BC with Pre-existing Major Mental Illness - How Many?

I find it confusing that I should be concerned about it killing me, when I have hoped to die pretty much every day since I was 10. However, I have decided that I will not spend a single penny to treat it if it does progress. My depressing life just is not worth it. For me, it is stupid to fight for my life when I really don't like life. However, for now, I will continue to eat the kind of diet that discourages cancer growth. I have been getting lax in that area, but I have the crock pot on low cooking my organic vegetable soup all night long. I will be back on track tomorrow, oops . . . later today.

I totally get that GlobalGirlyGirl. Great name that. Yeah, I definitely feel that if mine progresses, I will only go for the alleviation of discomfort. If I am being given an opt out (as you put it) I'll take it. At least my life insurance will pay off that way. And my mother frequently has to kick me in the butt with a reminder of "you are a survivor" or "you HAD cancer, you don't have it now" comment. Of course, that is the common picture of cancer: of something that comes back until it kills you. Now I don't know what the stats actually are on that, but that "C" word just seems to carry with it a death sentence in my mind. I'm always surprised when I meet another "survivor" (I kind of don't like that word. It's stupid to me, but whatchagonnado) who is 12 or 20 years out. I guess there are a lot of them out there. If it does not return, I sure will be glad to see it disappear in the rear view mirror. Then I can go back to dealing with ME being the greatest threat to my life. LOL.

How are you ladies doing?

Me? I'm still crying entirely too much, and my anxiety is way out of control. I'll see my supposed pdoc, Nurse Nancy, on Monday and will see if there is anything we can do to help me.

I may be getting a job, so my anxiety over money will become anxiety about the job, but hopefully I will do well, and like I mentioned, Nurse Nancy can increase my Neurontin or something. I may even have to go back on Celexa/Paxil to see if that helps. I just really don't want to do that. If something should happen that I could not get the med, then I would get so dizzy and maybe even have convulsions apparently. I just know it is a miserable feeling. Then again, I don't know if Neurontin may be the same way. I guess I should look into that.

It is such a long wait for a disability decision. It will be Spring at least before I get to present my case to a judge. I've been denied twice. They need to understand that the pre-existing condition got much worse because of the breast cancer. I think my doctors just didn't see it enough and so their reports were not convincing. Well, the MO finally got to see how I really am. Of course, she said I was not myself. HA! Lady, this is how I am most of the time now since shortly after I tried to return to work after the mastectomy. Let's hope seeing is believing. It would make my anxiety attack in her office worth it.

So ........... how are you all doing?

Awww Dunesleeper.....I understand. I have been fighting for SSDI for a long time. This whole cancer thing makes everything so much worse. The docs that do physical doctoring, just have no clue about us mentally. This is what I am currently dealing with.

This mastectomy threw me for a serious loop.

Best of luck to you as well

Your real friends, that has to be the absolutely worst thing about this. It makes me sad, but then my actual real friends make me happy.

I avoid words like depressed as that implies an actual mental condition, rather than just sad.

But yeah, social security sucks. I mean, they do, not the favorable ruling.

I was approved for ssdi on the first try. I think it was because one of my reports said stage 4. I am currently ned and wonder how long before they will challenge my ssdi. I do not feel like I could work, physically or mentally. But sometimes I just don't know what to do with myself. I don't really have any friends anymore, at least no one calls or checks on me, but I don't call them either. I do have my husband and family, plus my animals. My animals are what keep me going, get me out of bed! I feel bad about not working also. I don't know how to live my life, I just try not to make my husband mad, sad that my goal of each day is to not irritate him! He works very hard and our yard and house are very time consuming to maintain with all the animals, I do alot of it, but there is sooo much to do.

Dunesleeper-did you get a job? I think a job right now would put me over the edge. I was crying alot and my doc upped my effexor, it did help a little, but feel like it is just numbing everything. Sometimes I think I will volunteer somewhere to see if I could handle a job. Sorry my thoughts are just all over the place. We just lost a triple negative sister today. She was such an inspiration. I just wonder what it is all about. Are we here on accident or is there a bigger purpose? I wish I had a strong faith like my husband, but I think I am atheist. When I say that I feel like I am a bad person, but how could a higher power allow all this crap?

You are so right about reducing stress being critical, dunesleeper. I wholeheartedly believe stress is what caused my cancer. I hope you can find a psychologist who will help you through this and won't add unsolicited commentary on your treatment choices.  We do the best we can with the information given. And we have to have a decent amount of confidence and belief that what we've chosen is the best path for us.  Hard to do when it's being shot down at every corner. 

I had my treatment recommendation today. Chemo (ACT) + radiation therapy + hormone therapy. Well, surprise, surprise.  It was all so overwhelming. I took the day off, which was a good thing. I had a huge lunch and napped.  He wants to start the chemo in two weeks!! I don't know if I even want it, and he's selling it like he gets a commission or something.

I'm looking for a second opinion, and I found a breast cancer oncologist down in L.A. My oncologist does not specialize in breast cancer.

I don't know. I kinda want to be done with the whole thing since I already had my lumpectomy and SNB - got clean margins and clear nodes.

Hang in there mama. And keep trying with SSDI. My cousin's husband is a disability attorney here in CA. Just keep at it. Oh and I didn't do well on Neurontin at all when I was hospitalized for mania. I couldn't get out of bed and kinda laid there catatonic. Bad stuff for me.  Maybe there's another one that Nurse Nancy can prescribe?

dunesleeper-that is so annoying! Remind them that mammos are not perfect either and can miss many things! The last mammo I had was so painful, but now I have had a bmx so no more mammos! I hope they find something that will help. I also consider not having my oncologist appointments, in fact I went 6 months instead of 3 last time because I did nto want to deal with the stress. I hope your job goes ok! Keep us posted.

GlobalGirlyGirl, that seems to be the treatment they recommend for nearly everyone. I think that is total BS. It makes them lots of money and makes patients plenty sick. However, if you choose not to go that route, I hope you will hook up with a naturopath for some recommendations for an anti-cancer diet and supplements. Those will build you up so that your body will become inhospitable to cancer.

GlobalGirlyGirl, I am hoping that working will help keep my mind busy so that I stop all this feeling sorry for myself stuff. It worries me, though. Yesterday a guy came to the door. He wanted to sell me Verizon FIOS for the TV. (I just use rabbit ears and watch broadcast TV.) Anyway, as I turned to walk back in the house, he said he was trying to save me money, and I spun around and blew my top, shaking my finger at him and screaming "NO YOU ARE NOT" and "THAT IS B.S." except I didn't just say the initials. I was amazed at the crazed anger and hatred that rose up in me. I wonder why that happened. Anyway, let's hope that doesn't happen at work. LOL. Let's hope that doesn't happen again ever.

Gentle stretches for that cording GGG. That helped me a lot. And it went away completely within a couple of weeks. And yeah, ditto on that bail money thing. tehehehe

I understand Sparky. My oncologist is not happy with me, but I declined chemo and radiation. You could choose not to have chemo. I went to a naturopath for guidance. Of course, insurance doesn't cover naturopaths, so I cannot follow up with him often. I just went several times at the beginning. The oncologist still sees me and orders bloodwork (mostly interested in the tumor marker) and ultrasound (I also refused mammography). If she should refuse to see me I would simply go to the naturopath to have him order the bloodwork. His is far more complete. Anyway, you do have choices. You just won't hear those choices from people in mainstream medicine. They have been taught that anything other than what they do is quackery. It's not, though.

@Kay. What dunesleeper said. I ffigure we are all here on this forum for some reason, even if it's just to reach out and find other people going through what we are going through. I am bipolar schizo affective disorder, yet I have no psychiatrist here yet. I know that should have been the first thing done, but this whole cancer thing took precedence.

There might be something you can do to help yourself, as well as other people like us in this weird world of comorbidity. See if there is a peer group near you. I finally found out the biggest help I could ever receive or give came from my peers. If not, maybe we should create one somewhere. I was thinking of FB as a possibilty. Though I know FB sort of sucks, it's okay in certain groups as long as everyone is on the same page or a similar page right? (I mean that figuratively).

I'm not sure what else I can do right now, as I have no transportation so I can not get to mental health and don't know if they would be much help anyway. As far as Rx, yeah, that's about the only thing the docs are good for.

I don't want to do this surgery tomorrow. I really don't, but if I don't, insurance won't cover any other treatment. I am totally stuck between a rock and a hard place. All I know is I am not a happy camper right now, and I need make a decision.

If R&B helps, then play it a lot! I love R&B too. Somehow I forget to listen to music these days. When I do, I enjoy it. I feel less angry these days, but it was not really very long ago that I blew my lid. I guess I try to avoid situations that could trigger the anger. So far my anger attacks at work have been mild and controlled. I hope to get better and better at it.