Depressed and angry...

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SelenaWolf
SelenaWolf Member Posts: 1,724
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

For the last several months, the bad news just keeps coming. 

The wife of one of my husband's golf buddies passed away November 2012; she had, initially been diagnosed in 2008 with early-stage, node-negative, triple-negative breast cancer.  She did everything asked of her: surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation.  She had a recurrence the other breast in 2009 and, again, went through the entire treatment process.  She was diagnosed with bone metastasis in December 2011.

A high-school classmate was diagnosed with early-stage, node-negative, triple-negative breast cancer a few months ago.  All initial scans seemed clear, but, now, there's a concern that she may have bone metastasis.  She's just started chemo and is really struggling with the side effects.

Another high-school classmate who was diagnosed 19 years ago with early-stage, node negative, hormone-positive breast cancer.  She, also, went through the works; surgery, chemo, radiation, but has been, recently, told she has bone- and liver metastasis.

A elderly neighbour of my mother's is going through her fourth, hormone-positive recurrence and is waiting for results of an MRI, which may reveal metastatic spread.  She, as the women above, went through treatment for each recurrence and was on Tamoxifen, then Arimidex.

Two other women I have known have passed away from breast cancer in the last five years.  The only woman that I know who has survived it (thus far) is my mother.  And she's refused any other treatment except surgery and Arimidex.

I am depressed.  I am angry.  I want to kick the nearest object.  I want to rant and rave, and throw a world-class temper tantrum.  I want to scream.  I cannot believe how enraged I am.  How sorrowful.

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  • Colt45
    Colt45 Member Posts: 771
    edited July 2013

    It's sad we don't know more how to stop this. So much for clear nodes.... I'm angry about your news, too. It affects us all. Prayers to you.

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  • graceforme
    graceforme Member Posts: 70
    edited July 2013

    This makes me sad & angry too. I've seen too many people suffer with this horrible disease. I'm surprised at the people I've found on these threads that had no to few nodes that later spread. All I can do besides going through my treatment is to take care of myself the best I can, enjoy today, and put myself in God's hands. I don't know what my future holds but I know Who holds it.

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  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited July 2013

    So sorry you have had all of these losses. It brings up what we all know, but often dread to acknowledge, do what can be done and understand that there are no guarantees. We have miles to go before we learn how to slay the beast. Take good care of yourself.

    Caryn

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  • Colt45
    Colt45 Member Posts: 771
    edited July 2013

    Sometimes you just have to wonder how ANYONE survives... but they do. MANY do. But HOW? How do some survive... How do MANY survive? And why can't more survive if so many others do? It's maddening.

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  • pupmom
    pupmom Member Posts: 5,068
    edited July 2013

    Colt, I really think it's dumb luck. Sometimes the chemo knocks it all out. Often, for those of us highly ER+, chemo and hormonals, or hormonals alone kick it permanently to the curb. But all too frequently a little escapes through nodes or LVI and sets up shop somewhere else. 

    Selena, I'm very sorry you are experiencing such grief over this monstrous disease. Sucks so bad. 

    Graceforme, thank you so much for those beautiful words. That's what has kept me going through all of life's challenges, not just bc. 

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  • slickchickie17
    slickchickie17 Member Posts: 125
    edited July 2013

    Selena, I'm so sorry that BC has affected so many of your loved ones. I agree with yorkiemom, I think it is random/hit or miss/dumb luck regarding survival.



    It's like we live in a village of grass huts, & BC is a fire-breathing dragon that attacks us. Some of us escape the dragon virtually unharmed, & some of us go up in smoke.

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  • FireKracker
    FireKracker Member Posts: 8,046
    edited July 2013

    I like this thread.

    So much compassion here.

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  • gonegirl
    gonegirl Member Posts: 1,871
    edited July 2013

    Sadly, there is no way to know who will do OK and who will not. As an oncologist said once, doctors have no way of knowing, it depends entirely on the biology of the tumor and the biology of the person who has that tumor.



    I am so sorry you have seen and experienced such loss. It is so sad and so maddening.

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  • sbaaronson
    sbaaronson Member Posts: 230
    edited July 2013

    Hello all:

    I am enraged every 4 months when I walk into the oncologists office for my check -up and find a crowded waiting room. ... Last time I had a group hug with a women I didn't know but had chatted with for 10 minutes or so, her mother and my daughter.

    The roulette wheel of this disease is humbling. I just told my Mom today, it never even crossed my mind that I would EVER get cancer. After all, I did everything right...



    I stand with you all in solidarity.



    Stacey

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  • netty46
    netty46 Member Posts: 296
    edited July 2013

    Sad sad. I understand now why my oncologist and husband tell me too stay away from these sites. Very very depressing stories. :(

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  • Colt45
    Colt45 Member Posts: 771
    edited July 2013

    I completely understand the urge to stay away from this site. It can be, at times, like what watching the news has become anymore. Depressing. But the news is not representative of what will happen to all who read or watch it. The news is the extreme. What happens on the news CAN happen to anyone of us and it always seems to be happening to SOMEBODY.... but you can't start thinking like it's INEVITABLE.



    I know it's not... but my mind foolishly goes there. And I hate my fear.



    I understand folks wanting to stay away from here to avoid 'the news'... But I am SO grateful for the beautiful, beautiful women who DO keep coming back. I wish more of the longterm survivors came back to boost us, because it would balance out the news... I don't think the stories here are representative of the outcomes in general. This is a place for folks who need support, so the overriding theme is logically going to be that of crisis----with those blessed souls who are doing well popping in to give encouragement, though most of the people I want to hear from (who are doing well) dpn't come by. They're out living without looking over their shoulder so much.



    So why am I still here? Same as you all. To get some encouragement... and to give a little back. And I really think it's important that those who could be inspirational and encouraging to folks newer to this than even us-----come back to check in, or better yet, STAY. There has to be more out there than the sad stories. I wish we heard more of the uplifting stories.



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  • rozem
    rozem Member Posts: 1,375
    edited July 2013

    selena - so sorry about all the losses/bad news in your life.  Around the time i was diagnosed 2 others in our family were also diagnosed with cancer (both advanced stage).  One has passed away, the other is in palliative care right now.  Im the last man standing.  I fail to make sense of it all and quite frankly have stopped trying.  This is such an unpredictable disease as we all know - I just take it one day at a time.   ((((((hugs)))))))

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  • slickchickie17
    slickchickie17 Member Posts: 125
    edited July 2013

    I find this site supportive & informative, someplace where we can be honest about how we feel. Someplace to vent, be scared, anxious, happy or sad. I'm grateful to have found a place for hope & encouragement. It's nice to know that I'm not alone.

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  • fifthyear
    fifthyear Member Posts: 225
    edited July 2013

    I, too, hope people stay on the site. While I don't post often, I read most posts, and I do try to provide what support I can to others. This is the best place to find information and support.

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  • gonegirl
    gonegirl Member Posts: 1,871
    edited July 2013

    Yes, the stories can be depressing here, but the site is meant as a place where people can come together and support each other and be honest about feelings. Being treated for cancer is a tough physical and emotional situation. If I didn't have a place where I could honestly say how sad, scared, or angry I was, I wouldn't be able to function. And I need to function in order to talk to doctors, continue to work, get scans, etc, etc, etc.  I didn't choose cancer. Cancer chose me.  I have no choice about that. But I sure am grateful to have a place to come when things get tough.  We all go through the tough times. And it helps me to share those tough times with other people.

    There are lots of positive stories on this site. In fact, there's an entire forum called Success Stories. But this forum is about dealing with the hard times of cancer.  I sure am glad you all are here.

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  • markat
    markat Member Posts: 909
    edited July 2013

    Selena, I'm so sorry for all the losses :( {{{Hugs}}}

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  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited July 2013

    I never find this site depressing, sad at times, but not depressing. It is filled with the good, the bad and the ugly of dealing with bc. It is inspiring, maddening, informative, funny, silly and filled with love and support. It is a very real picture of life with bc at all it's stages and all it's possible permutations. Part of that is getting depressed and angry but it's wonderful to come here and know we will understand.

    Caryn

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  • gonegirl
    gonegirl Member Posts: 1,871
    edited July 2013

    Yeah. What Caryn said. Smile

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  • ruthbru
    ruthbru Member Posts: 57,235
    edited July 2013

    Ah Selena, I know how you feel. Two very good friends of mine died of cancer last summer, both at the age of 53. One of them had been diagnosed at the same time as me, exact same stats, exact same treatments......it makes no sense what-so-ever to me. I just try to go forward & really enjoy and appreciate all the good things this life has to offer. Not only for myself but, in a small way, for them too.

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  • netty46
    netty46 Member Posts: 296
    edited July 2013

    Colt me too. Wish some of those long term survivors could pop In and cheer us up.but it is what it is. There are happy stories and sad I do understand that.

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  • Colt45
    Colt45 Member Posts: 771
    edited July 2013

    I hope Selena is doing well today. She is one of the many wonderful souls here who has taken the time to reach out to offer comfort and support to this humbled stranger.



    Prayers to all here.

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  • FireKracker
    FireKracker Member Posts: 8,046
    edited July 2013

    I don't know if I'm considered a long term survivor but I am almost 4yrs.NED.

    My life now consists of putting BC out of my mind.

    Yes it was rough but I'm doin fine now.

    I pray for all the sistas who are going through all different kinds of problems

    Never give up.

    We will win this battle...one sista at a time.

    Bless each and everyone of you.

    Huggs grannydukes

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