Great saying about depression

Hi all, I haven't been on in a while.... I aree this site does help to keep us all sane and reminds us that we are not alone and that there is a lot of hope and support out there. I found that my friends and family could only take so much of hearing about my surgery and how I was doing emotionally. This is where this site excels. Here everyone can relate and whether you are emotionally in a scared state, a depressed state, a joyful state, an unsure state or a relieved state- we all know what it is like. Even though we all may have different diagnosis we all can relate and since this is mainly a female's disease we can relate how it affects us as females. The same year I was diagnosed my father in law also got breast cancer but it was very different for him - some aspects harder and some easier. But bottom line we are here cause we need each other and we also want to help and support each other. I have met some of the most amazing women and even though if I had a choice I would certainly not choose this but I am very grateful for the lifelong strong friendships it has given me. Finally just know that time does help.

dunesleeper: this is a supportive place to come and those of us who are here really try to give additional support to women writing here for the first time.

Read  again the post that Barbe wrote on July 1st as a response to mirrormirror's first post about how she felt so alone and why live if only to die at some later time of BC and she has no family or friend support.

Don't get me wrong. I like Barb and she has sometimes very good advise and ideas which have helped me since I joined BUT

Barbe telling mirrormirror that eventually breast cancer will kill you if something else doesn't and there is no cure for breast cancer is medically untrue as many women have their first BC, get treatment and surgery and never have a recurrence. So there are cures.

Barb's remark in my opinion did nothing for our new friend - mirrormirror but maybe depress her more. It depressed me and I think now I'm doing quite well but after reading her post I've sunk to a new low. Why should I take the meds I do for the BC mets in my lungs, have blood tests and CT scans, if I think that I'm just going to die anyway by not being able to breathe. But I'm stronger now and less depressed than when I joined here so my reaction is more of shock for an intelligent woman like Barbe stating there is no cure for breast cancer.

Thank's to Barbe's remark, since I am Stage lV with 100's of tumours in my lungs, she upset me by saying there is no cure. For some of us Stage lV'ers there is no lasting cure, but cures that allow us to live a normal life with our mets being a non-issue for many, many years. Go read threads about Stage lV'ers and see how many feel even a temporary cure is a gift of time and that we need to look positively into the future instead of being negative that in the end breast cancer will kill us all. That is a powerful statement.

If Barbe had written that to conquer or deal with your depression, one has to accept that the thought of a recurrance or mets is possible in the future, that would of been helpful, but it's also possible to get killed walking across the street or riding my horse.

Barbe says she is well informed on all aspects of the issues she deal with to be her own health advocate. Good.

Barbe just needs to look at the stats on how many woman never have a recurrence after the initial run-in with breast cancer.

I feel horrible too for the way Barbe's comment got many of us to respond, but I personally feel it was doom and gloom to say there is no cure.

If you have posted 1,000 times in a year, well then you should know on these threads we always don't agree with what each other says and that's our right and what this is for - to get our feelings and thoughts out - but I come here for support too.

dunesleeper - your should read back to some of our other posts and see how this thread is a kind, loving and supportive one.

The End

Dunesleeper.....with all due respect and in support of Justagirl......I and many others supported you on another thread when you were in the same place as Mirrormirror.

I'm sure if you had read a post such as Barbe's it would have sent you into a deeper depression....think about it!!!!!!! Mirrormirror was new here expressing no will to continue .....does that sound familiar??? the last thing she needed to here at that moment was that there is no cure and chances are BC is going to kill you!!!!!! I believe a more supportive and encouraging post was called for, not to mention some advice as to a therapist or even some meds. We do not need gals here posting about doom and gloom.....have most of us not been down that road and are now trying to see the cup as half full!!!! I love when I go onto threads where women so kindly come back and report

their five year, ten year, twenty years...etc....survival stories.....we are all trying to put doom and gloom in the rear view mirror.. As Justagirl said, Barbe has given women

good advice over the years, she just has to keep the doom and gloom to herself.

Fine. You all are right. You all obviously have all the answers. Well all the correct answers. And anything that doesn't fall in line with your way of thinking is obviously wrong. Cool. You be right. I'll be wrong. HA! Fat effing chance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't believe you read my post. You certainly did not understand it. If you all don't think you are going to die of SOMETHING at some time you are idiots. That is all that was said. For the sake of Barbe I wil leave this effing group. You are assholes. Pounce on somebody who was only stating facts. Was that truly so upsetting to the newcomer? Maybe you all have some PMs indicating that because I have seen no such evidence.

Blah! People suck. Heil Hitler! Bite me! Die slow!

Let's all move on ... This is ridiculous. We are all here to offer advice and support ... Not name call.

dunesleeper: guess it is time for you to leave our thread.

Most of us are quite good at reading.

Barbe posted that we will all die of BC if something else doesn't kill us. Untrue.  That is not saying we will all die of BC.

Barbe posted that there is no cure for breast cancer. Untrue and not backed up by any website statistics.

Yes, I for one have PM'ed mirror as I don't want her to think we are always going through something so depressing.

I want barbe to come back her funny and witty self.

It is against the rules of BCO to call us 'assholes'.

Even if Barbe's post didn't effect the newcomer, it sure hit me hard as a Stage lV gal and would of devasted me even before I got that diagnosis.

I AM JEWISH. MY LAST NAME IS LEFKOWITZ. MY HUSBANDS PARENTS HAD TO FLEE POLAND TO OUTDISTANCE THEMSELVES FROM HITLER. Saying Heil Hilter to me I find bitingly offensive as Hilter slaughtered millions of innocent people just because he could.

And to tell me to die slow? YOU HAVE OFFENDED ME. YOU SURELY DON'T BELONG ON THIS THREAD AND YOUR NOT COMING BACK SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD IDEA.  Go spread your gloom and terrible terrible words somewhere else. I HAVE NEVER READ SUCH A HATEFUL POST AS THIS ONE!

COMPARED TO YOU, BARBE IS WONDERFUL! Barbe has helped many of us at times and is whitty and doesn't tell us to go die.

What I can't figure out is why the moderators haven't spoken up. They say if we cite statistics we have to back them up with the source. Are there statistics that say we will all die of BC if we don't die of something else, like everyday heart attacks or strokes or car accidents?

I too, am truly over this. It's depressing since July 1st when Barbe wrote that post and Dune your input has not been exactly uplifting for anyone dealing with depression.

barbe1958,

You supported members on this thread from the get-go, unlike me only a lurker.

Thank You!!

I have not been on for a very long time.  I hope that each of us can understand that we all react based on where we have been in our life experiences up to the point of our diagnois.  Each of us grieve in different ways for different lengths of time.  This diagnosis is complex and multilayered.  It is a dynamic journey as we move from one set of cirmcumstances brought on by BC to another.  Our emotions are dynamic and change all the time as well.  Our treatments while similar are unique to us as our bodies each respond in their unique way. The fears we have are valid and real.  As we learn more and more about the diagnosis and treatments we are able to objectively (usually) discern what is our best choice.  But even if we are several years out we can all of a sudden be brought to tears or be very frightened.  All normal.  I have had 10 surgeries related to reconstruction all but three with serious complications.  I am 3.5 years out and not done yet.  Believe me there are days I am tearful and scared. But more days that I am not.  But that is because I have had the earlier times of weeping and deep grieving.  Time ......  it takes time.  We do not know what our future holds but we do know that it will be more beautiful when we can reach out and help and nuture other women who are starting this journey.  If we extend our hearts in support. I probably won't be on very often but just needed to say hi and encourage all of us to remember where we were when we first started this journey and how we want to walk it. 

Hi hopefulhealing - how nice to hear from you again! How are your reconstructions going? I know you were having big problems last time you were on the thread.

Sorry Ladies have been busy, and seems the **** has really hit the fan whilst I have been away!!! What happened?!!! Barbe - please don't leave the thread - you have been really quiet. It probably wasn't the wisest thing to say to mirrormirror, but I know you didn't mean it the way it came out. If you are thinking like that Barbe - read my stat research at the end of this post.

mirrormirror - it sounds as though you have several other issues exacerbating your depression as well as BC. BC has made you think about all the choices you have made in life. Hang in there - you can't do anything about the choices you made previously, but you can make better ones now. Having cancer gives you a new perspective and wisdom on life. You will get out of this black hole. It is a fleeting thing, and then you will feel stronger- promise!!! Don't hold on too tight to your new partner. Men are not good at expressing their worry and anxiety. That's what we are here for - a willing ear!!! My advise about secondaries is don't worry until you know you have to worry.

chabba - good luck with the bone biopsy- hope it turns out okay!

Mac - I am so sorry about the Al- how much longer do you have to take it?

I have been researching the recurrence stats on early stage breast cancer. Justagirl you asked about them, and this is what I have discovered. The recurrence rate is 7-17%. I think that is pretty good odds!! If high grade or grade 3 cancer has not recurred in the first 1-2 years your chances are even better than a low grade cancer. The lower grade cancers overall have a better survival rate, but they can recur at a much later date.

I have finished my herceptin - yahoo!!!! My husband treated me to a microlite session. It was much scarier than the hot air balloon!! We had 2 flat tyres before we took off, and I thought - is God trying to tell me something. Anyway I lived to tell the tale.

hopefulhealing- I am so sorry to hear about the gynae problems. Many of us that have develpoed BC seem to have had those problems at one time or another. I am sure they are tied up with your predisposition to get BC even if you don't carry the BC gene. I had to have my ovaries and uterus removed when I was in my 30's. It was a bit of a problem at the time, but seems I have scored now, as I don't have to worry about that side of things!

Let me know how the nipple reconstruction goes. I haven't decided whether I want to do it yet. Let me know if you think it is worth it!

Everything AFTER breast cancer I would most definitely call  "a gamble". I believe most of us know that or we wouldn't be hanging around a 'depression' thread.

Unfortunate, but true.

I pray we ALL do well in the years to come.

I am absolutely overwhelmed by the support posted here and in private PM's!! I thank you all for your kind thoughts and comments.

When I was 13 I was diagnosed with heart disease. I lived with that for 8 years before I got pregnant and had to spend my final month in the hospital on bed-rest before I gave birth to my son. Then the doctors were horrified that I had a second child. Over the years I've taken thousands of different medications to try to stabilize my rhythm and blood pressue. I always thought I'd die of a heart related failure and so did my cardiologists. Finally last year a rare diagnosis became clear and I had a pace-maker put in.

Now, replace my heart issues with breast cancer. It's as simple as that.

There are Run for the CURE races all over the world at all times of the year. They are still looking for a CURE. Please do not mistake NED (no evidence of disease) for cured!! 42,000+ women in the USA die of breast cancer each and every year. Maybe that doesn't mean much to some of you, but as far as I'm concerned that 42,000+ too many!! I've been on these boards long enough to have many of my friends die from breast cancer and each one is just as painful as the one before. It doesn't get easier.

I am not full of doom and gloom or even a negative person. Those who haven't been on this thread from the beginning that felt they had to jump in and bash me SHOULD be ashamed of themselves!! I've put my heart and soul out on these pages and I know I've help many, many women with my comments, suggestions and love, never mind my humour. I've used that comment about "the bullet that might kill you" at least 10 times in the 5 years I've been on this forum and this is the very first time it's been taken negatively. Normally I've been thanked by women who said I knew exactly how they felt.

This is not a Pippy Longstocking forum, to be read through rose-coloured glasses. This is reality girls!! I'm still surprised when women say "I was blind sided by the breast cancer diagnosis!" What did you do, I ask? I got a mammogram, they say. And what do they look for in a mammogram, I ask? Well...cancer I guess, they stammer.

Yep, it's reality. And until you FACE reality you will not heal. I don't care who you are, this isn't a rehearsal ladies. This IS life.....and death.

Thanks, sweetie! What's happening with your bloodwork and bone marrow biopsy??? Please let us know. You must be worried!

Still no biopsey scheduled and can't get info on why from Dr's office.  Ya I'm worried.

Chabba, that is SO frustrating!!! Please call the office and have them update you. Maybe the doctors changed their minds? It'd be nice to know what the hold-up is.

This IS a thread for DEPRESSION. I would certainly expect some "doom and gloom" in it. If you want fresh air and green grass, go read a thread of humour or games. Come on ladies, this is getting ridiculous!!! Again, to heal and move on in life you have to accept what is happening to you, and around you. That's what being an adult is all about. (Would you have wanted your doctor to LIE to you??? Tell you your lump was benign so you wouldn't worry?) Seriously?? It doesn't mean to have to LIKE what is reality, but you need to ACCEPT it.

justagirl, so nice of you to criticize what I wrote!! It goes both ways. If you're going to criticize ME, then expect it back. Why would the mods delete a post that is TRUE???? They can't argue the fact. There is NO cure for breast cancer. Wow! How many times do I have to type that?????

I have seen DCIS stage 0, move on to stage 4 and die. I would be pretty pissed if I "just" had stage 0 and then recurred after being told I was "cured" with a double mast and months of chemo!!! Again, reality.

This is so very, very sad. Enough already!! This USED to be a very tight and supportive thread, but it's proving a very valid truth......

                                                                         REALITY SUCKS