being the strength for the whole family

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Sago
Sago Member Posts: 13
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

Mum got diagnosed with bc today, we know it has already travelled to the lymph nodes, so now we are waiting on test results to know if it has spread to other parts of her body. (please send her prayers!)

Even though we don't have all the results yet, my sister is worrying and scared that mum's cancer has already metastasized. She is younger and undoutably finding it very difficult to cope with news. I am also worried about Dad, who had triple bypass surgery just a year ago. I don't want him to be stressed and not look after his own health.

In a way I've started to see myself as the one who should be the strength for the whole family. I guess my question is, how do I comfort my family when I am just as scared as they are? How do I stay strong for everyone when there is so much fear?

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  • BayouBabe
    BayouBabe Member Posts: 2,221
    edited July 2013

    Sago - so sorry you are finding yourself here. I, too, was the major caregiver for several members of my own family before my own diagnosis. My best piece of advice is to take care of yourself first - caregivers often forget this, but it is so important. Make sure you eat, sleep, and take care of your responsibilities. Remind others to do the same. Spend some time away - a walk, a movie, time for you to process on your own. Ask for help - do not be too proud to do this. So many are eager to help, but don't know what to do. If someone offers to bring a meal sometime, do not let them walk away without setting a day. Someone offers to help out, tell them you really could use this errand done. Etc. take them up on it immediately. You will find strength in each other - this will come through sharing your fear, tears, AND laughter. Strength and peace to you as you travel this road!

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  • Colt45
    Colt45 Member Posts: 771
    edited July 2013

    I think my wife and I feed off each other. If I got "too down", I think it would affect her. Then if SHE got "down"-----I might really struggle. Then she would struggle more and further down we'd go.



    I feel better when I hear my wife's laughter.



    I know my being positive and upbeat helps her.



    So I try to vent fears and anxiety here, away from her and my girls.



    You can feel scared and still be strong for your family.



    You have to keep them going so that they can keep you going.

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  • brightestday
    brightestday Member Posts: 19
    edited July 2013

    My thoughts and prayers are with you. Sending lots of good luck your way. I know the feeling of waiting for test results to come back all too well. It's is nerve wracking. Stay strong -you already are, you just don't know it yet. Please post here, if you need to vent, we are here for you.



    I hope everything turns out ok.

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  • Sago
    Sago Member Posts: 13
    edited July 2013

    Thank you everyone for the lovely messages and suggestions, and sorry for the late reply, it has been a whirlwind of tests and waiting for results and repeating the process all over again - and it still hasn't stopped.



    Everything has gone downhill so fast it's just so horrible. Doctors first said it seems like all her major organs are fine, and now they are saying there may be two different cancers in her body, AND there's activity in her bones. Even they didn't seem hopeful that it could be anything but stage IV.



    I just want all the tests to be over so there are no more crushing news and so she can get started on her treatment as soon as possible. I know it's probably the same as everyone but it feels like its been a month with no progress.



    Well, one more test result to come out, a operation/biopsy of the bone and a couple more meetings with doctors to go....guess our family will just have to bulldoze through it all someway or another..

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  • brightestday
    brightestday Member Posts: 19
    edited July 2013

    Stay strong Sago. Any updates? I hope you are doing ok.

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  • Bill7e
    Bill7e Member Posts: 2
    edited August 2013

    I feel it too, maybe not the one who has to carry the whole burden, but I am the center of the compass and it seems that it all comes to and through me...I wished that I had some advice to help you, like so many here, I'm sure, I'm just winging it...trying to do my best, I guess Sago, I just wanted to let you know that you are not the only one, I hope that gives some comfort, knowing that I am not the only one helps me....I wish you peace

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