edited July 2013

    I'm just going to come right out and say it, even if I am the only one thinking it. If you have mental health issues, I'm sorry you are having these feelings and urge you to seek medical help immediately.



    If however, you're using this as some ploy to get an MRI, I hope you realize how selfish this is. People have spots on their livers all the time that are not necessarily cancer. Professionals are pretty good at weeding out what needs further intervention and what warrants further tests or biopsies. Sounds a little hypochondriac-y. Waiting 6 months to see if there are changes in the spot is not unreasonable. If you're that worried about it seek a second opinion, don't scam the system to waste our valuable health care resources.



    Take a walk through a pediatric oncology unit. Perhaps then you'll realize how lucky you really are, cancer diagnosis or not.

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  • NannaBaby
    NannaBaby Member Posts: 510
    edited July 2013

    Thanks for your concern. I had a psychiatrist, but he died of aggressive cancer 3 months from dx. Too bad there is such a shortage of psychiatrists here and psychologists are not covered and cost $180 per visit.  I am on 8 waiting lists. And my doctors are aware of my stupid stunt and I am ashamed :(

    I am in no way doing it for attention or to take advantage of the system in any way. I am not surprised it came up, I am guilty everyday for "wasting" money.

    There is no point to even check if my liver is damaged from the stupid stunt. It is my fault and I guess I will pay the price in the future. I promise not to "waste" "your" money anymore on self injury. I live 1 hour from the US border and may go there to get checked on my own dime.  There aren't many private clinics in Canada. It is frowned upon.

    I was ignored for almost a whole year with my initial breast concern, sorry if I don't want it to happen again.  For 10 months I was told my lump was just an ATYPICAL cyst that's bleeding from the nipple and will go away. I wore a maxi pad in my bra for 3 months because it was bleeding so heavily. Panty liners weren't even enough for the amount of blood.  I was told the blood was normal for the "cyst" I had.  I was told I was too young to get breast cancer. I had zero follow up. I couldn't wait the suggested 12 months, so pushed to see a specialist at the 10 month mark.  It grew to 8 cm in 10 months and was staged 3c with internal mammary node involvement, clumped nodes in auxila and muscle invasion. 

    The recent liver ultrasound result said ATYPICAL hemangioma, and they were unaware of my previous cancer. So, I thought I could be proactive.  Maybe next time, I will take out a loan to pay for my own MRI to avoid judgement.

    I feel guilty constantly for "wasting" Canadians' money with my stupid and expensive chemo and surgeries etc. Especially for my fake boobs. I constantly feel like I am burden to my friends and family. And I feel like I am a waste of space.  My mind is really messed up and I am sorry for coming on these boards for support.  I have no where else to go! I keep being told, no one can help. I have reached out to support groups, but they say my issues are "too deep" and I'm in the wrong place, then I ask my doctors, and the government, and the mental health association.  I think they just want be dead, cuz I have already spent my share of medical funds.

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  • NannaBaby
    NannaBaby Member Posts: 510
    edited July 2013

    Sorry for coming to the wrong place for support. And thanks for the judgement. Feels really good!

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  • wintersocks
    wintersocks Member Posts: 922
    edited July 2013

    Nannababy,

    I'm so very sorry you are hurting so much that you did something to harm yourself.  I understand how you arrived at that point.

    i do not judge you, but feel moved to write and hope you get the help you need and deserve.

    BC is a toughie and we all need help. All of us.

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  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited July 2013

    Nannababy,

    I did not read your op before you deleted it but it's not difficult to figure out what it said. Most who posted, including the mods, were very concerned and urged you to seek help. I think that is very supportive. Hope this have gotten better,

    Caryn

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  • NannaBaby
    NannaBaby Member Posts: 510
    edited July 2013

    I've been waiting for a new psychiatrist since Oct.2012. My shrink died 3 months after his cancer dx :( I've maxed out my piddly $500 psychologist allowance. And paid a bit out of pocket, which is hard to do while on disability. The first idiot told me to watch more Dr.Oz and to drink his sleepy time smoothie! What a douchebag! Cost me $180 plus tax to see that guy! And the other 3 meetings I had with a different dude were pointless too.  I repeated myself with my history every time! He even complained I don't see him enough because I am his only patient and I need to make it more worthwhile for him to come in to work. UGH!

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  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited July 2013

    Finding good mental health care can be frustrating (a family member had this experience),especially when finances come in to play. Patience and persistence are what's needed. Don't give up.

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  • curveball
    curveball Member Posts: 3,040
    edited July 2013

    @Nannababy, please don't let a comment that rubs you the wrong way keep you from coming here. There is a lot of support here. I read your two comments before you deleted them and I hope you can find the help you need. Some of it might be here.

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